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[squirrelmeetsnut]

Hello All,

First, I will apologize if this posting is rather vague. I am insuring that I keep my anonymity. However, I am going to be brutally honest about some of intentions and I hope that I do not offend some of you. I bruise easily, so be nice :)

I got a Bachelors degree in a low-profit, almost distinct field. At the time, I was focused on "passion" and did not think my undergraduate degree through thoroughly. I ended up taking out 50K+ in student loans to achieve this Bachelors degree in order to make everyone in my family proud and to live out this "passion" of mine. Not once did I make the connection that I could NEVER live comfortably on my degree's salary while paying off the student loans. Once I received my first job that paid a whopping $13 an hour, I soon discovered for a lot of people, specifically myself, passion was not going to pay the bills...or these student loans.

So I started researching government programs to get the student loans forgiven. I found a few, all of which required an advanced degree in order to work in the given fields. So, I applied to one of the fields that was most tolerable to me. Got in. Got granted a GA that correlates perfectly with the field. Got a pt teaching gig at a local Junco to supplement the rest of the income. Perfect. Everything was aligned in perfect order.

So, I'm doing this school thing and it's a little challenging, however I am very organized and I'm handling it well. Keeping my eye on the prize (paying off the student loans), I can fully admit that I am not "passionate" for the field or my GA but I'm working through it. I like it. Just do not love it. I've mastered the skill of "fakin' it 'till you make it," so this is a piece of cake to me, right? Ha. Read on.

My evaluation with my GA rolls around and surprise, surprise the words, "You don't seem to be passionate about this" slips out of my boss' mouth. The other even spoke about how she hasn't "bonded" with me and that I don't seem to be sure that this is what I want. My inability to fake "passion" and my extreme introvert nature totally worked against me (not to mention, I'm also dealing with extreme family issues).

What made me so upset about this is that my work ethic is superb. I do everything as asked, earlier than asked, and as perfect as I can. However, in this office, personality and enthusiasm is on the same level as work ethic, and working extremely diligently and hard alone is not going to cut it. They like to talk, go out to lunch, check in with each other, while I am the type that enjoys working alone. I'm even questioning my reappointment next year.

What's the point of this post? I know that quitting and following what I love isn't an option for me. I'd never get these loans paid off being an adjunct (which, in my little contrived fantasy land, I plan to do after they're forgiven). Part of this post is for myself: I need to see this in writing to sort things through. However, I still would like to know what you all think? Should I ride this out? Transfer to a different GA where my introversion would be welcomed? Try my hardest to accustom to their office culture? All thoughts are welcomed pertaining to navigating this GA thing.

SMN

[midwestgrad]

If the opportunity to pay off loans was your only reason for going to grad school, you made a bad choice.  In most parts of the country, you can afford to live and pay off loans for $13/hour.  I'm not really sure what drove you into grad school.

I mean, even if you're living in San Francisco, you can find roommates and make 13/hour work just fine.

[squirrelmeetsnut]

Hi There,

Thank you for replying! I don't think a (free) opportunity to gain more knowledge and an advanced degree is ever a mistake. The intention? Yes, however the opportunity has presented itself and I answered the door. I'm not going to quit my pursuit of higher education, I just want some direction as to which way I should go with the GA.

And trust me. I said 50K PLUS. $13 an hour would not be enough live comfortably (by my definition).

SMN

[kedves]

I don't understand some of the terms you are using.  Are you in a Ph.D. program?  Are you in the program only to earn a degree that will enable you to pay off your undergraduate student loans?  That seem like a long, expensive, hard way to accomplish that goal.  Why not be a teacher?  They are eligible for loan forgiveness as well.  In fact, doesn't any 501(c)(3) entity qualify as a public service organization? 

Is GA a graduate assistantship or a graduate advisor?  If so, how would you be able to change to a different one?  Do you mean change programs, or change departments, or simply work for a different professor?  "You don't seem to be passionate about this" likely refers to your discipline, the real work, not your assistantship duties.

What do you mean, your field is "almost distinct."  Do you mean almost extinct?  The field of many BA degrees isn't very relevant to what follows graduation, so I'm not sure what you mean by "low-profit."

Is being an adjunct really what you would do if you could have any job?

[madhatter]

Do you have to get a good rating on "passion" from your boss in order to get your student loans waived? Why on Earth would you quit? You've got a 50K millstone hanging around your neck, and you know what you need to do to get rid of it. So do that!

