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[festivus]

A female Saudi graduate student in one of my courses came to me yesterday in tears.  She and her husband are both studying in the U.S. (in different universities) on scholarships from the Saudi government.  She has been the victim of domestic violence and desperately wants out of the marriage.  Apparently the husband has said that he would divorce her (which in Saudi culture apparently disolves the marriage), but later recanted when they saw an imam and said they were still married.

She and her 3 year old daughter have left the home and are living with a friend, with whom she can stay until she finishes her degree in January.  She has reason to be concerned for her safety and I've advised her to get a restraining order, but am concerned about the ramifications of this in a very different culture.  I feel like I'm way out of my league here and am planning to get her some assistance from someone else at the university - perhaps the Office for Foreign Students or the Dean of Student Affairs.

Any advice?  What office at the university could be most helpful to her?  Is a restraining order in this situation at all appropriate advice for a Saudi woman?  Her visa and scholarship expire at the end of this year and I know she will have a very difficult time when she returns to Saudi Arabia, given cultural beliefs about divorce, women's rights, etc.  But her family seems to be supportive of the divorce.

[aandsdean]

You have to go, now, to whomever is in charge of international students on your campus.  I recommend speaking to the student first and offering to go with her.

This situation is way beyond what you can deal with yourself.  There are so many ramifications involved that you need to be very careful.

The Saudi scholarship deal is quite complex, but I get the impression that the campus coordinators for it have been quite well trained in its ins and outs.  (At my last job, we had quite a number of Saudis on campus under this program.)  You need an expert liaison.

Good luck to you and, more importantly, to your student.

[festivus]

Thanks.  When we spoke, I told her that I wanted to contact someone else at the university with more expertise in this matter.  She agreed that it was a good idea.  I'll contact international affairs office.  I've never interacted with them before.

[tolerantly]

She'll need not just an international-students person but an international divorce lawyer, and pretty quick, because the rights of women here and there are very different, including as they pertain to child custody. This business where the child stays with the mother is not universal, and it might be greatly to her advantage to get her divorce here, if she can. State laws do not regard a religious divorce as a legal divorce, so she'll need to sort that out anyway.  If your on-campus int'l person doesn't know much about int'l divorce law, give her the yellow pages or send her to talk to someone in your law school, if you have one.

[mystictechgal]

Whether the husband recanted, or no, Islam specifically permits the woman to initiate a divorce (Khula') in certain circumstances, including cruelty on the part of her husband, so long as attempts to save the marriage (and change his behavior) have been attempted and proven unsuccessful.  Recognize, though, that Imams will vary in their interpretation of the Koran.  Some will be more supportive of her than others, and you are correct that in today's climate it has become much more difficult for women to exercise this right.

That said, you are out of your depth in trying to counsel her.  You need to get her in touch with someone more versed in Sharia law and Saudi customs.  Whatever her circumstances might be a Saudi Arabia, at the moment, she's in the U.S. and subject to our laws.  If she feels threatened then, yes, I'd say that getting a restraining order might be a good idea.

On preview: Yes, the office in charge of international students is probably the best place to start.  I'd also suggest you have her seek help from student counselling services.

Another thing to consider may be assistance from the embassy.  If returning to Saudi Arabia could prove dangerous to her she may have recourse to petition to stay in the U.S. as a refugee.  Probably a long shot, but maybe worthy of investigation if she is truly afraid of returning home.  Again, there are folks out there who are in a far better position to address this than you are; but you know that already.

Good luck to her.

[festivus]

Thanks.  Yes, I'm well aware that I'm out of my depths here.  I just spoke with the International Student Services and they were very helpful. They can both advise regarding legal and visa-related issues, as well as put her in touch with counseling services.  I gave her the information and advised her to contact them ASAP and let me know that she's done so.  One interesting thing is that the international advisor told me that she has the original visa and her husband's visa is the companion one, which puts her in a stronger place given her rights here in the U.S.  They also recommended a restraining order and can advise her on that.

[msmicrobe]

Thank you for taking the time to help her get in contact with the people who can best help her. Yes, it may be part of the job, but it does matter. Domestic abuse is a real problem in many cultures and it is a real credit to you that she felt she could confide in you and seek help. Good job!

[spork]

I'll add the following to what aandsdean said:  domestic violence is against U.S. law.  Who cares whether the person doing it is from some other country.  I'm hoping international student, counseling, and legal services have pointed this out to your graduate student.

[festivus]

Spork, my concern is that she is planning to return to Saudi Arabia in January.   While I (and others in our university) can advise her regarding domestic violence within the U.S. legal system, she plans to return to her home country where she will be under Sharia law.  She'll need to deal with that reality and I don't want to blithely advise her from an American cultural standpoint in a way that will create more problems for her when she returns to a very different cultural and legal system. 

[kedves]

My concern would not be as much with her divorce as with custody of her daughter.  It's urgently necessary for her to get competent international legal advice specific to that issue.  It's good to hear that your international student services office can help.  Good luck to her.

[wet_blanket]

Others have suggested she'll be in a stronger position in regards the divorce to do it in the US.  I wonder how the Saudi Government would react to that, especially regarding the scholarship she's on?  What will the implications be for her when she goes home?

[t_r_b]

I agree with everyone's advice to get all kinds of expert counsel. That said, you don't have to track down a legal expert to file a restraining order. In my state we can print the necessary forms and instructions from the internet. If that's not available, I imagine she will find someone who can help her at the local courthouse. And in the meantime, if he harasses or threatens her, call the cops.

The main reason for calling the cops and getting the restraining order is to protect her and the children: he has been abusive, and they need protection. The other reason is to solidify the paper trail. That international divorce expert she'll be hiring will have more tools available to help if there is a documentary record of his abuse. "He said... she said..." is bad enough in any divorce, and must be ten times as complicated in anything international. Documentation is your friend.

Actually, with that in mind, one thing the OP can do right now is write up her account of their conversation as a formal memo and pass it on to someone in authority (international students advisor, or whomever). That then becomes part of the paper trail as well.

[ideagirl]

Others have suggested she'll be in a stronger position in regards the divorce to do it in the US.  I wonder how the Saudi Government would react to that, especially regarding the scholarship she's on?  What will the implications be for her when she goes home?

The implications *might* be bad enough for her to seek asylum and stay here. I'm not sure if that's the case or if she would want to, but it's reason enough to talk to a good immigration lawyer (and your uni's international center should have some recommendations for that; and most lawyers will talk with a prospective client for free for 20-30 minutes to see if there's anything the lawyer can do to help the person, i.e. to see if there's any point in the prospective client's hiring them).

[ideagirl]

PS: Another idea... does your university have a law school, or is there one nearby? Some law schools have professors who specialize in sharia law. Could be worth consulting them, and it would be free.

[wet_blanket]

Others have suggested she'll be in a stronger position in regards the divorce to do it in the US.  I wonder how the Saudi Government would react to that, especially regarding the scholarship she's on?  What will the implications be for her when she goes home?

The implications *might* be bad enough for her to seek asylum and stay here. I'm not sure if that's the case or if she would want to, but it's reason enough to talk to a good immigration lawyer (and your uni's international center should have some recommendations for that; and most lawyers will talk with a prospective client for free for 20-30 minutes to see if there's anything the lawyer can do to help the person, i.e. to see if there's any point in the prospective client's hiring them).

I wasn't thinking anything necessarily warranting asylum.  Just that as a scholarship recipient (as noted upthread, the Saudi scholarships are incredibly complex) she is more beholden to the Saudi govt - now and after she graduates - than the average Saudi woman.