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[whose_sock_is_this]

Another sock coming out to chat to y'all.

I have several scars on my arms that are an obvious result of self-cutting. Some of them are a more obvious red color than others. Currently I cover these up with long-sleeved shirts around work but I have been wondering how bad it would be if I just didn't hide them? They are probably more noticable to me than they are to anyone else. What would you think if one of your colleagues had scars like this? Would you realize straight away how they got them and if you did recognize it as self-cutting, would you judge the person for it? I'm fed up of not being able to wear what I want to wear especially on hot days because I feel like I have to hide these scars. But at the same time I don't want to have my professionalism questioned because of it. What do you think? Hide or not?

[lolar2]

Are you sure it's obvious what they are from?

[crowie]

I think it's possible that the scars are not as obvious as you think.  Do you have anyone in your life whom you'd be comfortable asking them to tell you honestly how noticeable they are?  Are you in therapy currently, to deal with the cutting?  Could you ask your therapist's opinion?  I think most people are busier, more self-obsessed and less observant of others than one might think.  For my part, if I did notice and then cared enough/thought about it enough to figure out what might likely be their cause, then I think I'd be non-judgmental about it.  My reaction would probably be more concern than judgment.  I don't think I'd see you as 'unprofessional.'  Another possibility is to look into scar-covering concealing make up.  Obviously that would involve time and effort in the morning, but perhaps with practice you'd get relatively quick about it.

[larryc]

Hard to say without seeing them.

More important question: Are you still cutting yourself?

[locutus]

Unless the scars are big and near your wrist I don't think many people will notice or think of cutting. It's just not something that is on a lot of people's radar (no matter how common it is). I would bet the people who have dealt with it directly or indirectly would be more likely to notice.

[chaosbydesign]

Corrective foundation (i.e. Dermablend - I posted about this in another thread recently) is your friend. It covers even deep red scars very efficiently. Actually, it covers healing injuries pretty well too, but I don't particularly want to advocate putting foundation in open wounds so that point is purely to demonstrate how good the stuff can be.

With regards to covering scars or not, I think it depends on how you feel about them yourself, how recent they are, and how you react to people commenting on them. Speaking from experience, some people will notice and comment. In the past, my scars have not been instantly recognisable as self-injury and people have asked how I got them - out of interest, rather than concern about self-injury. Now they are more obvious, and a person I trust enough to evaluate their obviousness has confirmed this (as crowie suggested, ask someone if you can. Other people see them differently to how you see them), so I wear corrective foundation every time I leave the house without long sleeves on. It can be a PITA but it makes me feel more comfortable. I don't like how they look, and I don't particularly want to attract negative attention or end up being asked awkward questions.

I think the question is more about you and what makes you feel comfortable more than anything else. If your scars don't make you feel self-conscious, then don't cover them. If they do, then corrective foundation can give you a break from the long sleeves. I wouldn't suggest ever showing very recent, obvious injuries though.

PM me if you want to talk about it off the fora at all.

[frogfactory]

Depends how bad they are, really.  I have a good friend who has large numbers of keloids on his arms, quite obviously from cutting (they're perfectly parellel stripes across his forearms), and I think they get quite a lot of attention.

If the scars are recent it's quite possible they'll go down/away with time if you leave them alone.  Cocoa butter is meant to be good for long term scar treatment.  If you want to conceal them, you might try tattoo coverup makeup, which is a bit more resilient than the stuff for your face.

[kedves]

It is hard for me to say; my own reactions are probably not a good basis for knowing what most people would do or say.  My guess is based on what people I know, friends and students, tell me about reactions to various kinds of scars.  People are very curious and many are not at all hesitant about staring or asking questions.  Have you rehearsed how you feel about questions and what you'll say?  If your main goal is comfort, then both physical and psychological comfort are important.  For physical comfort, lightweight linen and cotton tunics are very cool in the summer. 

[macaroon]

What type of position are you in, and how old are the scars?

If you are tenured, and the scars are 20 years old, wear whatever you want.  Who cares if people think you had some troubles as a teen?

However, if your position is a short-term one where you need stellar letters of recommendation, keep hiding them.  People barely have enough time to know your work, and you wouldn't want these details about your personal life to get in the way of people's mental image of you.   Also, if they are recent, you might net yourself an intervention.  Fine if you have tenure.  Not fine if you are in a 1 year position.

[whose_sock_is_this]

Lolar2 etc: Yes it is obvious if people studied them for long enough. The positioning is not something that could have happened by accident.

Crowie: Yes, I have regular sessions with my therapist. I may bring this up at the next one.

LarryC: No, I am not. Not since last year. Not long but it is a start.

I'm in the middle of a 2 year contract, non-TT position at large state U. Macaroon, what you describe is exactly what worries me.

Some of the scars are almost 20 years old whereas others are much more recent as it is something I have had issues with for most of my adult life. I'm not a 'typical' self-cutter as I did not start in my teens.

Kedves, it is definitely a comfort issue more than anything. I'm tired of hiding it but cannot rationalize not hiding it when it might cause me further problems.

ChaosByDesign: Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with this. How long does the make up last on you? Can you tell that you are wearing it or is it not that easy to see once it is on? How about for more 'raised' scars? I like the idea of covering without long sleeves being necessary.

