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[kerr7920]

Some of the things on your list would concern me, too, especially the expectation that you accommodate any student late paper request.  Have you been called out for trying to hold students to common expectations, or is it just a general feeling that since everyone else is lax on standards, you need to be, too?  If it is the latter, remember, you have tenure, do what you think is right, and don't worry about what others are doing. 

As for issues like endless meetings, there might be something you can do.  If there are things beyond teaching and research that contribute to the mission of the institution that you enjoy doing, and you are good at, approach the Dean and make a deal.  Tell them you are a lousy committee member, but you think you can contribute in other ways to the institution, and ask to be let out of specific meeting intensive tasks in exchange for these other things.  I do quite a bit of "above and beyond" for my institution that mainly benefits the college's community relations.  The college recognizes the value of what I do in this area, and I've used that to ask for a reprieve from many internal committee responsibilities.

The bottom line is this:  From an administrator's perspective, your research is important, but not all that important.  As a class of people, tenured academics are pretty self-centered, and focus on what they desire more than what the institution needs.  You should be able to make a case about how you are contributing to the institution beyond teaching and research.  If you can't, and the institution doesn't think teaching a couple of classes, meeting minimal office hour obligations, and publishing in an obscure journal every couple of years isn't enough, then you probably aren't a good fit.  But also know that the number of institutions that believe that is enough is very small, and will get smaller.  And there are lots of talented people out there who can't find a job who would be happy to do more for your institution.

[octoprof]

You are tenured and you and your family like where you live and you like teaching and research and so forth. Therefore, here are my specific suggestions (some of which I have used).

- a culture of meeting.  Now, meetings are fine in and of themselves when they accomplish something.  But most meetings are long, have laundry-list agendas (most of which is information sharing - probably important before the advent of e-mail but could now be replaced), and never seem to get to spend enough time on what I would consider important items for discussion/decision.  They are also extremely frequent.  There are, of course, historical reasons behind this culture, most of which no longer apply.  My suggestions to revamp the meeting process have been dismissed, but I could certainly try again (and will). 

Suggestions

• Don't go to meetings that you know are likely to be information sharing only.
• Don't go to meetings that too frequent, i.e. vote with your feet.
• Keep up the friendly suggestions about using email for information sharing since that is so very reasonable.
• Meeting attendance isn't going to get you promoted and the lack thereof isn't going to get your tenure revoked. Only go to the most important meetings.

- a culture of accessibility/presence.  Being at every single function organized by every single group is very important.  Students organize a lunch-time speaker?  Faculty must be there.  In your office?  Door must be open.  After my sabbatical I stopped going to a lot of things and started keeping my door closed a lot more (as examples), but I don't know how much more I can do.

Suggestions

• Don't go to functions that are not important. Pick and choose just enough of the most important ones (spreading them out over time so there won't be an obvious decreasing trend).
• Go to some functions just to be seen, then leave.
• There's not a thing wrong with keeping your door closed. I do it all the time (for quiet, necessary for thinking). I do, however, keep the door unlocked so that I can just say a friendly,"Come in!" rather than have to get up and open the door, which seems to be a negative thing to folks knocking.
• .

- a culture of accommodation.  Students have complicated lives.  Faculty are expected to recognize this and accommodate.  For example:  penalties for late work are completely verboten.  If a student doesn't meet a deadline, they are supposed to meet with the professor and come to agreement on when the paper will be submitted.  Ideally this happens before the deadline, but often it happens afterwards (even at the end of term).  I hate this.

Suggestions

• Sounds like a lack of academic freedom to me. However, can you work within it?
• For example, I have managed to never give makeup exams by giving an option that one missed exam can be replaced (without reasons or excuses) with the final exam (effectively doubling the value of the final). This gives students an out even if their excuse would otherwise be lame. I get no complaints about this policy. Of course, this works better with exams than it would with papers and other writing assignments.
• For papers, have a standard sliding scale for points off due to lateness (make it pretty lenient if you must to get by with it) and stick to it. Less work for you that way.
• Be creative with policies that give the students the break they seem entitled to (by your institution) but also do not increase your workload.

 
- a culture of what I call "babysitting".  Probably an extension of accommodation.  Students (ironically, in light of their "complicated lives") are not treated like rational adult beings (though we have many non-traditional-age students) but as children that faculty should "parent".  I have a child - a real one (nine years old).  I don't want more. 

Suggestions

• Just say no. Politely.
• If you treat them like adults, they will either become adults or they'll eventually go away and find someone else who will coddle them.
• The key is smiling nicely while saying no.
• I don't think your institution is going to revoke your tenure if you are simply upholding reasonable standards and being nice while doing so.

What do I want?  I want to go to work, teach my classes, be that harda$$ prof (but with a soft melty interior carefully guarded by the hard-a$$edness), keep 3-4 office hours a week, go to (and if necessary chair) meetings that are short, efficient, and effective.  That's it.  Is that utopian?  I don't know.  But I think that's why this is more about fit.

