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[spectacle]

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.

Nothing quite so sinister. Keep in mind we're talking about an Easter movie in kindergarden here. It may have been the first time she has heard about Jews, other than Jesus being one. Probably shame on me for that. 

We're in the rural Bible Belt--a strange world: Catholics are viewed as somewhat exotic and aren't always seen as "real" Christians here. I $hit you not. In reality, the Catholic school is probably less hostile towards non-Christians than the local Southern Baptists on any given day. The lack of diversity in this place has to take it's toll on some level, but that's probably for another thread.   

You know, this is a relief for me to read. My husband (who is Jewish) doesn't believe me when I tell him that - literally - until I went to college I had never met a Jewish person, and that the chosen folks were spoken of as a completely exotic, far-away thing in my very, very rural midwestern hometown.

[barred_owl]

Motherofgods' story reminded me of this one from a few days ago:

My brother-in-law is babysitting his grandkids, a 3-yr-old grandson and 8-yr-old granddaughter.  BIL decides to put grandson down for a nap, a process that takes about 20 minutes or so.  Granddaughter is downstairs, watching TV.  So far, so good.

After the grandson falls asleep, BIL goes downstairs and finds granddaughter watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  His conversation with granddaughter goes something like this:

BIL:  I didn't know that that movie was on. 
GD:  Me either, but it is.  I wanted to watch it.
BIL:  How did you know it was on?
GD:  I don't know.  I just saw the name, so I clicked the button to turn it on.
BIL:  What channel is this?
GD:  I don't know.  It just said, 'Do you want to buy this movie?', so I clicked the button to say 'Yes,' because I wanted to watch it.
BIL:  <palm::forehead> I see...ahem...
GD:  <bats eyelashes at gramps>  Grandpa, it was only a dollar.

Granddaughter goes back to watching the Oompa-Loompas, while BIL looks for the instructions on how to activate the parental controls for pay-per-view channels.

[nontrad_jr]

Baby related:

DS (2 yrs old) has a placemat with the presidents on it. 

Me:  Who's that
DS: Ronald McDonald Reagan
Me: Who's that
DS: Bush Dada
Me: Who's That
DS: Clinton
Me: Who's That
DS: Bush Baby
Me: Who's That
DS: President O'Mama

I laughed really hard at the baby boy.  The fact that he thinks that every electrical socket is a lock and he knows how to take off every plastic cover to stick the "key" in, is what makes me drink.

For the religious question - as a NYC PC-liberal Jew, I was shocked to overhear my new grad school colleagues in the south try to figure out if I "was an Israelite, or a n-word" and yes, I met lots of people who never met a Jew before.

[capper]

Last night my five year old twins were discussing what to do if they were ever to get lost.  My daughter replied "If I ever got lost and...and...and I found a gun, I would walk AWAY from the gun because I feel like if I walked TOWARDS the gun I would pick UP the gun and start shooting people.  So I would walk away from the gun."

Ah.  Good to know.  Glad she feels able to exhibit self-control where the shooting of guns is concerned.

[lemonbar]

Lemoncookie (two and a half year old son): I want to take a bath.
Mom/Dad: You'll take one later. Not now.
LC: I want to take a bath.
M/D: Not now. Later.
LC: I want to take a bath! (Louder. Holding cups/bowls that he likes to take into the bath with him.)
M/D: What did I just say? Later.
LC: I want a bath (tears welling up in eyes)!
M/D: LC, you will have a bath later!
LC: I want to take a bath (getting more hysterical)!!!
M/D: LC, you always have a bath at night. Not at 2 in the afternoon.
LC: (seeming to not understand parent's logic) I want a bath.....

You get the picture. We have the same conversation about LC wanting to eat crackers all day ("I want a cracker!" "Cracker? Cracker? Mommy, can I have a cracker?"), him having access to his portable DVD player ("t.v.?" "t.v.?": he calls it his "t.v."), etc. etc. What is it about repeating a request over and over? It is driving me nuts!!

So, yeah, drinking is the only way to get through childhood.

[post_functional]

Last night my five year old twins were discussing what to do if they were ever to get lost.  My daughter replied "If I ever got lost and...and...and I found a gun, I would walk AWAY from the gun because I feel like if I walked TOWARDS the gun I would pick UP the gun and start shooting people.  So I would walk away from the gun."

Ah.  Good to know.  Glad she feels able to exhibit self-control where the shooting of guns is concerned.

It sounds well reasoned to me.  Better than the alternative.

[marigolds]

Last night my five year old twins were discussing what to do if they were ever to get lost.  My daughter replied "If I ever got lost and...and...and I found a gun, I would walk AWAY from the gun because I feel like if I walked TOWARDS the gun I would pick UP the gun and start shooting people.  So I would walk away from the gun."

Ah.  Good to know.  Glad she feels able to exhibit self-control where the shooting of guns is concerned.

It sounds well reasoned to me.  Better than the alternative.

Mine told the babysitter yesterday, "You should probably hold my hand in the parking lot, because I might run away." 

I love how self-aware they are sometimes - how wonderful that they know their limitations and can ask for help with them! 

[dr_alcott]

Last night my five year old twins were discussing what to do if they were ever to get lost.  My daughter replied "If I ever got lost and...and...and I found a gun, I would walk AWAY from the gun because I feel like if I walked TOWARDS the gun I would pick UP the gun and start shooting people.  So I would walk away from the gun."