[chaosbydesign]

ChaosByDesign: Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with this. How long does the make up last on you? Can you tell that you are wearing it or is it not that easy to see once it is on? How about for more 'raised' scars? I like the idea of covering without long sleeves being necessary.

It lasts all day on me, about 16 hours. It doesn't last as long if you don't use the setting powder on top, though, and this also helps prevent the foundation rubbing off onto your clothes. I don't have a problem with it doing that at all if I use the powder. It's quite expensive, and I can go through a 30ml bottle of foundation in two weeks in the summer, but it is definitely worth it if it means you're more comfortable. If you don't want to spend a lot just to try it out, or are not sure what colour you'll need, Dermacolour sell tester packs where you can match the shade to your skin tone (Dermablend has been discontinued in many places, which was a real annoyance to me when my usual stockist ran out, but Dermacolour is just as good - I'd go with that, they make a good body cover). Occasionally towards the end of the day it starts to wear off a bit at I feel the need to add a bit more, but that rarely happens enough for it to be an annoyance. The Dermacolour body cover (I still put the Dermablend setting powder over this even though it's a different brand) is pretty much water resistant as well, so you don't need to worry about it getting splashed. If you're going to go swimming, though, carry the tube with you so you can reapply afterwards. It does take a little bit off when exposed to water for a prolonged period of time.

About being able to see it or not, that really depends on how well you put it on. Too much is really obvious, but if you get just the right coverage, you can barely see it. It just makes it look like you have quite smooth skin. I doubt anyone would be looking that closely at your arms anyway - i've certainly never had anyone ask me why I have make-up on my arms!. When you put it on, the best thing to do is put a base layer on, then add a little more around the scars, which ends up 'blending' them into the rest of your skin. Put the base layer on your whole arm, as well, don't stop just at the boundaries of where you have scars or you'll end up with a slightly obvious line

I'm not sure about raised scars as none of mine are. Mine are kind of the opposite, so I just put a bit more foundation on those to make them 'level' with the rest of my skin, and you can't really notice the unevenness any more. I suppose you could do that for raised scars as well, just adding more to the edges of them.

You could always try Bio Oil. It did nothing for me, but is meant to be good for scars and everyone is different so it might work on you.

Also, what Kedves suggests about thinking about stories/responses if you do get comments is particularly important, as you don't want to get caught off-guard in a situation where telling the truth is not really appropriate or comfortable for you. I've found that telling people "it's a long story" fails when they respond with "well I have time to hear it", so you need to have something 'good' ready should the situation arise. You may be comfortable just telling the truth, but I know that there have been many occasions where I haven't been in the past, and getting people off my back is not easy once they have decided to seriously question me. This is something you need to consider before 'showing' any scars, if you decide to go with them completely uncovered.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, and it's really good that you have been self-injury free for a year. It doesn't sound like much to most people, I don't think, but it really is an achievement when you have had problems with it for so long. The fact that you are considering showing your scars is a good sign that you are starting to get over it as well, as you're looking for ways to move forward and not use wearing clothing to cover up as an 'excuse' to self-injure.

[kedves]

I was wondering, depending on your skin tone, about tanning and self-tanning lotions.  I don't know if that would even out the appearance of the skin or accentuate the scars.  Scar tissue is different from regular skin.

Regarding what to say, I have a close friend with significant scarring on her hands and when I asked her about it she said, "I just don't talk about that, sorry," which was definite but polite.  It didn't make me feel not-close to her.  And she once asked me about a mark I had, thinking it was something it wasn't, and I reassured her but didn't explain further.  I think if that sort of limit, while it's not as intimate as complete disclosure, doesn't harm a friendship, then it's fine for anyone who asks.

I also wonder what sorts of clothes and accessories you wear and if giving people something elsewhere on which to focus visually might do something.  If the eyes are given a focus, they tend not to roam around as much.  Within limits, of course!  (I am imagining sequins and feathers.)

[chaosbydesign]

I was wondering, depending on your skin tone, about tanning and self-tanning lotions.  I don't know if that would even out the appearance of the skin or accentuate the scars.  Scar tissue is different from regular skin.

I tried this once, Kedves, and it didn't go well - apparently scar tissue absorbs fake-tan much more readily than 'regular' skin and they ended up much darker. That isn't to say that it won't work for you though, OP, but if you're going to try it just try it on a small area first.

[cranefly]

Ah, just tell them you used to be a lion tamer.
Can you try cover-up/foundation?

[spyzowin]

Another sock coming out to chat to y'all.

I have several scars on my arms that are an obvious result of self-cutting. Some of them are a more obvious red color than others. Currently I cover these up with long-sleeved shirts around work but I have been wondering how bad it would be if I just didn't hide them? They are probably more noticable to me than they are to anyone else. What would you think if one of your colleagues had scars like this? Would you realize straight away how they got them and if you did recognize it as self-cutting, would you judge the person for it? I'm fed up of not being able to wear what I want to wear especially on hot days because I feel like I have to hide these scars. But at the same time I don't want to have my professionalism questioned because of it. What do you think? Hide or not?

Well, there's cutting and there's scarification. If it's scarification, that's okay. I like tattoos and piercings and such and even have and show tattoos in the workplace myself. But if it's actual honest to god cutting, I would immediately recognize it.  I recommend that you continue to hide the scars from students and colleagues.

I think that Kedves probably erred (although in good intention) asking about someone's scars, but their response would have skeeved me out.

Yeah. Conceal them at all costs.