Suggestions

• Go to work and teach your classes.
• Be that harda$$ prof with the solf metly interior that is carefully guarded.
• Keep the minimum amount of official office hours necessary for your institution (this is what I always do, and I counter that by being available by email often).
• If you can't force the meetings to be shorter, then make them shorter by leaving early and/or by not going to some of them at all.

Honestly, given the things that are right about your location (for you and your family), I don't think this "lack of fit" is as bad as you think it is. If you can step away from your frustration over not being able to change the institution or your colleagues and look at the big picture, you may see that the fit isn't the issue so much, but rather some of the nit-picky details. If you can't change those enough to satisfy you, then change your behavior to make them tolerable (go to less meetings, close your door, etc.) and ignore some of those stupid institutional norms.

Or to be more succinct:

For me, a lot of the solution was in learning to stop engaging with the stuff that drove me crazy.

I don't think your environment is toxic, just annoying. So work on ignoring the annoying things that you cannot change.

[bibliologos]

Thanks, everyone, for the further comments.  It's good to get more perspectives on my situation.  With the anxiety etc. I do have a lot of catastrophic thinking, and it's good to get a check on that.

Yes, the place is not toxic or even dysfunctional. 

Bibliologos, one thing you said jumped out at me--you said "part of me says 'I want them to like me.'"  Of course, that's a very human desire:  most of us want to be liked, to some degree or another. 

One of the biggest and hardest lessons I've had to learn in my first year as chair in a contentious dept. ("behind-the-scenes, gossippy, group-think" contentious, rather than "in-your-face" contentious, which I can deal with) has been something a fellow chair has repeatedly told me:  "These people are NOT your friends.  If you're lucky, their your colleagues, in the best sense of that word; at base, they're people you work with."  It's been hard, but she's right. 

I was always the nerdy, teacher's pet, fat girl with glasses who never had friends in school.  While you'd think that would have toughened me up over the years and made me much more the "screw 'em if they don't like me" type (which my oldest daughter does SO well, and which I admire)....it hasn't.  I want them to like me, too.

Then again, at the end of the day, my chair friend is right:  we weren't hired to be Miss Popularity.  We were hired to do a job (whether that's teaching and researching and/or administrating or whatever), and we should try to be collegial and likeable and fair; but at the end of the day, we can't control how others react to us. 

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but it has taken some of the sting out of the situation for me these past months.

This was very helpful.  I am an approval-seeker (probably many of us were - the geeky kid in the class), but need to get over that.  There's a group-think mentality to the place that isn't working for me, but I need to stop doing what I think will get me liked and start doing what is "collegial and fair".  I have some ideas for that - some from this thread - thanks!  And I will continue to work on this with my therapist.

And Kerr7920, I don't think this is the case.  I am a good teacher and a reasonably productive scholar, and have done waaay more than my share of service to the institution.  But, you know, this is grad student and admincritter thinking -- faculty as replaceable widgets.  Not every PhD would be a good fit at every institution.  There is such a thing as bad fit in any institution, not just higher education -- and it's been very helpful to me to read the responses here and think about whether this is bad fit or something in myself that I can adjust. 

If you can't, and the institution doesn't think teaching a couple of classes, meeting minimal office hour obligations, and publishing in an obscure journal every couple of years isn't enough, then you probably aren't a good fit.  But also know that the number of institutions that believe that is enough is very small, and will get smaller.  And there are lots of talented people out there who can't find a job who would be happy to do more for your institution.

[gadget]

Bibliologos

I want to raise something different. You say you are seeing a therapist. In your sessions you appear to mostly talk about your feelings of disquiet and anxiety, concerns you are "working on" by talking about them. You started therapy before your sabbatical, which is about to end, and you fear returning to the same environment that you attribute these negative feelings to. But as many have pointed out, you have earned tenure (which means they "like you" and gives you some authority to make changes in your job performance) and your job irritations are fairly small and can be addressed by small changes in your own behavior. Perhaps you would benefit from a different therapeutic approach. You can bring this up with your therapist, or you can look for someone else. The most effective approaches are cognitive and/or medical. Your therapist may be using one of these approaches but if you are not progressing you may simply need a different approach (or therapist).

[oldfullprof]

I agree with those who advocate a bit of passive-aggression.  This always works well in academia.  I especially like the "vote with your feet" comment.  Also, get your exercise program on!

[kedves]

You're on medical leave now for anxiety and related issues.  You didn't say when your leave ends; is it soon?  It seems natural both to reflect on your work situation and to be somewhat anxious about it in anticipation.  You can develop strategies for reducing the parts of the job that bother you and try them out, not necessarily all at once (you might not suffer the reduction in being liked that you think you will). 

But is there also a way for you to give yourself some time to notice how you feel when you return to work?  The time at work that is most fresh in your mind is the time just before you took your medical leave, and you might or might not experience the job and coworkers in the same way when you return.  I find that when I reflect on a situation I'm in, I can be distracted by passing issues; but when I reflect on a situation I'm not in, I have to acknowledge that I, my memory, and the situation may have changed since.  It's good to have distance, but distance also changes perception in some ways.  It's very tricky!  Good luck to you.