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[post_functional]

Anyone ever notice how the snarky comments come in two flavors only: "life is meaningless without kids" and "life is miserable with kids"?

Often coming from the same people with no sense of the irony.

[sylvie]

It took me two years to conceive my son. It was indeed two years of hell and a time when I hated every pregnant woman. For those two years I tried everything except actually fertility treatments, because they are not covered by my insurance. Nothing worked, but we had fertility testing done and nothing was wrong with us either.

Do  you know what finally worked? The hystersalpinogram.

It is not a pleasant test, but I wanted it to give me peace of mind, since it's very common for a woman's tubes to blocked due to a number of "symptomless" causes, such a mild endometriosis, a pelvic infection, etc.

I decided to have it because I read that it can increase fertility for three months after the test, and in fact I conceived my son within days after having the test. My RE joked that sometimes the test can "blow out" a woman's tubes (this being a good thing, lol).

We are about to start TTC #2, and I'm nervous about jumping into the whole thing a second time, especially because this time around I'm 39.

[knitknat]

testing, thanks for moving the conversation to its own thread. i feel like this is one of the only places where i can commiserate.

yet another month has passed, and my period showed up today. is it wrong to want to scream obscenities right now?

i think it would be easier not to get depressed if my entire extended family didn't get knocked up with such ease. 22 cousins on my mom's side (Catholic), and I am the only one in the whole damn group who finished any kind of college. While I was getting degrees and being a productive member of society, they were getting pregnant in high school and going on welfare. I love my sisters, but they both got pregnant the second they went off birth control (at least they were both married and had a stable situation).

I've stopped reading the threads where everyone complains about how they feel like they've lost their academic identity due to kids. i've give up every f#$%^&* degree I have to get pregnant.

[lolar2]

I don't exactly belong here, because I have one child and I'm not trying to conceive, but if anyone has any questions about thrombophilia-related miscarriages, I have a fairly good layperson's knowledge of that subject so I wanted to mention that in this thread in case it might be useful to someone.

[littlefred]

knitknat, what have you tried so far?

I too have had my period this month, and was devastated. To make matters much worse, my father-in-law died a week ago. He and bigfred were VERY close. Probably the closest I have ever seen a father/son.

His dad was his best friend, older brother, confidant.... all his life it was the 2 of them. His mom died about 10 years ago, after being disabled for most of bigfred's life....

I NEED to be pregnant, I MUST give him kid/s... I feel so helpless, and sad. And useless.

So, I will be a pin cushion and drink herbs that taste like ASS, and I will do whatever the OB tells me to do.... if I have to stand on my head, I will.

[newbie]

I feel for you all that are having trouble conceiving and want it so badly. It doesn't seem fair that sixteen-year-olds can get pregnant without problems even though they don't want kids yet, and yet mature adults who want them have trouble.

I must admit also that it scares me for myself, like I need to rush and hurry up start trying to have a kid even if we don't know for sure what we want.

And then I read threads like what knitknat talked about with people complaining about life with kids and feel like maybe we shouldn't rush into things.

Maybe I should stay off the internet.

[concordancia]

I feel for you all that are having trouble conceiving and want it so badly. It doesn't seem fair that sixteen-year-olds can get pregnant without problems even though they don't want kids yet, and yet mature adults who want them have trouble.

I must admit also that it scares me for myself, like I need to rush and hurry up start trying to have a kid even if we don't know for sure what we want.

And then I read threads like what knitknat talked about with people complaining about life with kids and feel like maybe we shouldn't rush into things.

Maybe I should stay off the internet.

Off the internet is sometimes worse. My mother used to tell me that I owed her grandkids and that I should never ever live with anyone else in the same conversation. Luckily, my oldest brother admires the Duggar's and so she has decided that she has enough grandkids.

