next »

[bibliologos]

Wise Forumites --

I was tenured three years ago, had a sabbatical last academic year.  Currently I'm on medical leave (since mid-Jan) for stress, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, which started prior to my sabbatical.  I'm under good medical care, have a good therapist, etc., so I'm not asking about that. 

One of the things I've been thinking about is my fit at my place.  Now that I think about it, rather than just reflexively going for the brass ring of tenure, I don't know that I'm actually a good fit.  Lots of things about the culture bother me, from the silly to the serious.  There is a very high service expectation, and I think that's part of it.

But... I'm in the humanities, in a very very tight field.  If I leave this position, the chances are I'll never get another TT or tenured position.  I love teaching, love research, am energized by the "life of the mind".  I'm a good teacher, confirmed by students and colleagues alike.  I'm a good scholar -- published, not profusely, but enough.  I routinely get asked to give papers, be on panels, etc.  So I'm "popular".

Mr Bib, Little Bib and I also really like where we're living.  Mr Bib has a great job (he gave up his job in PhD-ville in order for me to take the TT position here), Little Bib is in fourth grade in a great school.  We like our house, our neighborhood, and the city as a whole.  I guess I don't want to move.

So... as I look ahead to the end of my leave, I don't think I'm going to have all my issues resolved by then.  Any ideas as to dealing with a bad fit?  Coping mechanisms?  Ways to say "I refuse to put up with this idiocy any longer" without quite saying it in those words?  Help?

[msparticularity]

For me, a lot of the solution was in learning to stop engaging with the stuff that drove me crazy. I needed to learn this not just for work, but pretty much to survive life. There was another thread around here not too long ago where we were all quacking as we practiced letting stuff just slide on off of our backs (like ducks)--which, for me, really has been the secret to better mental health. This is not a viable solution in a really toxic environment, of course, but your situation doesn't sound quite that bad--and it has many very good features for you.

Given your good family situation and therapeutic support, is working on not letting stuff get to you so much a possibility? I know it sounds like a Hallmark card or something equally idiotic and obvious, but I offer the thought in case it's worth a try for you.

[larryc]

Wait--what exactly makes your job a bad fit?

[bibliologos]

Thanks to everyone so far.  Yeah, it's not actually a toxic or dysfunctional place.  I like most of my colleagues most of the time.  I like most of my students most of the time.

Well, as to some of the things that are not working for me:

- a culture of meeting.  Now, meetings are fine in and of themselves when they accomplish something.  But most meetings are long, have laundry-list agendas (most of which is information sharing - probably important before the advent of e-mail but could now be replaced), and never seem to get to spend enough time on what I would consider important items for discussion/decision.  They are also extremely frequent.  There are, of course, historical reasons behind this culture, most of which no longer apply.  My suggestions to revamp the meeting process have been dismissed, but I could certainly try again (and will). 

- a culture of accessibility/presence.  Being at every single function organized by every single group is very important.  Students organize a lunch-time speaker?  Faculty must be there.  In your office?  Door must be open.  After my sabbatical I stopped going to a lot of things and started keeping my door closed a lot more (as examples), but I don't know how much more I can do.

- a culture of accommodation.  Students have complicated lives.  Faculty are expected to recognize this and accommodate.  For example:  penalties for late work are completely verboten.  If a student doesn't meet a deadline, they are supposed to meet with the professor and come to agreement on when the paper will be submitted.  Ideally this happens before the deadline, but often it happens afterwards (even at the end of term).  I hate this. 

- a culture of what I call "babysitting".  Probably an extension of accommodation.  Students (ironically, in light of their "complicated lives") are not treated like rational adult beings (though we have many non-traditional-age students) but as children that faculty should "parent".  I have a child - a real one (nine years old).  I don't want more. 

What do I want?  I want to go to work, teach my classes, be that harda$$ prof (but with a soft melty interior carefully guarded by the hard-a$$edness), keep 3-4 office hours a week, go to (and if necessary chair) meetings that are short, efficient, and effective.  That's it.  Is that utopian?  I don't know.  But I think that's why this is more about fit.

[shrek]

re: meetings, set an example. If you hate the long ones you can't do too much about it, but if you are the chair of the committee you can 1. send out e-mails to get everyone up to date, and 2. make the time together really efficient (more like working meetings) with on time finishes and a to-do list by the end.
maybe then others will learn by your example. It may be that others also hate the long meetings but no one knows how to do it any different.
And go ahead, be a harda$$.

[melba_frilkins]

I can sympathize with you, as I have friends who work in a similar institution and although they love it, I know it would not be a good fit for me. It may not be a good fit for you either, but assuming there are a lot of good things about the job (and that those dominate in the big picture), the approach I would take is to not think about it in terms of changing the campus culture, but simply accepting it and going about my business the most peaceful and positive way that I could muster.

