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[new_bus_prof]

Honey, I'm sorry, but I'm sure you understand. This is my life and career we are talking about. We agreed I would look for work around these locations. Now, I've been offered a job at location XYZ.

Think of it like your wife needs to be TDY for a year.
Remember when we were apart for X months during your deployment/TDY/training rotation.

As to the military relocation assignment, depends on whether your husband is enlisted or commissioned and whether he is in a critical need/stressed field (just like your subfield).

[snowbound]

I actually think that most people will understand, given that your husband can't be stationed there and is in the military, and would therefore not talk smack about you if you turned it down.

I agree--to a point.  I don't think people will condemn you for the decision.  I think most people (except maybe those that you have to leave in the lurch) will be sympathetic to your predicament.  You have to make hard choices and the two of you have decided that, for the sake of your marriage, your career has to take back seat.  However . . . it also means that they will be most unlikely that anyone aware of the situation will want to risk offering you a job in the future.  "Dr. rwm?  Oh, that's the one who has to follow her husband around to military bases." 

They'll give you sympathy and understanding.  They won't give you a job.

[missemily]

You and your husband need to understand that you have gotten orders. You are going TDY to this school that has hired you for your dream job. You have spent some time understanding the demands of his career. Now he AND you need to understand the demands of yours. Unless you don't really want the career you have worked for, and if that's the case, OK. But don't forget -- his military career will end in a few years. What will he do then? What will you do? Go back to his hometown and see what's available? And throw away your career? How about you get established in your career, and then you two can settle down where YOUR job is.

Another thing -- what rank is your husband? How long has he been in? Nobody who has been in the military for any appreciable length of time sits back and waits for orders. The thing for him to do is LOOK for an opening in or near the place where you have this job. Then get the people in his field there to request him. If he doesn't know how to do this, he needs to find somebody with more time in who can coach him on it.

[larryc]

The OP has not logged on since this was posted.

[msparticularity]

Not here, but she's started another thread to ask about living apart over in the Balancing forum.