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[collegekidsmom]

Knittedscarf, I think you may mean well but you are really not helping here. The OP is working through some things by writing here, and you are coming across as angry- or looking for an argument. I don't really think it's fair to keep telling the OP to print out the fora writings and bring them to the therapist. I am sure the OP is just trying to discuss the issue in a more anonymous way, and has stated that he/she is not in an immediate crisis. Also, it seems strange to keep stating that "you are sick." I am not sure that that is something any of us can(or should) say. I am also not sure that "a healthy person does not have thoughts of ending their life." That is interesting to me because I can think of many instances where any person could have those thoughts for any number of reasons.
I think that this kind of reaction is one of the things that makes people who consider suicide afraid to talk about it at all-the idea that it necessarily means an immediate crisis is unfolding.

To the OP-I hope you continue to reach out, and that the therapy and meds work well for you.

[voxprincipalis]

Everything I've written has been with  the specific goal of helping the OP. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had friends and family that thought, attempted, or completed suicide.

Taking the kindest view of knittedscarff's comments as possible, I would like to suggest that although you feel you mean well, knittedscarff, your way of going about it is really not helpful to someone who is where the OP is right now. There is help, and then there is help -- and there is also knowing how to give the right kind of help at the right moment. If indeed you have someone in your friend/family circle who has contemplated, attempted, or completed suicide, then it may well be that you are responding from that place of crisis. Although I am not trying to mind-read you, it would be easy to imagine that someone in that place might feel the need to be overly vehement as a way of remedying past feelings of inability to help, ineffectiveness, fear, etc. If that happened to you, knittedscarff, I am very sorry.

No one is denying the seriousness of what the OP is posting. In fact, because of its seriousness, I (and others, I know) have been in touch with OP via PM -- which is why I'm responding to the thread although I have not previously participated in it. OP is having a variety of conversations with a variety of people who are all concerned about him/her. OP is cognizant of the relevant issues. OP is seeking the help of professionals. Big issues are not solved in one visit to a therapist. It takes time, and patience, and support, and the road is not always straight. Sometimes there are roadblocks, or people take detours they shouldn't be taking. This is not unusual, and OP had the sense to figure out when s/he needed to tell someone and do so. OP will get there. S/he has friends in his/her corner here, some who have had the same kinds of experiences and who have been where OP is now and got through it. It is not a short journey, nor a simple one, and it will have ups and downs. Patience and understanding and ongoing support are required.

VP

[ersatz_forumite]

Thanks, CKM and Voxy. You both said that much better than I did. And, thank you to everyone who has supported me on this thread and taken the time to PM with me about this. I really appreciate it, and it has helped me a lot.

My appointment this morning was not easy, but all things considered it went well. I have another one on Wednesday. I really do want to get through this.

[mountainguy]

My appointment this morning was not easy, but all things considered it went well. I have another one on Wednesday. I really do want to get through this.

Congrats on getting through the appointment!! Hang in there!

[msparticularity]

My appointment this morning was not easy, but all things considered it went well. I have another one on Wednesday. I really do want to get through this.

Congrats on getting through the appointment!! Hang in there!

There's no way out but forward through this, and you're headed in the right direction. Nice work!

[ersatz_forumite]

Hi everyone.

I just thought I would update this thread to say that I am doing a lot better now -- I went back on my meds and they're really starting to help. I'm not as bothered by things that were really getting to me any more, and although I still have the occasional bad day and thoughts of suicide, it is not happening anywhere near as frequently as it was when I made my first post on this thread. My appointments with my psych are getting easier as well, and she's said that she thinks I am making a lot of progress, that I have been sounding much more positive over the past couple of weeks. I guess I do feel more positive. Nothing has really changed at all, I'm just feeling better about a bunch of stuff that was f***ing me up, and it isn't so much of an issue at the moment.

I know I've still got a long way to go before I'm totally out of this, but I feel I'm getting somewhere. And, thanks again for your support -- you've all been extremely helpful, and I very much appreciate that.

[prytania3]

So glad to hear things are improved!

[collegekidsmom]

It is so nice to hear you are doing better. That is such good news. We are always here if you need to reach out ever again.

[msparticularity]

Excellent news! And I agree that it really isn't so much about the circumstances themselves as it is about how we're relating to them. My own experience is that sometimes I can be like a duck and just let them slide right off of my back, and sometimes they all insist upon sticking to me. And in all of this, also, I do find that "better living through chemistry" is often my motto.

[larryc]

Congratulations and thanks for checking back in.