As far as the culture of meetings go, I would take a zen approach: they are what they are and you can't change them. When you are at a meeting, take a deep breath, allow yourself to be bored, it is ok if you are bored. Spend the time doing relaxation techniques--I'm guessing you've learned some of those in your treatment for anxiety, if not, it's time to learn. Put the meeting hours in context, just what percent of your workload do they add up to? What would be a tolerable percent for you? Say 10% of your otherwise interesting job is spent in boring meetings, so what, that is life. If it's more than 10%, I would put a cap on it and simply schedule/attend no more than 4 hours of meetings a week.

Some people might tell you to get over the open door and just get used to it. But I know it would drive me bonkers! With my small office when the door is open I feel like I'm hanging out in the open hallway. A compromise, to meet the "open door" culture but keep your sanity, might be to make a friendly looking sign that says "Welcome, I'm in, please knock!", maybe with some corny clip art of an open door,  and hang it on your door when you are in.

The culture of accommodation, suck it up and accept that you're going to have to do this. Then develop and tweak your policies to make it the least hassle for you, and perhaps including some indirect late policies. For example, for late assignments, do not just accept them whenever, but have a scheduled late assignment deadline or two, collect them all in one batch on one day and then the  record keeping and grading is much easier on your end. Similarly, for missed exams, I have a brief period during the end of the semester when any exams can be made-up. There is a hidden penalty in that I usually add some "curve" points when I originally grade a batch of exams, but those extra points do not go onto any late exams. These types of policies allow me to be very firm in enforcing equal treatment for all students and I think that's the most important reason to be strict about deadlines.

As for "presence", you have my sympathies there, also. I used to tear my hair out when I was forced to go to graduation ceremonies every spring at my former job. It just takes the fun out of when it's not voluntary. So if I were in your situation, I would stop going to all events for about a year, and then start going to the ones that appeal to you most in terms of interest or desire to support your students.

[msparticularity]

Drawing upon Melba's suggestions, and on the topic of presence at events--when I was a HS teacher we maintained a list and people signed up to be present at certain functions. This was to ensure that there actually was good faculty representation all of the time, but that we weren't all trying to attend everything. We did also discuss and set a minimum expectation, and our principal had the power to begin compelling attendance by certain people if they started to slack off.

Is there any chance that something similar might work at your place? You might begin by affirming the importance of faculty presence and involvement, and emphasize that your concern is to ensure that this happens while not wearing out the faculty so much that by the end of the semester people begin dropping like flies from exhaustion and illness.

[charlesr]

Yous say that you have stopped attending every event and don't keep your door open all of the time.  Have there been any repercussions?

[alleyoxenfree]

Thanks to everyone so far.  Yeah, it's not actually a toxic or dysfunctional place.  I like most of my colleagues most of the time.  I like most of my students most of the time.

Well, as to some of the things that are not working for me:

- a culture of meeting.  Now, meetings are fine in and of themselves when they accomplish something.  But most meetings are long, have laundry-list agendas (most of which is information sharing - probably important before the advent of e-mail but could now be replaced), and never seem to get to spend enough time on what I would consider important items for discussion/decision.  They are also extremely frequent.  There are, of course, historical reasons behind this culture, most of which no longer apply.  My suggestions to revamp the meeting process have been dismissed, but I could certainly try again (and will). 

- a culture of accessibility/presence.  Being at every single function organized by every single group is very important.  Students organize a lunch-time speaker?  Faculty must be there.  In your office?  Door must be open.  After my sabbatical I stopped going to a lot of things and started keeping my door closed a lot more (as examples), but I don't know how much more I can do.

- a culture of accommodation.  Students have complicated lives.  Faculty are expected to recognize this and accommodate.  For example:  penalties for late work are completely verboten.  If a student doesn't meet a deadline, they are supposed to meet with the professor and come to agreement on when the paper will be submitted.  Ideally this happens before the deadline, but often it happens afterwards (even at the end of term).  I hate this. 

- a culture of what I call "babysitting".  Probably an extension of accommodation.  Students (ironically, in light of their "complicated lives") are not treated like rational adult beings (though we have many non-traditional-age students) but as children that faculty should "parent".  I have a child - a real one (nine years old).  I don't want more. 

What do I want?  I want to go to work, teach my classes, be that harda$$ prof (but with a soft melty interior carefully guarded by the hard-a$$edness), keep 3-4 office hours a week, go to (and if necessary chair) meetings that are short, efficient, and effective.  That's it.  Is that utopian?  I don't know.  But I think that's why this is more about fit.

