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[spectacle]

A common precept when you have a relative who keeps asking for money is to pay the money direct to where it's supposed to go, e.g. if the relative says it's needed for college, pay it direct to the college; if it's needed for rent, pay it direct to the landlord, etc.

That seems like an excellent idea.  If you feel, OP, that you must keep sending money.  Which I would not recommend.

[distressed_student]

I feel nothing of the kind....however, I failed to mention earlier that I did submit the $1000 directly to her school (which I did).

[macaroon]

She wanted no money for tuition, saying she "had that covered." We all agreed that this sounded like a good fresh start. She then got there and said she needed to borrow $1000 towards her college term and she would pay us back by Xmas, and thank you. We have never (and will now never) seen that money. We gave it to her though. Apparently she did get good grades in her three classes she took at the community college, but she has lived at my mother in law's and at another relative's and is now with this guy----the guy she had this whole scheme cooked up with for a long time, apparently. So we got lied to again.

I'd let this one go, but if she asks for money for tuition, as others have said, pay directly to the college.

I'm going to admit something, though.  I lied to my parents too about shacking up with my boyfriend while I was in college.  We both had no difficulty graduating, and have been now married over a decade.  He didn't have "prison tats", but if you would have asked my parents back then they thought my boyfriend was a monster.

Bottom line - she enrolled in college like she said she was going to, and did well, even WITH the prison tat boyfriend around. 

[mdwlark]

Tatooed single dads in trailer parks need love too.  I'm with macaroon.  The lie was about paying you back by Christmas, everything else was as stated.  She did live with the mother in law, the boyfriend came later.  A few months seems like a long time to a 20-something college student.  When you loan money to relatives, you either assume you will see it again in a blue moon or you write up a contractual agreement spelling out payment schedule, payment amount, due date, and interest if any, get everyone to sign it, and make copies for everyone.  Then when they don't pay it back, you can go on television with Judge Alex and get the court to order it.  Is she staying in college? 

[distressed_student]

As far as we know-----it's all a big mystery. Remember, she told everyone she was going before a while back and she wasn't. She did last term: this one? not so sure.

[in_vino_veritas]

Really?  Two years on this thread? Please call Dr. Phil.

[larryc]

She is an adult and you just have to let her make her decisions and not say anything. Preserve the relationship for when she wants to be family again. And if she was in school as recently as last semester there is still much reason for hope.

[macaroon]

As far as we know-----it's all a big mystery. Remember, she told everyone she was going before a while back and she wasn't. She did last term: this one? not so sure.

Did you give her money for this term? 

Whatever happened the first time, she's at least tried to straighten up.  Good grades last semester, remember?  I think you need to acknowledge that.  If you can manage to throw a few bones towards her education now...  and directly to the college, it would be a nice gesture and might go a long way towards repairing the damaged relationships.