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[fishbrains]

Conversation at the dinner table tonight after a long day with no naps (note: The six-year-old attends Catholic school):

Me: "What did you learn in school today, six-year-old" [not her real name]?
Six-year-old: "We saw a movie about Jesus."
Me: "What was it about?"
Six-year-old: "He died on the cross."
Me: "Why did he die on the cross?"
Six-year-old: [eye-roll] "Where else would he die?"
Me: "Okay, fair enough. What else did you learn?"
Six-year-old: "We learned about Jews."
Five-year-old: "I like apple juice."
Six-year-old: "There isn't no thing called "apple-Jews."
Five-year-old: "Yes there is. We had some for snack."
Four-year-old: "Where's is the apple juice?"
Six-year-old: "No! . . ."
Five-year-old: "We already had apple juice."
Four-year old: "Where's is my apple juice?"
Six-year-old: "You don't get "apple-Jews." There's no such thing!"
Four-year-old: [Screaming] "Five-year-old got apple juice! I want my apple juice! I want my apple juice!"
Six-year-old: "You can't have it! There's no . . ."
[Four-year-old throws food across the table, falls to the floor]
Mommy: "That's it! Everyone go sit on their beds while Daddy and I eat!"
[Four-year-old screams "I want apple juice!" on the floor for fifteen minutes in an attempt to win the Academy Award for most mindless tantrum ever thrown while the other two cry in their beds. Mommy and I eat.]

Please share those kid moments that make you drink.

[browneyedgirl]

I'm laughing over here!

My daughter is only 8 months but I can't imagine the priceless conversations that will be coming in the next few years!

And props to you for having 3 kids so close together!

[skinnymargarita]

Daughter: I want to get married in Mexico.
Mom: that will cost us 3000$ per couple for rooms alone.
Daughter: I know, only the people that really want to be there will come.

[bread_pirate_naan]

Too bad you can't smoke, then it would be funny.

[fishbrains]

Too bad you can't smoke, then it would be funny.

:)

[mouseman]

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.

[fishbrains]

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.

Nothing quite so sinister. Keep in mind we're talking about an Easter movie in kindergarden here. It may have been the first time she has heard about Jews, other than Jesus being one. Probably shame on me for that. 

We're in the rural Bible Belt--a strange world: Catholics are viewed as somewhat exotic and aren't always seen as "real" Christians here. I $hit you not. In reality, the Catholic school is probably less hostile towards non-Christians than the local Southern Baptists on any given day. The lack of diversity in this place has to take it's toll on some level, but that's probably for another thread.   

[mouseman]

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.

Nothing quite so sinister. Keep in mind we're talking about an Easter movie in kindergarden here. It may have been the first time she has heard about Jews, other than Jesus being one. Probably shame on me for that. 

We're in the rural Bible Belt--a strange world: Catholics are viewed as somewhat exotic and aren't always seen as "real" Christians here. I $hit you not. In reality, the Catholic school is probably less hostile towards non-Christians than the local Southern Baptists on any given day. The lack of diversity in this place has to take it's toll on some level, but that's probably for another thread.   

And here I thought that I would have to send pictures to prove that I don't have horns ;-)

[paultuttle]

My parents had four boys over a total of 4.5 years.  Yes, at one point they had four boys all under the age of five.  We were all highly intelligent (and undiagnosed probable ADHD).






Now I completely understand why my mother was nonstop out-of-her-mind crazy for twenty years, and why my father didn't come home until rather late (8:00 p.m. or after) during the work week.  Had they been people who drank any form of alcohol, I'm sure they'd have been alcoholics by the time I (the last of the four) was, oh, about two.

[irhack]

Where I lived (for a blessedly brief period) in the southwestern US, telling people that you were Catholic was like announcing that you'd been raised by wolves. The reaction was about the same.

During my brief stint in Appalachia, I found the same, Catholics are not considered to be Christian. Though a Baptist preacher up in Michigan also told me I wasn't really a Christian too, so it may be more a Baptist thing than a southern thing... but I digress.

[monsterx]

Not one to drive me to drink, but still:

Daddy asks mommy at the dinner table about what she did today at work.  The conversation involves genetic sequencing and pipetting.

Little Monster #1 (3yo) to Little Monster #2 (5yo): "Do you know how to do genetic sequencing?"
Little Monster #2: "Yes, I know how"
Little Monster #1: "Do you know how to pipette?"
Little Monster #2: "Yes, I know how"

[dr_alcott]

Love the stories . . . I love the line "There isn't no thing called 'apple Jews.'" That's gonna stick with me.

My 4-yr-old daughter (also my youngest) is interested in babies these days. For example, recently at the end of a baby shower she asked when she was gonna get to watch the baby come out. Here are a couple more baby-related examples:

Daughter: "Mommy, I'm not gonna have a baby until I'm a grome-up, right?"
Me [emphatically]: "Right!"
Daughter: "Then why do I have a bellybutton now?"

(Preface: I'm adopted, and a while back, I met my birth mother, and we see her once or twice a year.)
Daughter: "Mommy, you have two mommies, right?"
Me: "That's right!" 
[We review: "Mary" had me in her tummy, but Grandma took care of me and helped me grow up.]
Daughter: "But how did you get from Mary's tummy into Grandma's tummy?"

Clearly more age-appropriate bird-and-bees talk is in order . . . .

[collegekidsmom]

One day when I was a kid and it was raining out all of us were running around the house, around and around, jumping off the furniture. It seemed fun. Then my father came home, and my mother yelled when he asked about her day "I CAN'T STAND ANY OF THEM!!"

[motherofgods]

As any parent knows, a young child who plays quietly in their room for any length of time has either fallen asleep or up to no good.  Today, my five-year-old disappeared into her room for about 45 minutes.  I knew she was awake/alive because I could hear her talking.  Assuming she was playing with her Littlest Pet Shop toys, I left her alone.  When I finally got up to check on her, I found that she had taken every single item of clothing out of her closet and off the hangers and made a huge pile on the floor.  She claims she was playing dress-up. 

I'll be enjoying a few adult beverages this evening, for sure.

[mirandaf]

A young relative's 4 year old, usually potty-trained son s*** his pants this past weekend. She probably would have loved a beer (or a shot) at that moment. Vodka shots always make cleaning up the poo easier.