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[myohmy]

I have apologized before for intruding as an undergrad in this forum. This was a question, however, that I felt was best addressed to professors. Hopefully your collective insight can provide me with some ideas about what do.

I am taking a required course and this is my final year in college. The professor has been behaving in a way that makes me uncomfortable and I am not sure quite how to respond. This professor happens to be tenured, hold an endowed chair, and regularly appears in newspaper articles/college website/etc for the research he does. Essentially, he's pretty well-respected.

At the beginning of the semester, I was confused about an assignment and visited his office hours. While I received some clarification on the assignment, parts of it were still unclear to me, and I asked what I should do. He responded that he wouldn't mind if I "came by his place" some evening to talk about it further. I asked whether he was talking about a group of students (maybe some sort of study group?) and he told me, "I think we can handle it on our own." I cracked some stupid, awkward joke, about how if I need THAT much help, I should just pay for a tutor. Then I left, uncomfortable but feeling that perhaps I was overreacting.

Since then, however, he has made me further uncomfortable. He sat next to me in our campus coffee shop (fine, though he was sitting a little closer than I would have preferred) and started asking questions that made me hugely uncomfortable, like whether I had partied or hooked up with anyone the previous weekend. I essentially excused myself and headed out. He sometimes asks me to stay after class and while he doesn't do anything overt, he has asked if there are men in my life, reiterated his suggestion that I study at his house, commented on my appearance, etc.

I am uncomfortable about his interactions with me, but I need this class to graduate, and the other prof that could conceivably teach is gone this year -- and this seems like such an absurd and expensive reason to stay an extra year. I don't want to drop, and I feel like seeing the Dean will prove fruitless since he hasn't actually done anything and it is just a gut feeling I have. I will likely keep doing what I'm doing - trying not to be in one-on-one situations with him - but I am afraid that if he feels like I am rejecting him, he may take it out on my grade.

I would appreciate any thoughts on this situation - am I overreacting? I am going based on feelings and sort of a Justice Stewart "I know it when I see it" approach to his flirting, if you could call it that. I have no hard evidence, he has not tried anything, and I don't know if I should just stay in the class and see if I can get through it, if I should address it with him, see a Dean, etc. Dropping the class would require me to stay at least another semester, so I am wary about doing so when going on my gut feeling of discomfort. Any advice would be appreciated.

[scampster]

I don't have any advice, but I just want to say that sucks.

From your side of the story, it does not seem you are overreacting. (None of my professors have ever asked me about men in my life (suggestively or not) - this is not normal student teacher conversation.)

I guess all I would say is keep documenting everything in case he does take your rebuffs out on your grade. It's a crappy position to be in - if accusations are made, it will turn into a he said/she said kind of deal that could probably go either way.

[larryc]

The old goat is over the line--and yet not so far over that he cannot scurry back across if you call him on it. Next time he starts any of this crap tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and that you insist he stop.

[mouseman]

The old goat is over the line--and yet not so far over that he cannot scurry back across if you call him on it. Next time he starts any of this crap tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and that you insist he stop.

Old ass, more correctly.  I'm sorry about this:  icky for you, pathetic for the professor.  In any case, what LarryC said.

[barred_owl]

First, don't drop the class.  You're right--you shouldn't have to postpone your plans because of this oaf's behavior.

Second, if the professor makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him so.  Keep a note (as scampster suggested) of the occasion, and how the professor responded.  He may not be aware that he's coming on strong, and, even if he does know that he's pushing some boundaries, at least you will have a record of the incident.

Third, if you find that you need his assistance with course material at a future date, take a friend or classmate with you to any office hours meeting you might have with him.  Having someone else in the room will, almost certainly, make it more difficult for him to 'flirt' or otherwise make you feel uncomfortable about the conversation.

If he should happen to corner you at the coffee shop or other locales, your best bet is to leave as quickly as possible.  "Gosh! Look at the time! I've got to be off to my next class (etc.)."--then leave. 

If you've done everything you can to prevent having to engage in conversation with him alone, yet he still persists or escalates his advances, you really do need to talk to your Dean of Students.  S/he should be able to advise you on alternative strategies that will help you get through the remainder of the term.

Good luck!

[spork]

Ick.

