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[caprica]

For obvious reasons, I'm not using my regular username for this post.

Spouse and I are both tenure-track professors in the same department.  Chair, who is single, overly relies on Spouse for both professional and personal advice, with near-daily emails, phone calls, and office chats.  Also, Chair is noticeably flirtatious with Spouse, even in front of me.  Spouse feels powerless due to being TT and probably feels flattered by the attention, too, though won't admit it.  We socialize with Chair and other colleagues regularly, which doesn't help.  To complicate matters, Chair is extremely kind to our small children, which I genuinely appreciate.

This situation is driving me batty.  I'm not sure if I need advice or just to get this off my chest. 

[t_r_b]

For obvious reasons, I'm not using my regular username for this post.

Spouse and I are both tenure-track professors in the same department.  Chair, who is single, overly relies on Spouse for both professional and personal advice, with near-daily emails, phone calls, and office chats.  Also, Chair is noticeably flirtatious with Spouse, even in front of me.  Spouse feels powerless due to being TT and probably feels flattered by the attention, too, though won't admit it.  We socialize with Chair and other colleagues regularly, which doesn't help.  To complicate matters, Chair is extremely kind to our small children, which I genuinely appreciate.

This situation is driving me batty.  I'm not sure if I need advice or just to get this off my chest. 

Maybe you'd feel better if Spouse used Chair's crush as leverage to get you a really cushy teaching schedule for next year. Better yet: a course release.

[mystictechgal]

Go ahead and get it off of your chest.  Leave your spouse out of it.  What you see as "overly reliant" may, or may not be "overly", you're just not part of it which may make it seem so.  You are comparing the interaction of Chair with spouse through a filter.  It may, or may not be, a reliable view of things.  At any rate, spouse can't do anything about it, and, filter-reliable, or not.

If Chair is asking him/her about substantive issues spouse has reason to feel flattered--they don't need to simultaneously need to be made to feel guilty about it, particularly if it does happen to be "overly".  Your spouse knows the difference.  Whatever the Chair might be "up to" (which is the subtext of your post), it does not make your spouse culpable in it.  As long as your spouse still feels good about the two of you, leave it alone and let it go.  Be on your spouse's side of things (including cheering when something happens that makes them feel good--including the Chair asking his/her opinion or including them in something) instead of looking to find a reason to put yourself on the opposite side based on what someone else (the Chair) is doing.
 
I happily worked with, and, on occasion for, my husband for many years. In turn, he also worked for me.  He wasn't the top dog, either, and, when positions were reversed, neither was I.  This is something that can easily be handled without damage to your relationship.  But, it can only be negotiated successfully if you ultimately trust each other and are, yourselves, trustworthy.  But, then again, if you don't trust each other why bother trying to handle it?  You'd each be better off on your own, in that case.   

[oldadjunct]

Chair and spouse are doinking.   M/F. F/M. M/M. F/F.

Deal with it. 

Now, go away.

[bread_pirate_naan]

Chair and Spouse: Too close for comfort?

Yes.

[spork]

To use a Supreme Court metaphor: you know it when you see it.

Your wife needs to shut this down by standing up for herself.

[the_honey_badger]

Go ahead and get it off of your chest.  Leave your spouse out of it.  What you see as "overly reliant" may, or may not be "overly", you're just not part of it which may make it seem so.  You are comparing the interaction of Chair with spouse through a filter.  It may, or may not be, a reliable view of things.  At any rate, spouse can't do anything about it, and, filter-reliable, or not.

If Chair is asking him/her about substantive issues spouse has reason to feel flattered--they don't need to simultaneously need to be made to feel guilty about it, particularly if it does happen to be "overly".  Your spouse knows the difference.  Whatever the Chair might be "up to" (which is the subtext of your post), it does not make your spouse culpable in it.  As long as your spouse still feels good about the two of you, leave it alone and let it go.  Be on your spouse's side of things (including cheering when something happens that makes them feel good--including the Chair asking his/her opinion or including them in something) instead of looking to find a reason to put yourself on the opposite side based on what someone else (the Chair) is doing.
 
I happily worked with, and, on occasion for, my husband for many years. In turn, he also worked for me.  He wasn't the top dog, either, and, when positions were reversed, neither was I.  This is something that can easily be handled without damage to your relationship.  But, it can only be negotiated successfully if you ultimately trust each other and are, yourselves, trustworthy.  But, then again, if you don't trust each other why bother trying to handle it?  You'd each be better off on your own, in that case.   

I'm with you on this one. 

[larryc]

If both of you feel like it has gone too far, she needs to put an end to it. There isn't much you can do, it has to be her.

[picasso1971]

Tell Spouse to get some compromising information on the Chair with which BOTH of you can accuse him/her of harrassment. In fact, let Spouse seduce the Chair and secretly get it in picture. That guarantees BOTH of you tenure. If the Chair, Department, or University proves stubborn, hire a lawyer. They'll have only TWO options: (a) give BOTH of you tenure, or (b) pay you enough money to retire on. That's called Capitalism. You don't need a lecture from Michael Moore to understand this.

[helpful]

To use a Supreme Court metaphor: you know it when you see it.

Your wife needs to shut this down by standing up for herself.

Gender was never identified by the OP. Why do you assume the spouse is a woman?

[spork]

To use a Supreme Court metaphor: you know it when you see it.

Your wife needs to shut this down by standing up for herself.

Gender was never identified by the OP. Why do you assume the spouse is a woman?

I analyze text for a living.  The chair's behavior as described by the OP is typically male.  Spouse is female.

[helpful]

To use a Supreme Court metaphor: you know it when you see it.

Your wife needs to shut this down by standing up for herself.

Gender was never identified by the OP. Why do you assume the spouse is a woman?

I analyze text for a living.  The chair's behavior as described by the OP is typically male.  Spouse is female.

Thanks for the explanation. However, male to male behavior is also possible in these modern times.(and yes, in some states, that also means using the term 'spouse').

PS. What gender do you think I am, given your analytical abilities?

[mdwlark]

To use a Supreme Court metaphor: you know it when you see it.

Your wife needs to shut this down by standing up for herself.

Gender was never identified by the OP. Why do you assume the spouse is a woman?

I analyze text for a living.  The chair's behavior as described by the OP is typically male.  Spouse is female.

Thanks for the explanation. However, male to male behavior is also possible in these modern times.(and yes, in some states, that also means using the term 'spouse').

PS. What gender do you think I am, given your analytical abilities?

The OP's problem is pretty much the same with any gender combination.  Only the "he's" and "she's" change places.  Jealousy, helplessness, crushes, flirtations, late night conversations, seduction:  It's a universal hu problem. 

[fiona]

I really, really want to see the videos.

I am striving to become a visual learner.

The Fiona

[promovenda]

On first reading, I thought that Spouse was male and chair was female. OP has a moniker ending in -a. Female chairs can be predatory; male spouses can feel powerless.