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[mystictechgal]

This is sad.  Thanks for the report.  I am sorry things are not better in your department.

I understand that funerals and memorial services are important for other people.  I've never been to a public version of one, even for family members, that meant something to me.  I have been to private memorial ceremonies and honoring ceremonies to celebrate a living person that were meaningful.  (The term "honoring ceremony" reminds me of Deconstructing Harry, but the correct term escapes me.)

I think the word you want is "tribute".

Thanks for the update neutralname.  It sounds like a sad situation.  I'm glad you and the others who attended were willing to look beyond that in an effort to support his family.  It was the right thing to do and I'm sure it did mean something to them.  If they hadn't needed or wanted the show of sympathy and support they would have declined holding the memorial to begin with.

[juvenal]

A prickly, chilly woman; a drunk; in my general area, but not my discipline; at my school almost as long as I had been; depressed following suicide of her husband; in failing health for several years post-retirement.

Sure, I went to the scattering of her ashes.

I'd hope my colleagues would do the same for me.

[fishbrains]

A prickly, chilly woman; a drunk; in my general area, but not my discipline; at my school almost as long as I had been; depressed following suicide of her husband; in failing health for several years post-retirement.

Sure, I went to the scattering of her ashes.

I'd hope my colleagues would do the same for me.

Yes. And sometimes you go just to make sure they are dead. :)

Anyway, OP: You did the right thing here.