[systeme_d_]

I too am confused by the terms the OP is employing.  I am not clear on the (two?) ways in which s/he is using the initials "GA."

[squirrelmeetsnut]

Wow! Thank you so much for the replies. I haven't mastered multi-quoting here yet, so bare with me as I respond to some of the thoughts and inquiries.

kdves, honestly? Yes, I sought out this program solely to gain a position that will enable most, if not all of my student loans to be forgiven, private loans included. The Public Service program offers forgiveness after 10 years worth of service in certain fields. The (state) program I am interested in, will have my loans paid off within 4 years. And, my schooling is paid 100% with my GA (=graduate assistantship). So yes, the road will be long, but I will not be paying for it. Plus, I figure what else do I have to do? I'm single, childless and an advanced degree wouldn't hurt. I'd rather be making $13 an hour as a GA, BUT there's light at the end of the tunnel (better paying job), than at a low-profit (=low paying) job where there is little room for financial growth. Hope this clarifies some. Plus, the field that I'm studying isn't too shabby either.

madhatter, I'm certainly not going to quit school. I was just wondering if I should suck it up here, or move to another GA where my introversion will be an asset, not a liability. If that makes sense? You're right. I have a plan and I plan to execute it!

lizzy, honestly? I love teaching part-time at my Jun-Co. I wouldn't mind doing it full-time either. As a matter of fact, this is the field that I plan to retire from. I like the option to work at home in the peace and quiet of my office. I also like my autonomy, plus I get interaction with my students.

I hope this helps clear some of the air :)

[hegemony]

It's hard to tell how much "passion" is needed without knowing your field, but if you're doing well in the program -- getting good grades or whatever the equivalent is -- what more is needed?  Are you actually deficient in some way?  Who the heck cares whether some supervisor feels bonded with you?  I'm trying to imagine a field where you need to bond with your supervisor.  So all this is a little confusing.  If more extroversion is needed -- say in working out group problems in law school -- you may have to apply your determination to doing what is required.  If it's a field that requires extroversion, I wouldn't imagine switching to another program would help.  But your description of exactly what the problem is is a little unclear.

[promovenda]

Yes, and I wonder what is making the supervisor think OP is not "passionate." I think maybe it was a little bit of an unfortunate word choice, "passionate," as it has so much history for the OP. Speaking as an extreme introvert in a field of extroverts, I can say it's possible to learn to appear more extroverted. My advice is to choose certain times or occasions to "make an appearance." When you are with people, practice smiling and looking them in the eye. And don't forget to mention how much you are - not passionate, but committed to this field and subject.

[alto_stratus]

I'm with promovenda.  Fake it better.  Smile more, talk more, mingle more.  Consider it part of the job.  These simple things really do go a long way.

[henry_adams]

OP, I think you may be operating under the same misconception that plagues my advisees--almost all introverts--when they hit the world of work.  They believe that just working really hard will be enough, but almost all places also expect you to follow their social customs, no matter how little they have to do with actually getting the job done.

As others have said, you could get better advice if you gave some details about your field, etc.

[kedves]

My evaluation with my GA rolls around and surprise, surprise the words, "You don't seem to be passionate about this" slips out of my boss' mouth. The other even spoke about how she hasn't "bonded" with me and that I don't seem to be sure that this is what I want.

What did you say in response to these comments?

[commcycle]

My evaluation with my GA rolls around and surprise, surprise the words, "You don't seem to be passionate about this" slips out of my boss' mouth. The other even spoke about how she hasn't "bonded" with me and that I don't seem to be sure that this is what I want.

What did you say in response to these comments?

It sounds like OP needs to do some interpersonal damage control. OP, you might want to make an effort to be generally upbeat and enthusiastic. Take a serious assessment of how you're presenting yourself. It shouldn't be too difficult to appear at least interested in your work.

[goingcrazy]

Suck it up, finish the free degree, and try to figure out what it is that you really want in the meantime. Love the fact that you are in college FOR FREE and you have the opportunity to enjoy an education. Once you are out of college, chances are that you will wish that you could be a graduate student forever. I am not trying to downplay your problems, but don't be a quitter. Things will work out.

Good luck!

[oseph]

Did we ever figure out "almost distinct"?