socksock
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« on: September 27, 2010, 05:53:58 PM » |
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Regular poster using another user name for obvious reasons. This has come up at our department recently and am wondering what you think. Someone associated with the department lost a family member and a member of the department proposed to hold a religious service with clergy from one denomination conducting it. So the service was held. No one asked the person who lost the family member whether they would welcome this service (the service was held about a month after the death) or whether they would welcome some other form of service, for example, with involvement of other religions. I know the person who suffered the lost and I know they are not even religious and I accept that people in the department are also mourning this loss and the effect on the department member, but I wonder if things could have been handled differently. Any thoughts?
PS I am not tenured so don't feel I can raise this in the department.
PS We are not a relgious based institution.
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zharkov
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« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2010, 06:32:40 PM » |
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Strikes me as pretty odd....... "Hi Pat, we've decided to hold a memorial service for your mom." ???
Was "Pat" OK with the idea? Or if not, why did "Pat" go along with this?'
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__________ Zharkov's Razor: Adapting Zharkov a bit to this situation, ignorance and confusion can explain a lot.
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duchess_of_malfi
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« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2010, 06:35:42 PM » |
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I think it is weird, bossy, and unkind. I'm sorry for your colleague's loss.
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socksock
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« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2010, 06:36:13 PM » |
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The service was so the unit could have a chance to support "Pat". Pat wasn't asked. It was just announced as being done by one well meaning member of the unit.
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zharkov
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« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2010, 06:56:58 PM » |
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Well, I guess I'd slot it as well meaning but inappropriate. Not as bad as having a family member die and it not being recognized at all by one's colleagues.
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__________ Zharkov's Razor: Adapting Zharkov a bit to this situation, ignorance and confusion can explain a lot.
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systeme_d_
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« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2010, 07:17:11 PM » |
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Chime with Zharkov, on all counts.
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Systeme_D is right. <rah rah RESEARCH!> |
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reener06
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« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2010, 07:19:50 PM » |
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I'm with Zharkov. It was well-meaning. I've had a problem since my Mom died this summer that no one wants to mention it or have me mention it, and I rec'd no sympathy card or acknowledgement from faculty or staff or students. At least it was an acknowledgement.
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grasshopper
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« Reply #7 on: September 28, 2010, 07:35:54 AM » |
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Is it possible that the well-meaning organizer had consulted with the bereaved without your knowledge? It just seems like a tremendous jump to organize a faith-based memorial service without even consulting the person. I have trouble imagining that.
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mystictechgal
Happy in my "full, rich adulthood", and as a
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Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 9,937
One step at a time
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« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2010, 10:12:00 PM » |
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The closest thing I have ever encountered was after 9-11 when we held a service in the cafeteria presided over by one of our managers who also happened to be an ordained minister. That was one thing. This is entirely different, I think.
I find this to be weird in the extreme. Well-meaning, perhaps. But, weird.
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If a pouting pluot ploughman planted pluots in a plot, and the plot were ploughed on Pluto, would his pluot ploy play out?
"Is all the same, only different" -- Dr. H. L. |
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etoiledemer
New member
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« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2010, 10:31:42 PM » |
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Well, I guess I'd slot it as well meaning but inappropriate.
Agreed. |
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prytania3
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« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2010, 06:27:49 AM » |
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If I lost someone, I would be happy for any memorials people held in his or her honor. Sure, perhaps the bereaved person should have been consulted, but I think any memorial service shows that a person was loved and valued by his or her colleagues.
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Clowns, I tell you. Clowns.
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