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[mdwlark]

Marriages/intimate partnerships are governed by the butterfly effect.  Small changes in one partner's behavior may have a big impact on the relationship and may feel like a tidal wave to the other partner.  If the partner is threatened by change or hasn't bought in to the whole "let's rework the terms of the relationship" thing, the partner may start fighting back to maintain the status quo.  

So, realize you have started something big, even if you think you are only making small changes.  Regardless of diagnosis, this relationship is working for your partner.  He/she set up the terms of the relationship, and most of the time you have gone along with it.  He/she gets to be wonderful inside the relationship, advising and defining you, which you are supposed to agree you need, and the private wonderfulness spills over into and reinforces partner's public persona.  The partner has perfected keeping the public persona polished too.  I suspect the partner is not going to give this up without a fight, especially since the game rules have been that you are supposed to acquiesce to it and to some degree you have.

Like TRB, I have spent many years examining this process, as in, what went wrong for me?  Right now you have homeostasis.  It is an uneasy truce.  Homeostasis may not be very happy or workable for one of the partners, but all systems seek it.  When you attempt to change, you create disequilibrium even if both partners have agreed a change is needed.  When one partner is committed to keeping things the same, it creates a lot of turmoil.  Sometimes relationships in flux hold together just by the intensity of the commitment to each other.  They are able to weather the storm because the partners decided they would.  Mine didn't make it, but I just wish it had ended much sooner, before all the damage was done to many parties.  

I wish you much success and positive growth no matter how things turn out.