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[minorleaguer]

First of all, graduate students are often needy, annoying, brats.

And life is pain.

And you're competing with these people for jobs.

Etc. Etc.

But seriously folks - once we got past all the BS, many members of my cohort became really good friends.  We get drinks, go out for dinner, we cheer each other on, clarify various concepts for each other, and go to sporting events and concerts together.  You can participate as much or as little as you like in cohort activities, but if you never show up to a happy hour, never eat lunch in the lounge, and are always disagreeable - we think of you as having a stick up your butt.  But this is a very small minority of our cohort.

My cohort is somewhat like an artist commune, without the art . . . or that artist commune smell.

I think a lot of people forget that it is possible for the members of your cohort will be the core of your academic network in the future.

[a_mercy]

My Ph.D. cohort (there are about 15 of us) is pretty social, and I think some of that has to do with the way our program is structured. Since we're required to take several of the same courses, we see each other a lot on "official business", and I suppose that's translated into closer relationships. As someone above put it, it's a mix of friends and friendly acquaintances, which is really all that I could ask for. We do happy hours/other get-togethers, have a mailing list to share info, and I'm part of a reading group (which I joined in order to have more out-of-class contact with other students). We have a fairly non-single group, so family obligations and traveling to see SOs, etc. do affect attendance, but overall we do well. 

If anyone is reading this that has the opportunity to socialize and does not take advantage of it, I would urge you to consider doing so. This isn't the first time this has been said and won't be the last, but despite their unofficial nature, the information that gets exchanged at these functions can be valuable. 

And it's fun.

My experience is quite similar to Verde's.  Our Ph.D. cohort is a bit smaller, but we are a pretty tight group.  Two of us started meeting for coffee before class every week to discuss the day's reading (and sometimes to talk about other things) and these informal meetings have grown to include half of the seminar.

We are also strongly encouraged by our program director to spend time with each other in and outside of class, which I found strange at first, but I think he has a point: we'll be working with these folks for a long, long time and it's a good thing to start building relationships with them now.

I am also fortunate enough to have been assigned an advanced student as a mentor, and our weekly coffee meetings have proved to be invaluable with regards to information about the department, interviewing potential advisors, and trying to stay sane.

I promised myself this go around that I would be more social. A friend and I had this discussion (we are both in doctoral programs at different schools) about how when we did our master's (at the same school) everyone around us seemed to be having so much fun while we are always studying, never had any fun, and hardly knew anyone in program.  We both have embraced the socialization process and it seems to be working.  I'm learning more from my informal and formal social outings than I ever thought possible and I'm definitely sharpening my networking skills. 

[sugaree]

I don't think I would have made it through grad school without our weekly Friday "happy hours." The bar served the best burgers in town, so food was available and you didn't have to drink but it was a great release after a difficult work week. I don't recall precisely how it began, but by mid-semester of my first year, this happy hour was a regular thing. Everyone knew that Fridays at 5pm someone would be at the local bar (and hey, the burgers....). Discussions involved much complaining, of course, but also lots of interesting debates about a wide variety of things. Never again will you be in a situation with people so engaged in your own interests (departmental culture on the TT is different, at least for me).

I think socializing is vital to grad work. If a regular happy hour doesn't work for whatever reason, perhaps a regular lunch hour during the week? For folks who commute to campus, they are on campus anyway (and have to eat). Not only is regular decompression necessary to academic success but, as others have mentioned, these are future colleagues who will form the start of your broader academic network that will serve you well as you seek out future opportunities. Anyone who thinks being social in grad school is a waste of time is selling themselves short.

[egilson]

While I appreciate your experiences, believe me that in some cases keeping social contact, as opposed to "professional"/scholarly contact, to a minimum is the best thing to do. My program has some notoriously "social" members whose behavior has been partly responsible for the closing off of professional opportunities for its students. Once faculty start to think of (and complain about) graduate student as more interested in partying, gossiping, and screwing around both in and outside of class because a few of those students vocally and visibly do all those things, it hurts everyone in the program.