[astrofraa]

This guy is way, way, out of line.  Even at our touchy-feely SLAC, where students and professors are encouraged to get to know each other as people outside the classroom, this kind of behaviour would be strongly frowned upon.  Don't be alone with him, document everything, tell him you're not comfortable with the personal nature of the conversation and would like to keep things on a professional basis, and if he persists, go over his head.  You shouldn't have to put up with this.  That said, if he really is as powerful/well-respected as you say, make sure when you go over his head that you go to an administrator who will take your side.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Good luck,

Astrofraa

[msmicrobe]

I'd drop by your campus police office and ask for their guidance. It is possible that Mr. Creepy has done this before and they are quietly building a case. At the very least, they should be able to tell you what you need to do to properly document all future instances of Mr. Creepy being a creep. You do need to be concerned about grade retaliation, and the police should be able to give you specific guidance. Your campus counseling center is another resource.

I hope he will behave, but I doubt it. Do make sure you have someone with you at all times if you need to visit office hours.

I agree that being direct and telling him you are uncomfortable is a good idea. But it is risky, because it lets him know you are picking up on his intent. Since he is in a position of power, and it is still a "he said she said" case, you are putting yourself at risk of retaliation if you rebuff his advances. It shouldn't be that way, but I'm afraid that policies on paper vs. what happens in real life are not the same.

My advice is to continue to be clueless about his advances. If he asks an inappropriate question, reply "Why on earth do you need to know that?" and move on. Minimize contact, avoid seeing him alone, and document, document, document. I'd even dress down a bit. More baggy sweatshirts and the like so you can't be ogled by Mr. Creepy in any way. --Not to discourage him, but to protect yourself from the feeling of his eyes being on you. And document everything.

I'm sorry you are facing this right now. It is NOT your fault. HE is the one out of line. WAY out of line. But he is a problem you have to deal with and work around. Best of luck to you.

[giant_hogweed]

I need to second (or third) what some of the others have said.  We cannot stress enough the need to document everything that makes you uncomfortable, avoid conversations with him alone, and I would also check the school's policy on harassment.  You want to make sure you are prepared just in case.

[tenured_feminist]

Harassers tend to be serial offenders. You're almost certainly not the first for this SOB.

As others have said, never meet with him alone and rebuff him gently if he approaches you in public. Document every interaction you have with him. Save copies of all work and document that you've turned it in either by ensuring you do it with witnesses or by sending it electronically and saving a copy in your outbox.

One other piece of advice: go over to your university's AAEO office and inquire about filing a complaint. Say enough to make them log something but don't lodge a formal complaint with your name on it yet. The idea is to get the file started and put the university formally on notice. Then if something happens down the road (i.e., he retaliates against you grade-wise), you are covered. As soon as you graduate, if the grade is one millimeter lower than what it should be, you have grounds to lodge a formal complaint safely and you can go after him.

Is there another senior professor in the department with whom you have a very solid working relationship? If so, do you believe you can trust that person enough to tell her/him what's going on? If you don't know the department head, don't go there first (see my first sentence). One thing -- whatever you do, don't let yourself get dragged into any department politics. (I.e., if a senior person eggs you on to file formal accusations, be sure you know your back is totally covered. I've seen struggles among faculty members in which students with legitimate issues were used as clubs without any regard for their safety.)

And finally, talk about it to your friends. Accurate student grapevines on who the jerks are can be very valuable in departments where the administration won't or can't act.

[grasshopper]

Harassers tend to be serial offenders. You're almost certainly not the first for this SOB.

As others have said, never meet with him alone and rebuff him gently if he approaches you in public. Document every interaction you have with him. Save copies of all work and document that you've turned it in either by ensuring you do it with witnesses or by sending it electronically and saving a copy in your outbox.

One other piece of advice: go over to your university's AAEO office and inquire about filing a complaint. Say enough to make them log something but don't lodge a formal complaint with your name on it yet. The idea is to get the file started and put the university formally on notice. Then if something happens down the road (i.e., he retaliates against you grade-wise), you are covered. As soon as you graduate, if the grade is one millimeter lower than what it should be, you have grounds to lodge a formal complaint safely and you can go after him.

Is there another senior professor in the department with whom you have a very solid working relationship? If so, do you believe you can trust that person enough to tell her/him what's going on? If you don't know the department head, don't go there first (see my first sentence). One thing -- whatever you do, don't let yourself get dragged into any department politics. (I.e., if a senior person eggs you on to file formal accusations, be sure you know your back is totally covered. I've seen struggles among faculty members in which students with legitimate issues were used as clubs without any regard for their safety.)

And finally, talk about it to your friends. Accurate student grapevines on who the jerks are can be very valuable in departments where the administration won't or can't act.

