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[bewilderedta]

So : last year I got through MA exams; this year I should (I think) be kicking around diss ideas, applying to conferences and symposia, generally knocking 'em dead, etc. Right? (Wrong?)

I started out the semester with a very positive mindset, feeling very gung-ho. Now I am worn out, disenchanted with two of my seminars, able to articulate only the vaguest paper ideas. I worry that I'm in the wrong field and will forever gaze longingly at this other one that I may love better, but which didn't accept my applications (and has an even more glutted market). I worry that I'm wasting my and my husband's energy, money, and childbearing years in an area where I don't belong and will ultimately be unsuccessful.

I was talking to someone from my cohort who said she is feeling unenthusiastic, uninspired etc. this semester. I wonder if it's a common experience to feel a bit lost and wary at this point, what with the need to really commit to a field, start to define the big project, etc... is it? should I be taking my misgivings more seriously or with more salt?

[hipgeek]

I wonder if it's a common experience to feel a bit lost and wary at this point, what with the need to really commit to a field, start to define the big project, etc... is it? should I be taking my misgivings more seriously or with more salt?

I think it is common.  Have you tried taking any independent studies?  I think that can be a good way to test and really delve into a personal interest.  I took two and found that they helped me far more than my seminars in shaping ideas for the dissertation.

On the other hand, what works for me may not work for you.  I do this because I love it (even when I hate it) and I can't imagine myself doing anything else long term.  I also think academia is something I'm good at.  I'm not at the top of my "cohort," but I frankly hate that term anyway.  And not being at the top and realizing that gives me the humility and drive I need.

The mid-to-end semester lull also seems pretty common.  The only thing that really troubles me here is that you mention that you may not be in the field you want to be in.  But, for now, maybe you should just get through the semester and save these "Did I make the wrong choice?  Should I quit or just buck up?" worries for winter break.

[normative_]

Forget conferences and symposia until the diss is well under way. Focus on a research question you like best, even if it's the least worst. If you accomplished the teaching goals in your MA exams, you should be aware of where gaps in the literature are. If you aren't, go over your notes again. List them and formulate them into questions. Then choose the least worst, work out a research design, potential case studies (if appropriate) on a few pages and speak to potential advisors soon. I advise you to send it in December at the latest and ask for a meeting with a potential advisor in January, about mid-month. You can even send it to two or three if you're unsure who will like it and be able to advise it best. Indeed, that's a good idea because you will require a committee with several members

But do it now. You've completed the exams, so it's not as if you don't know the foundations. You're just not motivated, and were probably hoping you'd come up with a more attractive topic.

Forget that. You can choose a topic now by being practical about the diss topic and getting on with it. Maybe the dream topic will come about after the diss is finished, or during the writing, so that you get to handle it in your second book whilst you're on the TT.

Remember, the Ph.D. is about training yourself and proving yourself to the world that you can do this kind of work independently. It's not about true love to your discipline or your topic. If you're like most grad students, you will only be really formed much later, after the diss is done.

[bread_pirate_naan]

I was talking to someone from my cohort who said she is feeling unenthusiastic, uninspired etc. this semester. I wonder if it's a common experience

Oh, yeah, fully.

[bewilderedta]

Thanks for the replies. I think you all are right - it is probably at base a narcissistic idea that I should try to be a rock star of some sort, when really I should buckle down and learn to play some songs, so to speak. Plus time of year/semester/school trajectory doldrums.

[henry_adams]

You might feel better if you read this recent article about grad school life:

http://chronicle.com/article/Academic-Bait-and-Switch-Part/48936/

Your situation can't be as bad as what the article describes, can it?

[egilson]

That articles comes across as self-serving crap. Neither as an undergraduate students nor as a graduate student have I ever had a professor expect me to regurgitate his or her own opinion. Maybe "Henry's" professors did because what he offered as analysis was so irritatingly smug, thoughtless and shallow that they didn't expect anything better of him. He may be making a good case against grade inflation in graduate school, but not much of one for his claim that graduate school is some sort of intellectual cheat.

[racketsports]

That articles comes across as self-serving crap. Neither as an undergraduate students nor as a graduate student have I ever had a professor expect me to regurgitate his or her own opinion.

Wow, you've never had a prof like that? Ever?

I definitely have. I'm not saying that they're the majority (far from it) but I have had two profs in grad school who were particularly bad for this. It's mostly a sign of insecurity, and by that I mean either a fear that academia is changing too fast and that what you learned has been left behind or devalued (this was the case with a much older prof of mine) or the fear that you have hitched your wagon to the wrong star (one prof of mine whose famous adviser and ideas have recently been eclipsed by newer folks.) It definitely happens, although I would not say it's the norm.

Lesson to take from this if you're faculty: do your own work, and be open to new ideas. For students, if faced with such a prof, analyze his/her methodology the way you would a text. Ask yourself what is going on, what ideas the person is informed by, and then do an appropriate paper. Trust me, had I done this I would have saved myself a world of trouble.

