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[msparticularity]

Believe me--I understand. And good luck with getting this sorted into something more manageable for you!

[merce]

Depression sucks!

That is all...I´m trying to convince myself to get out of bed, to then shower, and then to go pick up the person I´ve agreed to accompany to the movies.

Sí se puede!
Yes we can!

(maybe)

[msparticularity]

Merce, how are you doing? Did you make it to the movies with your friend? This time of year really is particularly difficult for many of us with depression; as my doctor explained it to me once, the whole SAD thing actually has a bit of a delayed onset, and also we tend to be able to mobilize our coping strategies fairly well during the actual winter months. By March, though, we're worn down, and the weather/sunlight conditions haven't improved enough--or for long enough--for us to have actually recovered.

I am definitely feeling for (and with) you. I've been struggling with my chronic physical condition more than usual over the past months, and I'm feeling drained beyond belief these days. I was beginning to feel a bit better a month or so ago, but the demands of my working life at this time of year are pretty insane, so at the moment I'm spending a lot of time feeling like I just want to lie on the floor and whimper.

[merce]

If I have an actual appointment I do manage to get to it. So I did go last night. It was rather "painful" somehow. For ex., I had to clench my fists and say, "I can do this, only a couple hours to go til I go back to bed. Be strong."

A minute ago I just had a horrible thought. Stupid and unlikely I'm sure. I was thinking about the fact that I haven't been working lately...and by lately I mean YEARS.  I used to be able to do stuff but in the last 3 years I just don't anymore. By work I mean write. I manage to whip up something for conference presentations once or twice a year (again, that strict appointment I can do, it's the "should do" things I absolutely cannot do). However, I haven't written anything for publication in few years and I finished my diss 3 years ago (the last year or so was extremely difficult and these last couple of years were difficult due in large part to residual difficulties with it and my adviser).  Anyway, my thought was: What if I'm not writing because I started taking anti-depressants?
That's silly though. I started anti-depressants before I stopped writing.


I have a loose deadline on a publication that absolutely must be done but since the deadline is loose though only about 10 days off more or less I feel like I'm not going to really do it.

I can't believe you manage to meet the demands of your working life msP. I'm impressed. I hope that brings some joy or fulfillment to latch onto.  I'm barely doing the bare minimum and it is pretty obvious I think.

[msparticularity]

Merce, I have to have deadlines, too--but I also was able to get to a more stable place with my depression before I began my doctoral studies, and I know that has helped. I certainly did take the pharmaceutical antidepressants, but they weren't my long-term solution. I also needed complementary therapies and a WHOLE lot of psychotherapy to get to a better place. Very truthfully, too, menopause made a lot of things easier.

That said, this year has been he!! on wheels. I've had physical stuff going on that has really sapped my energy, and I simply don't seem to be able to work at anything resembling a reasonable pace--or at least what I think of as one. I try to create and enforce deadlines for myself in the form of committing to submit to conference (often with collaborators), for example--and still I'm struggling to make it happen. I am living in fear right now that my body is going to dictate a "new normal" that is nothing like what I've been able to do in the past--and I'm not a bit sure I can live with that because it simply doesn't give me the room to accomplish the things that matter to me.

And I don't know whether it helps you to hear this, but I had a year in my late thirties where I was nearly unable to leave the house at all. It seemed to be a mix of the depression and anxiety/agoraphobia. I did get out enough to do some therapy sessions, and to do completely essential work-related tasks, but if I hadn't had a job that involved a lot of telecommuting, I probably would have become unemployed--and far more depressed--very quickly.

[britmom]

Depression sucks!

I'll drink to that (or perhaps not, as that will send me shooting down even more). I haven't felt this sh!t for months and months. Eugh. <<whinge over>>

[wegie]

Depression sucks!

I'll drink to that (or perhaps not, as that will send me shooting down even more). I haven't felt this sh!t for months and months. Eugh. <<whinge over>>

Given that you've got the form of SAD that dislikes too much light, I'm not in the least surprised that you feel awful the week after the clocks change. The sunset must be pushing 8pm up there by now, your poor body clock must be all over the place.