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tt33_hist
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« on: November 02, 2009, 04:59:51 PM » |
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I will be giving a public lecture at a nearby college soon. The college is putting me up for the night though the drive is just a couple hours. I have never done this sort of thing before and am wondering if I should bring my spouse along or not. I'd like to have the moral support and he would like to come but I don't want to look unprofessional esp. since the college is taking me out for dinner and paying for my room. Do I leave the spousal unit at home this time or let the college know I am bringing him along?
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locutus
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« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2009, 05:04:53 PM » |
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I say leave the spouse at home.
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Render unto Geedorah what is Geedorah's.
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astronomygal
Tough but fair
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Posts: 245
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« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2009, 05:54:31 PM » |
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The price that the college pays for your travel is the same regardless of whether the spouse goes or not.
It is common practice for spouses to go on trips. If you were flying, you would obviously need to pay for another ticket, but since you are driving, the mileage reimbursement is the same no matter how many people are in the car. If the conference requires a registration for your spouse, you will have to pay that too. You pay for their meals while the college pays for yours.
If you are worried about it, you can ask your dean or head of the department what the policy is.
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"I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face." - Coach Sue Sylvester
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oseph
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« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2009, 06:12:16 PM » |
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The hotel is no big deal, but the dinner is the sticking point. They very well may want to talk with you about your work over dinner, and if your spouse is there, they are going to feel obligated to include spouse in the conversation. If spouse is in your field, this is less of a problem, but if spouse is not knowledgeable about your field, it is more of a problem. In addition, the paying for dinner thing will be awkward - if their budget or reimbursement policies (some schools are strict) can't accommodate spouse, there will be mild embarrassment, even if you graciously hand over money to cover spouse's share of the dinner. Telling spouse to take a hike after the talk while you all go out to dinner would be uncomfortable too.
Leave spouse at home this time - when you are a Great Established Scholar, you can take spouse along as a matter of course. By that point, people will know that if they want you to visit, Spouse is part of the deal too.
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Oseph....you are right and you make sense.
For your future comments, I insult very directly.
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lizzy
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« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2009, 07:16:01 PM » |
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In my discipline, spouses aren't part of the package. Exceptions: Big Names who do whatever they want. For the rest of us, not so much. In my experience, it would be awkward and odd.
If you really, really, really want to bring spouse, you should let your host know, so the people involved can prepare, and/or adjust their expectations.
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I get cranky in the evenings.
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ucprof
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« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2009, 12:20:56 AM » |
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Chime with the others. You can bring the spouse but do let the inviting dept know and do not expect them to pay for spouse's dinner. If it is a social dinner you might ask if you can bring spouse and pay, but this puts them in an awkward situation. That said, I've had colloquium visitors, on occasion, bring their spouse to dinner. Usually it is when the spouse knows some of the colleagues in the field through personal connections. It is rare that a spouse comes to dinner who has never met the colleagues in a previous setting. The norm is not to have the spouse at the dinner, because it is usually a business dinner where people talk shop.
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alleyoxenfree
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« Reply #6 on: November 10, 2009, 02:13:44 AM » |
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You could bring the spouse to the lecture (especially as it is a long drive) and invent a reason for him being elsewhere afterwards, if anyone asks. As in, "Oh, he is catching up with friends from school," or "Oh, he has a big case to prepare for, so he won't be joining us."
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sarhajojobean
New member
Posts: 12
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« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2009, 04:42:03 PM » |
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The price that the college pays for your travel is the same regardless of whether the spouse goes or not.
It is common practice for spouses to go on trips. If you were flying, you would obviously need to pay for another ticket, but since you are driving, the mileage reimbursement is the same no matter how many people are in the car. If the conference requires a registration for your spouse, you will have to pay that too. You pay for their meals while the college pays for yours.
If you are worried about it, you can ask your dean or head of the department what the policy is.
This seems like sound advice to me. |
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