Ah.  Good to know.  Glad she feels able to exhibit self-control where the shooting of guns is concerned.

It sounds well reasoned to me.  Better than the alternative.

Mine told the babysitter yesterday, "You should probably hold my hand in the parking lot, because I might run away." 

I love how self-aware they are sometimes - how wonderful that they know their limitations and can ask for help with them! 

Yes. Unfortunately, my kids think they know other people's limitations too.

My neighbor has a cute but rambunctious beagle, whom my children love. The beagle was being especially noisy a couple weeks ago, and Neighbor Lady was trying to quiet it down. Finally, in exasperation, she yelled at it to shut up! My four-yr-old looked at her sternly and said, "You know, there's a better way to say that."

[helpful]

You know, this is a relief for me to read. My husband (who is Jewish) doesn't believe me when I tell him that - literally - until I went to college I had never met a Jewish person, and that the chosen folks were spoken of as a completely exotic, far-away thing in my very, very rural midwestern hometown.

On the other hand, I had never been in a church until I was in my 20s.The first church I went to was a Catholic church in a rural part of the country. All I remember about it was how superstitutious the service looked with all the smoke and incense. And bingo, which was big at this church (after services).

I still automatically associate bingo with church.

[post_functional]

Last night my five year old twins were discussing what to do if they were ever to get lost.  My daughter replied "If I ever got lost and...and...and I found a gun, I would walk AWAY from the gun because I feel like if I walked TOWARDS the gun I would pick UP the gun and start shooting people.  So I would walk away from the gun."

Ah.  Good to know.  Glad she feels able to exhibit self-control where the shooting of guns is concerned.

It sounds well reasoned to me.  Better than the alternative.

Mine told the babysitter yesterday, "You should probably hold my hand in the parking lot, because I might run away." 

I love how self-aware they are sometimes - how wonderful that they know their limitations and can ask for help with them! 

Yes. Unfortunately, my kids think they know other people's limitations too.

My neighbor has a cute but rambunctious beagle, whom my children love. The beagle was being especially noisy a couple weeks ago, and Neighbor Lady was trying to quiet it down. Finally, in exasperation, she yelled at it to shut up! My four-yr-old looked at her sternly and said, "You know, there's a better way to say that."

Yesterday I was in bed reading and my three-year-old came up to me and said "you need to take off your glasses and go to sleep!".

[mad_doctor]

A young relative's 4 year old, usually potty-trained son s*** his pants this past weekend. She probably would have loved a beer (or a shot) at that moment. Vodka shots always make cleaning up the poo easier.

HAHAha...  reminds me of the time mad_son cr@pped himself so bad I put him in the tub and used one of those adjustable shower heads to blast it all off while he screamed at the top of his lungs.  I remember my revulsion when I first saw the mess, and how I knew that extraordinary measures were required.  I briefly thought about putting him in the yard so I could use the garden hose.  I really did have a drink when it was all over.

[mad_doctor]

Oh, and let's not forget how they never choose to run around the house with dull, blunt objects like spoons or nerf balls - only knives, forks, and ice-picks will do...

Like the day I come home to find elder mad_son (about 8) swinging my machete in the yard with younger mad_son (then about 4) following close behind.  I poured a double for that one.

[rowan1]

Yesterday as I sat in my office, calmly writing up lecture prep notes the boyo and his "buddy" from down the street were outside playing in the sprinkler.

Suddenly the most horrible screaming began - like someone had just fallen and impaled themselves on a sharp and pointy object.  I rush out to see who is in need of an ambulance.

Boyo and "buddy" are simply trying to determine who can scream in the most convincing fashion.

[dellaroux]

Lemoncookie (two and a half year old son): I want to take a bath.
Mom/Dad: You'll take one later. Not now.
LC: I want to take a bath.
M/D: Not now. Later.
LC: I want to take a bath! (Louder. Holding cups/bowls that he likes to take into the bath with him.)
M/D: What did I just say? Later.
LC: I want a bath (tears welling up in eyes)!
M/D: LC, you will have a bath later!
LC: I want to take a bath (getting more hysterical)!!!
M/D: LC, you always have a bath at night. Not at 2 in the afternoon.
LC: (seeming to not understand parent's logic) I want a bath.....

You get the picture. We have the same conversation about LC wanting to eat crackers all day ("I want a cracker!" "Cracker? Cracker? Mommy, can I have a cracker?"), him having access to his portable DVD player ("t.v.?" "t.v.?": he calls it his "t.v."), etc. etc. What is it about repeating a request over and over? It is driving me nuts!!

So, yeah, drinking is the only way to get through childhood.

The only way to get through the "Twos" is to rephrase every question and demand into something that has choices.

Yesterday as I sat in my office, calmly writing up lecture prep notes the boyo and his "buddy" from down the street were outside playing in the sprinkler.

Suddenly the most horrible screaming began - like someone had just fallen and impaled themselves on a sharp and pointy object.  I rush out to see who is in need of an ambulance.

Boyo and "buddy" are simply trying to determine who can scream in the most convincing fashion.

Sounds like an actor's exercise to me!

[irhack]

The only way to get through the "Twos" is to rephrase every question and demand into something that has choices.

Two or three choices at most--and offer the one you want them to pick last--their little minds can't hold much long and they will usually pick the last choice offered.