Socializing is great if there's work being done as well.

[temptedknight]

I just want to give another example of how bad it is at my program.

As I had mentioned, there are about 10 students in the entire program (all years), and 2 in my cohort (including myself). When the big conferences in our field comes up, we don't try to organize things together (among those who are planning to go, which is usually about 3 or 4). Alice would buy her own plane ticket and hotel, Brandon would do the same, and Cecilia would do the same. Yes, aside from the possible cost-savings of sharing a hotel room (among girls or among boys, of course!), they just don't organize things. If they happen to be on the same flight, then they will perhaps mingle at the airport/gate/plane. But if they don't, they'll just go to the conference and do things by themselves and not even meet another person from our program/school until the conference is over.

Now I consider that to be extreme.

It's not that we don't like each other, I don't sense any hostility, but I just don't sense any "sociality" (yes I know that's not a word) whatsoever.

[tinyzombie]

Another perspective: maybe they all just already have lives? I say this as someone who's happy to be in a social program and who certainly sees value in the actual academic value to a close cohort that people have already done a great job outlining upthread - but still. Maybe this particular set comprises ten people who have enough going on in their lives that they aren't looking for more - and if that's true, I'd bet you're SOL in trying to change them.

The situation sucks; I feel for you.

[polly_mer]

I just want to give another example of how bad it is at my program.

As I had mentioned, there are about 10 students in the entire program (all years), and 2 in my cohort (including myself). When the big conferences in our field comes up, we don't try to organize things together (among those who are planning to go, which is usually about 3 or 4). Alice would buy her own plane ticket and hotel, Brandon would do the same, and Cecilia would do the same. Yes, aside from the possible cost-savings of sharing a hotel room (among girls or among boys, of course!), they just don't organize things. If they happen to be on the same flight, then they will perhaps mingle at the airport/gate/plane. But if they don't, they'll just go to the conference and do things by themselves and not even meet another person from our program/school until the conference is over.

Now I consider that to be extreme.

It's not that we don't like each other, I don't sense any hostility, but I just don't sense any "sociality" (yes I know that's not a word) whatsoever.

Now, I do think that's a little extreme.  I was not a particularly social person in graduate school beyond the "Hey, let's have lunch once a week with the research group" or "X is leaving.  Let's do a going away lunch" because  I was married with a life outside of school.  However, I've never been anywhere that people wouldn't have some sort of "We're all going to the conference.  Let's exchange schedules of planned sessions to attend and let's have dinner together with our far-flung recent graduates on Thursday night."  That does smack of being too antisocial.

[scampster]

Socializing is great if there's work being done as well.

Then it is working, not socializing.

Yes it can be taken too far (which is sounds like some in your department have), but there is value in just hanging out with colleagues without expectations of work being done. "Bonding" is a little too strong of a word, but building relationships that don't just revolve around work can be important. Of course, since what we have in common is our work, inevitably that ends up being a topic of discussion even when hanging out socially. So by not participating in group socializing, you may be missing out on discussions that develop out of the blue.

In my postdoc field, there are a lot of multi-PI/institution projects. People in my field also seem to drink a lot. I have no doubt that some of these huge projects got sketched out on bar napkins.

But anyway, since my division of my department has very few PhD students and fewer who want to go into academia, I don't think that the fact we don't socialize is going to affect my future networks.

[verysneaky]

I've been part of two Ph.D. programs (one as a hanger-on while getting a master's in a related but different department; one as an actual Ph.D. student). The cohort of the people I knew best in Program A was not close: lots of people came in with spouses, etc., and had various other social priorities. On the other hand, my current cohort in Program B is extremely close and very social.