[gennimom]

testing, thanks for moving the conversation to its own thread. i feel like this is one of the only places where i can commiserate.

yet another month has passed, and my period showed up today. is it wrong to want to scream obscenities right now?

i think it would be easier not to get depressed if my entire extended family didn't get knocked up with such ease. 22 cousins on my mom's side (Catholic), and I am the only one in the whole damn group who finished any kind of college. While I was getting degrees and being a productive member of society, they were getting pregnant in high school and going on welfare. I love my sisters, but they both got pregnant the second they went off birth control (at least they were both married and had a stable situation).

I've stopped reading the threads where everyone complains about how they feel like they've lost their academic identity due to kids. i've give up every f#$%^&* degree I have to get pregnant.

Knitknat, while I'm not in the business of having kids anymore, I remember when I was. My sisters all had kids with ease, the youngest even stated when she would get pregnant and what gender it would be. The grandkids were all having kids all around me. All I could do was have a miscarriage. The last straw seemed to be when the newest niece-in-law announced she was pregnant at Christmas Eve. I'd found out I wasn't pregnant a few days before. I'd left my secure job and gone back to grad school to get away from all of it. How I finally got pregnant with Genni, I'll never be sure but I have my suspicions.

Just hang in there and vent here all you need. We're willing to lend an ear and give support, even if we don't have any useful advice. I for one, do understand, and I'm positive others do as well.

[mntwins]

Chiming in on the venting.  When it's a struggle to get pregnant, it helps to talk/vent to others who have gone through the same thing. 

[menotti]

Anyone ever notice how the snarky comments come in two flavors only: "life is meaningless without kids" and "life is miserable with kids"?

Often coming from the same people with no sense of the irony.

I've heard that parenting is the ability to simultaneously think "You are driving me bat*&^& insane" and "I love you more than life itself" at the same time.

[knitknat]

thanks for the support, all. i think this is the only place I can avoid the dreaded "helpful advice" and just be upset.

littlefred, i've had multiple issues intersecting in my efforts to conceive. i knew nearly two years ago that i was hypothyroid (which is well linked to infertility), but i couldn't get a doctor to ignore the "normal" lab results and assess my symptoms and family history. after TTC for a year, i finally found an integrative practice this spring, and my new doc has started me on thyroid meds (which take a long time to work).

I have also started acupuncture after reading Randine Lewis's book, but I know that will also take a while to make a difference, and I've only had treatments for the last 2 cycles.

My OB has suggested the HSG and looking at endometriosis as a possible factor, but I'm hoping to save that as more of a last ditch effort. I'm only 33 for cripes' sake.

[dr_alcott]

Just want to put a good word in for the HSG (hysterosalpingogram), which worked for us after 14 months of trying (which came after some months of figuring out thyroid and polycystic ovarian disease issues). It really wasn't so terrible--just some cramping and intimidating machinery--and I conceived shortly after.

Sending good wishes to all who are trying!

[doxan]

Anyone ever notice how the snarky comments come in two flavors only: "life is meaningless without kids" and "life is miserable with kids"?

Often coming from the same people with no sense of the irony.

I've heard that parenting is the ability to simultaneously think "You are driving me bat*&^& insane" and "I love you more than life itself" at the same time.

This is an amazingly good summary of parenthood as I've experienced it. Warm wishes to all who are wanting to parent and haven't found a way yet: I've been there and it sucks.

[wildwest]

I've been looking into the relationship between gluten intolerance and unexplained infertility (supposedly 30% of cases of unexplained fertility could be contributed to celiac disease).  I'm thinking about going gluten-free (in hopes that it will solve some other health issues too).  Wondering if anyone has had success going this route?

The gluten-free folks that I know seem to be such fanatics about it--to the point of being obnoxious and way too high-maintenance.  And--I've been eating bread my whole life.  Sigh. 

Hmmm . . .

[omgacademe]

It took nearly two years to get pregnant with omg!fetus.  I'm about halfway through the pregnancy and I still have an instinctive jealous reaction when I see pregnant women.  I think it's very natural.

I will suggest a book that really helped me understand my own cycle and learn what was going wrong: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.  It's amazing what you can figure out about your fertility without any invasive tests.  For example, by charting my cycle, I figured out that I have low progesterone and was able to make some change that helped.

I wish everyone who is trying the best of luck!