You're tenured.  It's not clear to me why you can't just to hell, no, to a lot of this, if in a nice way.   Smile, nod, do what you want.  One of the most effective people I know leaves meetings after 50 minutes, decisions made or no.   Make your classroom policies and cite academic freedom.  "With all due respect, Barry, I think....."  And use the word "accommodate" a lot as in, "The way I accommodate that is....."

[melba_frilkins]

You're tenured.  It's not clear to me why you can't just to hell, no, to a lot of this, if in a nice way.

Yes, to that. You may be more of a free agent than you think. What actual external consequences would there be if you break the "rules"? Stop pressuring yourself to toe the line unnecessarily. Don't be afraid to break the "rules". Either you'll find out that the real boundaries are much wider than you suspected, or you'll find out that failing to certain expections can lead to consequences that are mildly unpleasant but certainly not the end of the world. Aren't there some slackers on your campus who are getting away with murder? You don't want to become one of them, but they are an indicator of just how much one can push the boundaries and still stay happily employed.


Don't even think about trying to change the college culture. That is way too monumentous for one person to take on. You will only be bashing your head against a brick wall. Stop it.

Are you happier chairing a meeting than sitting in a meeting led by someone else? If so, work on getting off of all committees except one or two that you chair. You're probably stuck with department meetings, but just write those off as a few boring hours per month in an otherwise interesting job. There's a thread floating around somewhre about coping with boring meetings. I'll see if I can dredge that up.

[melba_frilkins]

Sorry for the double post.

Here's the  Surviving Meetings thread I was thinking about.
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,55783.90.html

[alleyoxenfree]

Also, immediately get more of a professional life going outside the department, so if your dysfunctional colleagues give you the cold shoulder, you'll have a few friendly faces on campus.

Then get some kind of social life going outside the college entirely, so you can show up, do the job the way you want, and get out of there and off to your yoga class, choir, hiking club, parent's group.   

[bibliologos]

Thanks, all.  You're right, I do have tenure and perhaps the consequences aren't what I fear they would be (the anxiety etc. talking).  I suppose part of me says "I want them to like me", and behaving how I want to behave is unlikely to make/keep friends in this culture.  I suppose I'm also afraid of the kind of passive-aggressive backbiting I've seen in the past, but maybe that wouldn't be the end of the world either.  All of this is something to work on with my therapist.

Reading the responses makes me realize that I've already been doing a number of things (making more contacts in other parts of campus, for example) that could be helpful in the long run.  I've also started an exercise program, and have connected with the few off-campus friends I have.  I have for years been active in various professional societies.

My chair's been supportive (he's new - external hire).  At some point prior to the end of my leave I'll need to talk to him about how I intend to comport myself (once I have that figured out!).  Again, thanks all!

[amlithist]

Bibliologos, one thing you said jumped out at me--you said "part of me says 'I want them to like me.'"  Of course, that's a very human desire:  most of us want to be liked, to some degree or another. 

One of the biggest and hardest lessons I've had to learn in my first year as chair in a contentious dept. ("behind-the-scenes, gossippy, group-think" contentious, rather than "in-your-face" contentious, which I can deal with) has been something a fellow chair has repeatedly told me:  "These people are NOT your friends.  If you're lucky, their your colleagues, in the best sense of that word; at base, they're people you work with."  It's been hard, but she's right. 

I was always the nerdy, teacher's pet, fat girl with glasses who never had friends in school.  While you'd think that would have toughened me up over the years and made me much more the "screw 'em if they don't like me" type (which my oldest daughter does SO well, and which I admire)....it hasn't.  I want them to like me, too.

Then again, at the end of the day, my chair friend is right:  we weren't hired to be Miss Popularity.  We were hired to do a job (whether that's teaching and researching and/or administrating or whatever), and we should try to be collegial and likeable and fair; but at the end of the day, we can't control how others react to us. 

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but it has taken some of the sting out of the situation for me these past months.

[offthemarket]

What you want is a job in which you: do your classes the way you want to do them, hold your required office hours, have a regular amount of service, and not have to mollycoddle.  What you didn't specify is whether you wanted a work environment in which you were chummy with everybody and you wanted to be friends with everyone on campus.

You can have what you want, you just won't be the happy friendly buddy on campus.  You have control over your assignments and deadlines and policies.  After one semester, if you enforce your rules, students will know.  (It is really a rule that you have to accept late stuff, or is it just so widespread that it is expected?)  You only need to have your office door open during office hours.  You should be going to the meetings for the committees and departments and such, but when being scheduled you should announce that you have other business and only are available for one hour.  And then you leave after one hour.

You won't win awards for service or teaching, but if you see the career you want, you can make it yours.  Make a life off campus with family and non-university friends, and make your job your job and your professional standing off campus the arbiter of your success.  Heck, you might even inspire other faculty to be more like you.