distressed_student
grad student/adjunct instructor/confused family man
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Posts: 122
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« Reply #135 on: November 06, 2009, 08:58:22 PM » |
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The grandparents (where she's been living) just found out she's not in school and about the insurance stuff.. The same grandparents that make her breakfast every morning "before school." We'll see where all this goes.
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Social Worker: Homer, your problem is simple. You're a fat, selfish buffoon.
Homer Simpson: ...Which is society's fault because...?
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distressed_student
grad student/adjunct instructor/confused family man
Member
Posts: 122
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« Reply #136 on: November 12, 2009, 04:04:12 PM » |
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Well, another issue regarding all this. I found out today that my wife is spending her day off tomorrow with the stepdaughter at the local community college. She is going to, in my wife's words, "...help her with everything she needs to do to try to reenroll for next term. Walk around, and see what she needs to do to reenroll and maybe get on a payment plan for the next term." (she still owes from the previous semester.)
Afer all of this, I am a little skeptical, to say the least. So then I asked my wife:
1) Why can't SHE (the stepdaughter) do this on her own, as she is 21? Why can't SHE be the responsible one and go to the various offices, etc etc, on her own without you holding her hand? (her response: "I'm still her mother.")
2) Does she realize that after all of this that we are not giving her a penny for the upcoming term; if she wants to go? (her response: "Yes she knows this.")
So, I have seen this before. Once upon a time, i would have interpreted this as my stepdaughter needing assistance with the confusing community college maze...but after 4 years, really?
Also, I thought maybe this was an olive branch from the stepdaughter to make my wife happy. But I won't be surprised if checks start flying (at the least for lunch) and my wife caves in.
The thing that I am the most upset about is, after much thought (and review of many posts here at this forum)
is that the plan is in place to have the stepdaughter act like an adult, by necessity, due to no input or assistance from us. But now I guess that's out the window.
Am I overreacting?
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Social Worker: Homer, your problem is simple. You're a fat, selfish buffoon.
Homer Simpson: ...Which is society's fault because...?
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spectacle
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« Reply #137 on: November 12, 2009, 04:11:28 PM » |
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Does she want to go to school? That's the question I would ask.
And I would definitely make her pay for it from here on out. I find that students who pay their own way are a hell of a lot more likely to come to classes, do the work and think very carefully about what it is they want to do.
Your wife seems intent on co-dependent behavior. That sucks and I'm sorry.
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I think this thread is going well. Don't you think this thread is going well?
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mystictechgal
Happy in my "full, rich adulthood", and as a
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 9,937
One step at a time
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« Reply #138 on: November 12, 2009, 04:13:03 PM » |
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Nope. You're not overreacting, imo. But, I'm not sure you can do anything about it. She's your wife's daughter. And, if your wife wants to become a helicopter you probably can't stop her. Unfortunately, no matter how many years it's been, you're still the step-father. I'm sorry. Concentrate on getting your diss done. Good luck.
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If a pouting pluot ploughman planted pluots in a plot, and the plot were ploughed on Pluto, would his pluot ploy play out?
"Is all the same, only different" -- Dr. H. L. |
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distressed_student
grad student/adjunct instructor/confused family man
Member
Posts: 122
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« Reply #139 on: November 12, 2009, 04:16:38 PM » |
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According to my wife, the stepdaughter is the one that came forward and asked her if she'd spend the day with her at the community college (she knew my wife was off tomorrow). It does not seem that my wife cooked this all up, etc.
However, my wife thinks this is a good idea. And I do NOT.
I just want all this to go away.
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Social Worker: Homer, your problem is simple. You're a fat, selfish buffoon.
Homer Simpson: ...Which is society's fault because...?
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hegemony
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« Reply #140 on: November 12, 2009, 04:29:28 PM » |
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Detach. It will happen the way it happens.
If you are worried about the money, it's time to sit down with your wife, calmly, and look over your finances in general. If you keep some of your money separate for discretionary uses, she'll certainly be within her rights to spend it on her daughter if she wants. If all the money is joint, then major expenditures should be agreed upon by both parties. However, I suspect that a furious veto from you won't be a productive way to proceed.
On the whole, you are more upset about this than I would expect of an average person in this situation. I'd think they would be shaking their head and rolling their eyes, but not distracted and distraught. I'm wondering if this brings up unfinished business from your own history. It would be helpful to separate this from that. This is not worth your being distraught.
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Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight.
