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[wharf_rat]

I am a junior faculty on the tt.  Workwise I have been doing well; teach several classes, have a couple medium sized grants, and publish.

However, I am bipolar 1 and lately have been battling a depressive episode.  I have never told anyone I work with about my "condition" and have at times even overcompensated workwise.  I work too much, have no friends in my new city, and only have a few colleagues my age that I have coffee with occasionally.  In other words, nothing but work.

Last week, I had an emotional breakdown, precipitated by insults from other older faculty members (20+ years my age). If I was not in a depressive episode, I probably would have ignored them and rolled my eyes, but instead I cried.... and cried....and cried.

Later, I went to my department chair and explained my reaction.  And explained that I was severely clinically depressed. I outed part of my mental illness.  His response was concerned and appropriate and he seemed sincere in his respect for my work.

Has anyone ever had anything like this happen? 
What should I do?  Let it go and continue working and getting help?
And what about tenure?

I feel like an outed leper in a profession that believes they are perfection..

[t_r_b]

It sounds like you, and your chair, handled the situation well. If you keep doing your job well, this probably won't count against you in the long run.

Your first priority should be getting help - both professional and personal. You need more of a local support network, preferably removed from work. It will take a while to build, but the sooner you start the better. Block off some time each week for non-work stuff, and make it stuff that gets you out of the house and interacting with other people. That's very difficult to do when you're depressed, but it turns out to be one of the best things you can do to alleviate depression. And mix in the usual self-care stuff: nutrition, sleep, exercise. It sounds like you may have let some of that stuff slip under the stress of the new job. I did exactly the same thing - and I'm sure many others have too - but it's not a sustainable trend, and in the long run taking time to take care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your career.

Also watch out for the tendency to catastrophize. You had a really really bad week. It happens. It's not the end of the world. You'll be okay - and if you get help and take better care of yourself, you'll be a lot better than that.

[hegemony]

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this.

When you say, "What should you do?", what do you mean?  About the syndrome?  About the episode?  About having told your chair?  About the older faculty members?

I'm assuming -- or at least hoping -- that you have a good therapist and/or a professional support system: more than just a doctor who prescribes meds.  If not, that would be the first thing to get, and on the double.  I would think that the problem is more the work/life balance (or work/work state of life) rather than the criticisms of the older faculty members.  All of us are on the receiving end of disagreeable behavior from time to time, and all of us can weather it a lot better when we're not overworked and overtired, and have a balance of leisure and rewarding things in our lives.  All the more so if you're prone to depression, but true whether or no.  So you need someone to give support when things are tough, and also to help you figure out how to get life back on track and not run your system into the ground with endless work.  This is especially important for academics, because universities don't set boundaries for us; they'll pile on the work ad infinitum until we learn to set boundaries and manage things by ourselves.

Once you've talked things over with your therapist and made a plan for heading off future stress, I'd have a brief word with your department head, something like, "Thanks for the support -- that was a hard day that day -- things are back in hand now.  Just thought I'd let you know -- thanks again!"  His job, after all, is not to handle emotional issues (he's no more a professional in that realm than anyone else), nor to mediate in private disputes between  department members, though sometimes he'll no doubt get stuck in that position.  His job is to keep the place running.  So you'll want to go to him when you want something specific.  In an emergency, of course do ask him for appropriate help; but in the longer term, you're probably better off not seeming high-maintenance.  

About the older faculty members -- forget 'em.  As you say, on some days, with lower stress, it would roll off your back.  Life is too short to pay attention to persnickety people.  Your job is to take care of yourself.  I hope you can marshal the right support and move forward.

[wiley]

Wharf_rat,

What hegemony said. Good luck to you.

Also, check for an EAP at your college/university. Also, double check that Bipolar disorder is a protected disability. You know, just in case.

[sikora]

Wharf Rat: I've been there.  I can't add anything to the good advice already given.  It sounds like your chair is on your side.  Best to you. 

[msparticularity]

Wharf_rat,

What hegemony said. Good luck to you.

Also, check for an EAP at your college/university. Also, double check that Bipolar disorder is a protected disability. You know, just in case.

Yes--in fact, if you're at a public institution you should go ahead and get a file set up with the appropriate people in HR. This is for the future, so that if you ever did have a very severe episode that kept you from working you would be protected immediately, and it would be clear that you were protected under ADA, so you would not have to find your way through the systems while mid-crisis.

[tolerantly]

Understand that about 150% of faculty deal with depression and understand it well. Don't feel like a leper. That said, I agree with filing the appropriate papers. They do protect.

[msparticularity]

Understand that about 150% of faculty deal with depression and understand it well. Don't feel like a leper. That said, I agree with filing the appropriate papers. They do protect.

Many years ago I was on a retreat weekend that included women from a vast array of professions. As we were in our dorm rooms unpacking, I heard someone say, "Oh, my God, I forgot to pack my Prozac!!!" She got immediate offers from about 10 of us who offered to share ours.

I am moderately certain that if I tried a similar experiment in most campus office suites--substituting a more up-to-date depression med--I would get the same results.

[tee_bee]

Understand that about 150% of faculty deal with depression and understand it well. Don't feel like a leper. That said, I agree with filing the appropriate papers. They do protect.

Many years ago I was on a retreat weekend that included women from a vast array of professions. As we were in our dorm rooms unpacking, I heard someone say, "Oh, my God, I forgot to pack my Prozac!!!" She got immediate offers from about 10 of us who offered to share ours.

I am moderately certain that if I tried a similar experiment in most campus office suites--substituting a more up-to-date depression med--I would get the same results.

Chime. Between my wife, colleagues, and friends, we could open one hell of a pharmacy. People in my world talk about their brain pills the way people compare food or cars or whatever. Odd, but true.

[hmprescott63]

Yes, setting up a file with HR is a good idea, not just for your condition, but for the insults from senior faculty (which sound like bullying to me).

In addition, you should try not to "overcompensate" for your condition.  It sounds to me like this is exacerbating the situation.  Cultivating interests outside of work and finding some friends in your new location would also help elevate your mood.

Above all, I encourage you to not "self-stigmatize" -- i.e. feel like a leper or a failure because you have bipolar disorder (this is coming from a fellow BP).  This is a disease like any other.  You should not feel ashamed.