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[angry_noodle]

Hi.

Sock here. Redacted for now. I'll repost when I'm ready. Not quite there yet. Sorry.

Also, I'm not affiliated with the far more honorable poster Touched_By_A_Noodle.

[oldfullprof]

AA works pretty well, and the price is right (zero.)  If you happen to attend a group in which you don't feel comfortable, find another.  Most towns and cities have multiple groups in different formats (speaker, step study, closed or open [this last refers to whether or not people who don't see themselves as alcoholics can attend.])  I really benefitted from a men-only step study group.  It was great, and very supportive.  Do see a doctor, too, for issues having to do with abrupt detoxification.  You may need to substitute a minor tranquilizer for a couple of weeks to avoid the temptation to pick up the wine again if you feel jittery, as you are likely to do.  Don't combine the two.

Call the local AA central number- there's almost certain to be one in the white pages.

[bioteacher]

Get to a doctor. Depression may very well be at the root of it. Your doctor can offer options that will not interfere with your work more than your current approach is already interfering.

It sounds to me like you are having a problem with alcohol. I've heard terrific things about AA. You have nothing to lose by going to some meetings in addition to going to your doctor.

Try this site: http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/homework/a/blgetfacts.htm

But do call your doctor. Your doctor is there to help you take care of your body and mind. There is nothing wrong with needing help!

You've taken a huge first step in recognizing that the status quo isn't working for you. Good for you! Now you need to take the next step and call your doctor. Tell your doctor about your stress levels, your odd sleep patterns, your dependency on alcohol, and your concern that you are depressed. Lay it all out there on the table and insist on getting the tools you need to thrive.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[coneflower]

Angry_Noodle, here is a link you might want to check out: http://www.aa.org/subpage.cfm?page=12
Admitting that you have a problem is a huge accomplishment and the first step toward getting help. It sounds as though you've taken that step.

Best wishes for a successful journey.

[angry_noodle]

Wow. Thanks everyone. I guess I'll go ahead and un-redact the post...

Hi.

Sock here. (Sorry - I know they've been misbehaving lately)

I'm very concerned about my drinking. I was never a heavy drinker, or barely even a drinker, until maybe 7 years ago, when several major familial setbacks made it hard to get through the day without self medicating. Now I'm on the TT and the stress is (as you might know) significant. At this point I can put away almost a liter of wine a day, and when there's no wine in the house I get nervous and weird. I live in a state where they sell it in the grocery store, and I've been driving further and further away from home to buy it so that I don't get pegged for a regular all the time.

I'll say right now that I don't drink at work, I don't start drinking until I'm at home and through driving, and am still able to function sufficiently to do a good job. However, I do notice it taking a toll. There are many times lately when I've woken up on the floor of my home office, or on the floor of my living room with the TV blaring. On weeknights I'm not quite so self-destructive, but I have noticed a general fogginess when I'm at work, and I fall asleep at the weirdest times. I do exercise, but when trying to get out from the aftereffects, the last thing I want to do is head to the gym in the morning. I'm also exceedingly grumpy and just generally pissed off - all the time. I am completely uninterested in my research, or any research, which wasn't the case before.

There are days when I don't have any alcohol at all, often several days in a row, but then I get a bottle and the cycle starts anew. I've gained 30 pounds since I've started this job, and it's not all food and sloth, I don't believe. Maybe depression is at the root of it (I definitely felt it about 5 years ago) but, due to various conditions concerning the work I do, medication for it is a non-starter.

So it's time to get help, I think.

Now what? Where do I go? Do I need a doctor to make this diagnosis? Do I just find an AA meeting and say, "Hi! I'm Angry Noodle and I'm an..."

[macaroon]

Best wishes, Angry_Noodle!

Yep - you just show up at the meeting!  The AA website has a meeting locator.  Good luck! 

[prytania3]

A doctor can't do a damn thing to cure alcoholism. Go to an AA meeting. You don't have to say a thing if you don't want to. Just sit and listen.

