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[mon_cher_or]

Hey guys, I’m from that period when people called their boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands “partners” or “significant others” when I was doing my undergrad in humanities (esp. among fem/queer/sexuality academics). When people took their spouses out in group activities, they would introduce them like “This is XYZ. XYZ and I are married” in order not to offend the lesbians from the fem class. How do you think this has changed in the past decade or two in the academia? How do you introduce your colleagues and students to your “that person”? What’s culturally sensitive and academically acceptable nowadays for this matter?

[spectacle]

I tend to refer to my husband as my SO out of habit (he's been my SO for years, but my husband for a few months). 

In terms of introductions, I introduce him by his name and say that he's my husband.  It never occurred to me that the word "husband" might be offensive to people - maybe that's insensitive of me? 

I do not introduce him to my students because I don't interact with them socially if I can help it.   One of my students ran into us once and I introduced him as "Professor Smith," since he also teaches at the school.

[systeme_d_]

I wasn't going to respond because I didn't care for the (perhaps unintended) tone of your "lesbians from the fem class" comment.

But at least in my humanities discipline, the term "partner" is used by queer and non-queer folks alike, whether married or in serious relationships.  The term "significant other" appears more often on written invitations or event announcements.

[mon_cher_or]

I wasn't going to respond because I didn't care for the (perhaps unintended) tone of your "lesbians from the fem class" comment.

I think I was only thinking of some particular individuals I really knew who had an issue with the engendered terms, e.g., boyfriend. Sorry. I was also in the fem class but I wasn't a lesbian, at least according to me. There was a variety of women (and maybe one guy, can't remember) in the fem class. Just the majority were lesbians, but probably it just happened to be like that our class out of coincidence.

[dellaroux]

This presumes that you sleep with some other human being every night.

Many people don't....perhaps it's just another problem avoided?

[totoro]

Before we married, I referred to "my partner". Now to "my wife".

[oldfullprof]

Girlfriend, then wife.  Hate the destruction of language that's been going on.  Significant other and partner sound stupid. 

[barred_owl]

How do I call my husband?  On the phone or by calling out, "Hey, [first name]!"

How do I refer to him when introducing him to others?  I usually just say, "This is my husband, [full name]."  Like Smithfieldmuse, I was unaware that there would be any problem with the term 'husband.'  Don't most people understand that term, or is there something problematic about it?

I also second dellaroux's observation that not everyone sleeps with some other human being every night.  Before I was married, on the rare occasions when I'd been accompanied by a person of the opposite sex (with whom I may or may not have shared a bed) and had to introduce him to others, I've simply said, "This is my friend, [name]."  The word 'friend' is gender-neutral and sexual orientation-neutral, in my opinion.  In fact, I would use the same introduction whether or not my companion was also my sexual partner.  I guess I don't really see a reason to offer information about a sexual relationship with a companion in a brief introduction or casual social setting.

[spectacle]

This presumes that you sleep with some other human being every night.

Many people don't....perhaps it's just another problem avoided?

When I first read the thread title, I thought "Kitty?  Mr. StinkyButt? Monsieur Minou?" All things that I call my cat.  Who I apparently consider to be a human being.

(My SO has been out of town for a week.)

[ellaminnow]

I introduce my husband as, "My husband."  My sister-in-law introduces her wife as her "wife."  My brother introduces his boyfriend as his "boyfriend."  My friend introduces her long-term-live-in-lover as  her "partner." 

P.S.  Hey "guys"? 

[concordancia]

Back in the day, I didn't know anyone who considered the terms husband, wife or spouse offensive. Perhaps I just didn't know anyone who was involved in the overzealous gender neutralization of language. Partner was used as a form of solidarity, in part because it allowed for eliding gender identification in general conversation: "My partner and I went out for dinner last night." As a matter of fact, we once spent a break period pondering the sexual orientation of a professor who had just said something like that.

Now, it would make more sense to me to find these terms offensive - waving in someone's face that you have a right that they don't have.

Personally, I haven't got beyond the "someone I am dating" stage of a relationship in so long that it is a moot point, only to be considered when writing invitations, where I have been known to put "others of varying levels of significance are welcome," because it is fine with me if people bring the person they started dating last week, as long as they aren't making out while I am trying to talk to them. Call the person you sleep with every night whatever the two of you feel comfortable with: I want better words for the beginning stages of a relationship where you are avoiding words that imply long term commitment because the two of you haven't really talked about it yet.

[tolerantly]

I introduce my husband as, "My husband."  My sister-in-law introduces her wife as her "wife."  My brother introduces his boyfriend as his "boyfriend."  My friend introduces her long-term-live-in-lover as  her "partner." 

P.S.  Hey "guys"? 

Guys. Dudes. Motherf***ers. All one and the same.

Depending on whether or not there's a thunderstorm, it's either nobody or my daughter/kid/child/girl/sweetie.

In the past, it was my boyfriend/man/husband. Of all of them I prefer "man". "Significant other" is for tax forms, along with the dreadful POSSLQ.

As for introductions, I usually introduce by name, first and/or last as the situation requires. Where the guy sleeps is a little TMI for an introduction, don't you think? I made an exception for "husband", because people get antsy if they can't match paired animals. So then it was, "...my husband, Firstname."

[chaosbydesign]

When I have one, I refer to them as either my partner or my girlfriend.

Out of interest, what was it exactly that your lesbian coursemates found offensive about terms like boyfriend/husband, girlfriend/wife etc?

[glowdart]

OP, you and I must be roughly the same age because I vividly remember these debates from college.

I don't remember the exact details too clearly anymore, but the arguments went something like:

-- boyfriend/ girlfriend is infantilizing adults as children
-- husband/wife presumes a hetero world view b/c marriage wasn't available for non-hetero relationships
-- significant other applies to all relationship types
-- partner also applied to all types, but it was usually code for "gay life partner" because many hetero people who were partnered at that point were using some other term (husband, wife, spouse).  This also created some confusion among people when partner was used to describe a hetero spouse, but I had profs who specifically used to use it (and told us so) to remind students to not make assumptions. 

Now, however, the concept of gay marriage seems to have become sufficiently widespread that most people I know have reverted back to gf/bf or husband/wife for hetero- and homo-sexual couplings, although partner still is used by non-married people who refuse to say bf/gf. 

[johnr]

The only reason I even got married was so that I could leave behind the entire "partner, soul mate, significant other, lover, girlfriend, friend with benefits" confusion/ambiguity/silliness and simply call the eternally patient, love of my life; Wife.  

I like to introduce her as, "my first wife".  I thinks it's hilarious, her, not so much.