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[capricorn]

I am in my third year as a tenure track faculty at a small regional university. My wife is in a different discipline and is in graduate school. We have been in a long distance relationship for several years now.

We went to the job market this year and received two offers. One is a non-tenure track but multi-year renewable lecturer position for both of us in a large university in the middle of nowhere. We like the pay, the low cost of living, and the work load, but neither of us envision ourselves spending the rest of our lives in that university or area; besides, we are a bit uncertain about our job stability on the non-tenure track.

The other opportunity is a tenure track position for me in a large city and a fairly stable non-academic position for her in that same city. We both see ourselves spending the rest of our lives in that city, but if we make that move, we will collectively take a big paycut (almost 30K). So, while we like the idea of living in a large city and that of job stability, we are wary of the high cost of living and lower pay.

The third option is for me to ask my current employer about any opportunities for my wife. I know that the most that they can do for her is to create an adjunct position, which won't be a long term solution. We would both  prefer to work for another institution.

At this point, we are both tired from doing a long distance relationship and we are having a difficult time making up our mind. Any advice/suggestions/insights will be appreciated.

[bluezebracat]

Can you negotiate with large desirable university?

[capricorn]

bluezebracat, I know what you mean and that would have been nice. Unfortunately, there is not much room for negotiation with the large desirable university.

[hearty1]

Well, I think that I would take the tenure track job in the large city that you both would see yourselves in long term-- why? Because the pros are pretty strong. She would have a good job that she would enjoy. There is stability there for both of you.

The cons that you cited are the cost and the loss of pay. These both are serious, but you haven't been in the city yet.  I grew up in a big city and also live near a big city and there are always affordable places to live in cities. If necessary, you can learn to live in a smaller place- or you will get used to doing with less or taking public transportation to work etc.

In my mind, a larger city environment also gives you more options, and more opportunities for possibly a tt job for your wife in the future.

I wouldn't write off the big city if I were you-- I think that there are lots of ways that you could make it work.  Big cities always seem too expensive, but there are definitely bargains to be had!

[offthemarket]

I'm not you, but from the little you wrote of yourself, I'd take the big city TT job in a heartbeat.  It's a place you want to live for a long time, your spouse will have gainful and reliable employment, and it's a TT job.  It sounds like you'd like this city more than your current location, too, perhaps.

Keep in mind that opportunities may emerge for your spouse to increase income, and what is the future for salary in the big city TT job?

I guess what makes you happy, living where you want or having more money?  And to be able to live together in a place where you both want to be?  Priceless.  To me, money cannot buy geography.  I love where I live, I love my spouse even more, and I'd turn down a huge payraise to move elsewhere or to have to live apart.  But different people have different priorities. 

[lizzy]

I'm not you, but from the little you wrote of yourself, I'd take the big city TT job in a heartbeat.  It's a place you want to live for a long time, your spouse will have gainful and reliable employment, and it's a TT job.  It sounds like you'd like this city more than your current location, too, perhaps.

Keep in mind that opportunities may emerge for your spouse to increase income, and what is the future for salary in the big city TT job?

I guess what makes you happy, living where you want or having more money?  And to be able to live together in a place where you both want to be?  Priceless.  To me, money cannot buy geography.  I love where I live, I love my spouse even more, and I'd turn down a huge payraise to move elsewhere or to have to live apart.  But different people have different priorities. 

This is pretty much what I was thinking. The pay cut is hard, but not impossible to deal with in return for more possibilities and the chance to live in a place you want to be, with the person you want to be with.

[capricorn]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. We're also leaning towards the t-t job in the big city and it's truly reassuring to hear that others would do the same. It's important to be happy!

[dr_prephd]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. We're also leaning towards the t-t job in the big city and it's truly reassuring to hear that others would do the same. It's important to be happy!

Yes, it is.

Personally, I'd go for the job in the big city. You learn to live on less.