And just because you can go a few days without a drink and you don't drink at work doesn't mean squat.

If you're drinking every night and switching up grocery stores to hide your drinking and sleeping on the floor, you've definitely got a problem.

Anti-depressants won't do you a bit of good if you are drinking that much.

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

[angry_noodle]

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

I'm not gonna argue with you there, Pry. I'm not sure what the root cause is.

[prytania3]

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

I'm not gonna argue with you there, Pry. I'm not sure what the root cause is.

You worry about the root cause when you're sober.

[angry_noodle]

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

I'm not gonna argue with you there, Pry. I'm not sure what the root cause is.

You worry about the root cause when you're sober.

Thanks.

I'll let you know how it goes.

[angry_noodle]

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

This sucks. I'm really angry at this. I'm sorry I don't meet your definition of a major depression.

I mentioned this hit 5 years ago. I used to live near Prytania Street 5 years ago.

And not only can't I receive treatment for the aftermath, I can't even get treatment for my issue with alcohol on anything more than an anonymous basis, nor can I receive any sort of medication.

I'm really sorry, Pry. I really am. This wasn't intended as a vent on you. You're ok.

Goddammit.

[notaprof]

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

This sucks. I'm really angry at this. I'm sorry I don't meet your definition of a major depression.

I mentioned this hit 5 years ago. I used to live near Prytania Street 5 years ago.

And not only can't I receive treatment for the aftermath, I can't even get treatment for my issue with alcohol on anything more than an anonymous basis, nor can I receive any sort of medication.

I'm really sorry, Pry. I really am. This wasn't intended as a vent on you. You're ok.

Goddammit.

Okay, now we get the angry part of your moniker.  Depression is anger turned inwards so maybe this is a good sign that you are starting to express your anger here.  AA can help, there will be people who understand you there.  I hope you decide to go. 

[barred_owl]

Angry_noodle, I'm so sorry you're experiencing such frustration and stress.  But, may I ask a question--more a thought provoker, really?

Could it be that the alcohol/drinking is fueling your depression?  Your reasons for starting drinking--to calm frayed nerves at times of stress--is probably common.  But, for some (even many) people, once the initial calming effect has occurred, the alcohol can act as a depressant, creating sort of a vicious cycle that is very difficult to escape.  

Even if you have to seek treatment through anonymous means (AA), maybe that's a path to finding a way out of the current depression, too.  It will be hard, but if you decide to go to AA, my guess is that you will have much support, both in-person and here on the fora.

In your last post, replying to Pry, it almost sounds like you're seeking an immediate solution (and forgive me if I'm wrong).  The thing is, the problem you've described took a while to develop; it will take a while to overcome, too.  

Does your university have an Employee Assistance program (most do)?  In addition to looking at AA, if you're in a position where an EA program exists, you might consider taking advantage of the services such a program might recommend/offer.

Best of luck to you--and all good thoughts.  And, on preview, what notaprof said.

[angry_noodle]

Thanks. I'll look into it. I really want to do something. I guess I'd better get started.

Just FYI. Prytania Street is in New Orleans.

[prytania3]

"I drink because I'm depressed." Wahwah. Don't even go there.

This sucks. I'm really angry at this. I'm sorry I don't meet your definition of a major depression.

I mentioned this hit 5 years ago. I used to live near Prytania Street 5 years ago.

And not only can't I receive treatment for the aftermath, I can't even get treatment for my issue with alcohol on anything more than an anonymous basis, nor can I receive any sort of medication.

I'm really sorry, Pry. I really am. This wasn't intended as a vent on you. You're ok.

Goddammit.

I'm assuming you are referring to the flood, which was a terrible, terrible thing. but many people go through terrible, terrible things, and some of them drink and their life gets a lot worse. In fact, it gets even worse than what they went through that they blamed their drinking on. You can always find an *excellent* reason to drink too much.