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distressed_student
grad student/adjunct instructor/confused family man
Member
Posts: 122
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« Reply #141 on: November 12, 2009, 04:36:01 PM » |
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hegomeny...all finances are joint. That's not really the issue, though.
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Social Worker: Homer, your problem is simple. You're a fat, selfish buffoon.
Homer Simpson: ...Which is society's fault because...?
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angel
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« Reply #142 on: November 12, 2009, 05:37:14 PM » |
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I’m not really clear on the issue. Haven’t you been wanting your daughter to re-enroll in college? Managing your joint finances and deciding whether to finance her education is one thing. But is it the end of the world if her mother accompanies her tomorrow? What if she (and your wife) don’t do things exactly the way you want them to be done? Will the sky fall? Your daughter is an adult. You don’t have to stay tied up in knots.
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oldadjunct
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« Reply #143 on: November 12, 2009, 05:52:02 PM » |
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Your daughter is an adult.
BTW, so is your wife. |
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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Fiction is baseball; Rhetoric is football.
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kedves
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« Reply #144 on: November 12, 2009, 05:59:52 PM » |
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This keeps getting stranger. It sounds as if what you really want is for this stepdaughter to suffer.
I wonder how this looks to your other stepdaugher. Is she still the "good" daughter in your eyes?
Wouldn't it be better all around if you focused on your own life?
Are you or your wife on a health insurance plan that would pay for family counseling?
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spork
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« Reply #145 on: November 12, 2009, 06:42:03 PM » |
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hegomeny...all finances are joint. That's not really the issue, though.
Divorce now, while you still have some money. |
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket
"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
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distressed_student
grad student/adjunct instructor/confused family man
Member
Posts: 122
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« Reply #146 on: November 12, 2009, 06:46:20 PM » |
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ok, folks, I'm really mixed up here. Is it "leave her alone, it's her life" or is it "what's the harm?" I am starting to think that all of this is no-win and I just need to look the other way.
I could be reading into it: perhaps it's just a chance for the stepdaughter to have a day with mom. But based on pages 1-10 of this post, and esp. thr last couple of years, not likely.
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Social Worker: Homer, your problem is simple. You're a fat, selfish buffoon.
Homer Simpson: ...Which is society's fault because...?
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anthroid
Annoying bad luck snails
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 16,002
No happy socks because nobody gets Manitoba.
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« Reply #147 on: November 12, 2009, 06:57:44 PM » |
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ok, folks, I'm really mixed up here. Is it "leave her alone, it's her life" or is it "what's the harm?" I am starting to think that all of this is no-win and I just need to look the other way.
I could be reading into it: perhaps it's just a chance for the stepdaughter to have a day with mom. But based on pages 1-10 of this post, and esp. thr last couple of years, not likely.
Yes, it is a no-win and you need to look the other way. I understand that you've been involved in your stepdaughters' lives and all, but, really, you are not their father. But you really have to let this go. I speak from deep, wide, and extensive experience. Anyway, you and your wife need to be having this conversation, not us. |
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Do you hail from Planet Hello Kitty? It's like an action movie, but boring.
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mystictechgal
Happy in my "full, rich adulthood", and as a
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 9,937
One step at a time
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« Reply #148 on: November 12, 2009, 07:26:30 PM » |
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ok, folks, I'm really mixed up here. Is it "leave her alone, it's her life" or is it "what's the harm?" I am starting to think that all of this is no-win and I just need to look the other way.
I could be reading into it: perhaps it's just a chance for the stepdaughter to have a day with mom. But based on pages 1-10 of this post, and esp. thr last couple of years, not likely.
Yes, it is a no-win and you need to look the other way. I understand that you've been involved in your stepdaughters' lives and all, but, really, you are not their father. But you really have to let this go. I speak from deep, wide, and extensive experience. Anyway, you and your wife need to be having this conversation, not us.I strongly recommend that you get both of you into counselling to help with this conversation. Seriously. |
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If a pouting pluot ploughman planted pluots in a plot, and the plot were ploughed on Pluto, would his pluot ploy play out?
"Is all the same, only different" -- Dr. H. L. |
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distressed_student
grad student/adjunct instructor/confused family man
Member
Posts: 122
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« Reply #149 on: November 12, 2009, 08:59:11 PM » |
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But I thought you eggheads WERE my counselors!
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Social Worker: Homer, your problem is simple. You're a fat, selfish buffoon.
Homer Simpson: ...Which is society's fault because...?
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