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[mystictechgal]

My significant other will be moving with me to a new state that is unfamiliar to us both.  I will be the only source of income for some period of time, and they would be giving up a job that has fairly decent benefits (although low salary).  Due to the new location, their best hope (by far) is self-employment.  Should we plan to elope to save many thousands of dollars in insurance costs, while enjoying vastly lower taxes by filing jointly with our disparate incomes?  ironically, the savings would easily pay for an appropriately-sized reception after 12 months.  Even with open bar.  *Sigh*

I admit I haven't read the other responses, yet, but I'll tell you my story--short form (short as it gets). I hope it will, at least, make you smile and, perhaps, relax a little.

We worked together in IT in county government.  He was on the programming side of IT; I was on the systems and operations side.  I was proposed to on a Wednesday, and happily accepted.  We started discussing a date.  His brother had a long-standing date set for his upcoming wedding set about 1 year out.  We didn't want to steal his thunder (my husband was the eldest in his family & into his 30's--the family had about given up hope), so that was out.  We worked backward.  At every juncture he was either having to write the programs necessary for government operation, or I was going to be up to my hips in running those programs and generating the output.  Things were complicated a bit as it was an election year for our boss, someone we truly liked, and his legal counsel (a childhood friend of my husband), whom he'd thought would support our marriage was aghast, believing that a marriage of two people in the same department might hurt our boss' chances for reelection, so we knew to, at least, avoid the active campaign season.  We kept working backward and, finally, we looked at each other and said, almost simultaneously, "What are you doing on Friday?"

On Thursday (the next day) we bought rings and we both bought new suits that would be a bit dressier than normal, but within bounds for the department and day.  On Friday we sneaked, separately, across the hallway from our office to the Marriage License Bureau and got our license.  We left, together, by an alternate, back door that marked the Microfiche Office.  At lunchtime we went across the street to the courthouse where we might find a Judge to marry us.  The bailiff (whom we did not know) saw us peering into the courtroom and asked why we were there; we told him.  He asked us to wait a moment, entered the courtroom where a trial was in progress, and spoke to the Judge.  The Prosecutor had been in the middle of a statement.  The Judge immediately brought down his gavel and intoned that, "This court is in recess for one-half hour.  I have something worthwhile to do in my chambers."  (As the daughter of a lawyer and great and grand-daughter of Judges I was blown away by that.)  He married us in his chambers and told us that being allowed to join people who were in love was one of the best perks of the job he could imagine.  We went back to work.

We couldn't afford the money or the time for a "real" honeymoon.  As a surprise, he'd booked Friday and Saturday night at an historic inn adjacent to an historic reconstruction site and museum about an hour away.  He said it was just a get-away and promised me a "real" honeymoon later on.  Over our years together we traveled widely.  Every major trip, diving throughout the Caribbean, Hawaii, off the coast of Africa, going to Europe and Australia... they were all jokingly referred to as our "make-up" honeymoon. 

He died the morning after he turned 57.  I held his memorial service on July 30, 2008, on what would have been our 26th wedding anniversary--at a place that we both loved.  Now that I think of it, I guess, that would be the occasion of my last "honeymoon" vacation with him.  I still miss him dearly.

That elopement, and that marriage, both, have made for far better memories than my first wedding, which lasted, gee, almost 7 years.  That one had all the silk and tuxedos (actually, morning suits), a huge formal Catholic church wedding (minus mass, as I'm not Catholic), classical music performed by an organist and string trio, somewhere around 700-900 guests, reception at the most exclusive club in town--at which I was so busy greeting people and performing the required dances that I literally got 1 bite of the wedding repast set out. (Other than the cake--we did that, of course.  But, at this point, I couldn't tell you if I had a white, chocolate, or yellow cake--or something else--under pain of torture.)

To really cut to the chase and make it short? 

It is not the marriage ceremony that makes the marriage.  It is what you make of the time you have with each other afterward.

Congratulations, and best wishes, whatever you decide.

[polly_mer]

To really cut to the chase and make it short? 

It is not the marriage ceremony that makes the marriage.  It is what you make of the time you have with each other afterward.

This.

We basically did everything "wrong" for our wedding by getting married over our families' objections (what, isn't it a great idea for teenagers who have known each other less than a month to get engaged especially teenagers who have solid reputations as angry loners?) in two tiny ceremonies that had good possibilities for fistfights (I'm so glad that I was running a high enough fever that I don't remember much of anything) since no one involved except the bride and groom liked each other.  Yet, we will celebrate 17 years married together this summer even though the bets taken at our wedding (as we later found out) ran more along the lines of "Polly poisons him and buries him in the desert at 6 months" or "He kills Polly and eight bystanders using an Uzi in a restaurant at three months".

As Octoprof said, OP, you know yourselves and what should be done.  If you're just moving up the ceremony, then go ahead and have a small wedding even if you don't go all the way to elopement.  It's ok to just invite the handful of people with whom you want to share the day and skip the dog-and-pony show or have a small wedding and a bigger set of parties later.  People who love you will understand and will get over it.  The rest of the people don't matter.

[polly_mer]

Oh, and

Exactly how many people are you marrying?  As a rule, introverted atheists should alway elope.

Nah, we just had a wedding that contained the four friends who were hanging out that day as we went to the hang-out spot to dig up witnesses on short notice to drag to the courthouse and then we had a larger showy ceremony (with a whopping ten people on the front lawn) when we discovered too late that our small town wouldn't have a judge in town on Friday (although the court clerk had assured me the previous month that we didn't need to make an appointment until the week we wanted), but we could get married on Wednesday--the day before our families would arrive in town.

[prytania3]

Re: Helpful - Without revealing specifics of location, no common law, no joint filing, and partner benefits available after one year.  

Geez that is a pretty regressive state. I hope there aren't too many places where that is policy. (I lived common law for years and was able to jointly file and claim partner benefits for all those years).

There was actually someone who could stand living with you? Wow. I guess the old adage is right--a lid for every pot.

[collegekidsmom]

I know many very happily married couples. They have gotten married on beaches, the tops of mountains with a few friends, and some chose the big ceremonies. Your wedding is your wedding. If you decide to commit yourself to another person, it's probably best to do what is most meaningful to the both of you. I am a mother, and if one of my children married someone that they loved, and was happy, then I would be happy too. Other stuff is just selfish, or family expectation that people can get over if they try hard enough. It's like not getting divorced because the families will be upset, or for other reasons. There are times in life where something feels right to you, and you go for it. Too bad about what other people think. Some of the best memories in life come from those times when you listen to yourself, find that person who feels the same, and do what feels absolutely right. Everyone else will be happy for you, or at least get used to it, and if they don't, then they are not really worth worrying about.