The larger issue, I think, is that it's impossible to *make* the other people in your cohort more sociable. It's always helpful if you have someone in your cohort who's gifted at playing the social chair role (Program B did, Program A didn't), but even so, no one person can transform the social dynamic completely. To the extent that one person can make a difference at all, it's by throwing *actually fun parties*, not by expressing dismay to other members of the cohort that the cohort is not coalescing as it might. If you're not much of a social chair yourself, you might find an occasion to serve unusually good food somehow, because unusually good food is fun. Otherwise, the real question here is, how are you going to deal with the lack of social opportunities in your cohort? How are you going to build professional connections and close friendships given that your cohort isn't bonding (as many do not)?

[mfaer]

I've heard this from other folks, but it seems like MA and MFA cohorts tend to be more "social" than PhD cohorts.  This has certainly been my experience in the humanities (maybe it's different in other disciplines/fields).  One, MA and MFA cohorts tend to be larger, as well as younger and having less responsibilities (many PhD students are married and have kids).  Two, folks in PhD cohorts seem more likely to spend their "free" time working on publications/research, etc.  

[peppergal]

Hey, it could be worse!  You could, like me, be a cohort of one.  It didn't start out that way, but the rest of my cohort dropped out by the end of the first year.

I would say that my cohort socialized, but that would really only make sense if I had multiple personalities...

The cohort ahead of me was already set in their socialization patterns, and I didn't really feel comfortable inserting myself into it.  I spent my second year abroad doing fieldwork, and by the time I came back in my third year, the cohort behind me was also set in their socialization patterns.  So I basically spent the rest of my PhD program being this satellite to the social groups in the program.  It didn't really make me unhappy, since I had friends and a social life unconnected to my program.  But sometimes it was kind of painful to see the students around me socializing with each other and excluding me.

I think the one time that sticks out as being really painful was my qualifying exam.  There was a tradition of the cohort providing cake and champagne after the exam to celebrate the examinee.  Since I was a cohort of one, there was no one to do this for me, and even though the DGS had emailed the other students pointing out that I didn't have a cohort to provide my post-exam treats, no one stepped up to do it.  Every single other student who passed a qualifying exam in the time I was in the program got cake and champagne, except me.  I'm not bitter (really, I'm not protesting too much!), because my non-academic friends took me out for a lunch of martinis and more martinis.

[larryc]

I think the OP has exaggerated expectations and is too quick to see the worst in his program. That said, he is right that the social side of a good program is a huge benefit. Your grad school buddies are your first professional network and sometimes an influential and lasting one.

OP, what about harnessing the technology to create more camaraderie? A listserv or Google Group, a Facebook page, a department Twitter account?

[polly_mer]

I think the OP has exaggerated expectations and is too quick to see the worst in his program. That said, he is right that the social side of a good program is a huge benefit. Your grad school buddies are your first professional network and sometimes an influential and lasting one.

OP, what about harnessing the technology to create more camaraderie? A listserv or Google Group, a Facebook page, a department Twitter account?

Like Peppergal, I spent a lot of time as a cohort of one, although that wasn't a problem socially because I had a lot of non-grad-school friends in that town. 

In terms of a fledgling professional network, you are not limited to your cohort at your school.  When you go to conferences, make a point of seeking out the other students at your level and go to those social hours, workshops, and special events.  Figure out how to become a long-term or frequent visitor to some other institution and make your network that way.  I have a pretty good professional network because of those actions.  In fact, I have a better network for those reasons than I do from the socially active cohort at one of my graduate programs.  More than half of that cohort didn't complete the program and those who did complete it did not then go on to become active researchers.  We had a good time and I don't regret it, but that was not relevant to my professional network.

[locutus]

OP have you looked into hanging out with more senior graduate students? In my program things varied pretty wildly between years. A lot of my friends ended up being from a different cohort. Besides senior graduate students often have good tidbits of departmental wisdom to pass on, which can be very useful.

[kedves]

You might want to read the OP's other thread to get a better sense of things.