And when you're out of there, and not subject to any kind of petty retaliations on his part, write a letter. As TF pointed out, you're probably not the only one. Between a letter and the grapevine, the admin may find enough reason to launch a formal investigation.

[egilson]

Since then, however, he has made me further uncomfortable. He sat next to me in our campus coffee shop (fine, though he was sitting a little closer than I would have preferred) and started asking questions that made me hugely uncomfortable, like whether I had partied or hooked up with anyone the previous weekend. I essentially excused myself and headed out. He sometimes asks me to stay after class and while he doesn't do anything overt, he has asked if there are men in my life, reiterated his suggestion that I study at his house, commented on my appearance, etc.

According to our state-mandated training on sexual harassment, he has already sexually harassed you. He is in a position of authority over you, and by asking you to stay after class he has used that to put you in a position where he comment on how you look, ask leading questions about dating, and continue to ask him to come to your home when you've clearly said "no." Even if you don't tell him explicitly to "stop it," you have been and are being harassed.

I'd agree with many others that you should document everything carefully, then go talk to whomever in your school's human resources administration handles these complaints; there should be someone clearly designated. It doesn't have to get to the point where he says he'll give you a grade if you have sex with him (or lower your grade if you don't) for it to be harassment.

Too bad that we're civilized and you can't hit him with a large stick until he runs away.

[idiot_boy]

I'm surprised that a chronicle member would suggest "dressing down" to deal with the situation:
"I'd even dress down a bit. More baggy sweatshirts and the like so you can't be ogled by Mr. Creepy in any way." Though it is insisted that it is "not your fault" that you are being harassed, this advice suggests otherwise.  In this day and age don't we all agree that you should be able to dress however you like as long as you do not violate state laws against indecency?  You should be able to wear "sexually provocative" clothing--again, as provocative as the law allows--without being "provoked" by this creepy professor.  It doesn't matter if your shirt is somewhat transparent or if your skirt is considered scandalously short--keep on wearing whatever it is that you want while you fight this case.  And yes, document everything.  Obviously.  But don't succumb to outdated norms that quietly blame the victim while simultaneously assuring you that you are not to blame.

[carebearstare]

I am so sorry you are going through this, OP. It sounds very uncomfortable. Your prof, as many others have already said, is clearly out of line.

In undergrad, I had a situation with a professor who was acting inappropriately towards me, but it wasn't sexual harassment--in my case, the prof was just a huge a$$hole. I might suggest you do what I did, though: find a faculty member in the department at his level whom you trust and confide in that person. If you are female, I might choose a female professor. Not only could this person could be able to give you perspective (hint at or tell you that this is a common problem with Creepy Prof), but s/he might also be able to talk to someone on your behalf or help you navigate your college's channels.

In the interim, I would try to limit interactions with this professor--getting to class right on time or a bit late, sitting by the door and leaving first, and avoiding him otherwise unless you can't help it. But don't bend over backwards to avoid him--after all, he shouldn't be able to control YOUR life. Document the heck out of it if you see him and he is bothering you, and tell him he's making you uncomfortable if his advances go too far. But I think, as an undergrad in his class, you are vulnerable in this situation and you need help. So find it fast.

Good luck.

[grasshopper]

I'm surprised that a chronicle member would suggest "dressing down" to deal with the situation:
"I'd even dress down a bit. More baggy sweatshirts and the like so you can't be ogled by Mr. Creepy in any way." Though it is insisted that it is "not your fault" that you are being harassed, this advice suggests otherwise.  In this day and age don't we all agree that you should be able to dress however you like as long as you do not violate state laws against indecency?  You should be able to wear "sexually provocative" clothing--again, as provocative as the law allows--without being "provoked" by this creepy professor.  It doesn't matter if your shirt is somewhat transparent or if your skirt is considered scandalously short--keep on wearing whatever it is that you want while you fight this case.  And yes, document everything.  Obviously.  But don't succumb to outdated norms that quietly blame the victim while simultaneously assuring you that you are not to blame.

I agree - that suggestion makes me uncomfortable, for the very same reasons.

At the same time "should be able to wear what we want" and "can wear what we want" are two different things. It sounds like this student isn't in a position where she can stand up on principle without sacrificing this course that she needs to graduate. The next best option is to salvage what she can in the moment and make the situation as easy as possible for herself. The take-down can come after she's graduated, and is no longer at the mercy of this professor. That said, I don't think that dressing down is going to change the professor's behaviour one little bit. It's not about the dress. It's about the power.

But, Myohmy, no matter what you decide to do, or not do for that matter, know that none of this has anything to do with your behaviour. At all.