Sorry for the thread derail, bewilderedta. If it helps, I feel the same way right now. I have been working out twice a week, which seems to have helped. Also, even if you're really busy, try to spend a few minutes every day working on something that isn't the big project with the closest due date. You will feel way better about your productivity.

[smallways]

That articles comes across as self-serving crap. Neither as an undergraduate students nor as a graduate student have I ever had a professor expect me to regurgitate his or her own opinion. Maybe "Henry's" professors did because what he offered as analysis was so irritatingly smug, thoughtless and shallow that they didn't expect anything better of him. He may be making a good case against grade inflation in graduate school, but not much of one for his claim that graduate school is some sort of intellectual cheat.

THANK YOU. And here I thought I was the only one...

[bread_pirate_naan]

Lesson to take from this if you're faculty: do your own work, and be open to new ideas. For students, if faced with such a prof, analyze his/her methodology the way you would a text. Ask yourself what is going on, what ideas the person is informed by, and then do an appropriate paper. Trust me, had I done this I would have saved myself a world of trouble.

Hey faculty. I have been taking meetings with you for weeks.  I was really slow on the uptake with the clue-thingy.  Fortunately, I do super research and read that key article by an awesome senior scholar that leans so hard on that clue you were giving me that their argument wouldn't exist without it.  I now know you wanted me to run that abstract by you before I sent it out to see if I would get a clue.  Thanks, faculty.  I did.  That essay you wrote was much more relevant to my puny ideas than I understood.  What an exciting clue!  I knew I wanted to study with you.  Thanks for your patience with me. 

[racketsports]

Lesson to take from this if you're faculty: do your own work, and be open to new ideas. For students, if faced with such a prof, analyze his/her methodology the way you would a text. Ask yourself what is going on, what ideas the person is informed by, and then do an appropriate paper. Trust me, had I done this I would have saved myself a world of trouble.

Hey faculty. I have been taking meetings with you for weeks.  I was really slow on the uptake with the clue-thingy.  Fortunately, I do super research and read that key article by an awesome senior scholar that leans so hard on that clue you were giving me that their argument wouldn't exist without it.  I now know you wanted me to run that abstract by you before I sent it out to see if I would get a clue.  Thanks, faculty.  I did.  That essay you wrote was much more relevant to my puny ideas than I understood.  What an exciting clue!  I knew I wanted to study with you.  Thanks for your patience with me. 

Yes, this is the other side of my statement. Learn from everyone who's there to teach you. The lesson you take will depend on the situation.

[hipgeek]

Maybe "Henry's" problem is that he "expected [professors] to be benevolent geniuses eager to reveal to their apprentices the passwords and secret handshakes of literary studies."

I am tired of people not acknowledging that academia is just a job.  And it can be mundane, frustrating, and demeaning like any other job.  The problem is often one of perspective.  Yes, there is an academic culture, just as there is a military culture, a corporate culture, etc. But I think what has kept me sane at the end of the day is my non-academic friends questioning exactly what it is I'm doing in school. 

Anyway, back to the OP. Bewilderedta, I hope you're feeling less bewildered lately.  We're in "countdown phase" now.  The semester is drawing to a close and even if, like many of us, you have an enormous list of things to do over the break, it should still be at least a bit of a breathing space for you. 

[prof_smartypants]

OP, I think that you'll be just fine once you select a diss topic. While I had a diss topic in mind when I entered my PhD program, I definitely had friends who felt the same aimlessness and lack of motivation at this stage in the game. I think it's in part a result of finishing one stage (MA; comps) and moving on to another. Once you're out of coursework, you're kind of on your own, and that can be alienating. Once you focus on a topic, you'll have something to direct all your energy toward again (like you did toward your coursework or your comps), and you'll begin working more closely with your advisors and committee members and get that happy, purposeful drive back.

[prephd]

I was talking to someone from my cohort who said she is feeling unenthusiastic, uninspired etc. this semester. I wonder if it's a common experience

Oh, yeah, fully.

Yes, especially toward the end of coursework / beginning the diss. Keep talking to your cohort-mate. I have one who literally helped keep me afloat my last semester in coursework (and vice-versa).

Is there any way to marry your work in field A to what you think you might like to do in field B? Is there a topic that spans the two fields? In my case there was, and it was how I was able to keep going through a s***-ton of courses that bored me: I just framed everything in terms of my small subtopic in field B. That kept me inspired, or at least alert enough to see through the BS that is field A (which, of course, I didn't know going into it).

[prof_smartypants]

Oh yeah, I was convinced about 2 years in that I had made a mistake getting a PhD in field A. I thought field B fit me much better, and did a lot of coursework over there. My diss committee was made up with people in three different departments with five different PhDs (Geography, Economics, Urban Planning, Sociology, Political Science). I was able to bridge these quite nicely, although I was still kicking myself for entering field A, as I really hated the direction it's gone in the last 25 years.

However, once on the job market I realized that I was much better off in the field I had chosen.