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[hipgeek]

dado and I are going the no gifts for each other route, the Grans are getting Boyo photos and dado is helping boyo make some pottery and glazing it for his gifts to them.  It helps when your SO has several kilns and glazes in the studio.  I am making necklaces for the granmas and the evil SIL. (who I am sorely tempted to not give anything to at all).

Over the past few of years, I've convinced my SO's family to go from buying everyone stuff to taking the three adult sibling families and doing a trade-off--one year this couple buys for that one and the next year they switch.  After doing that for a few years, I convinced them last year to stop the adult siblings buying for each other at all and buying just for the kids.  Even though we are the only childless couple, I in no way felt shafted by this deal. 

I would like this year to minimize buying even more but I know this won't happen.  In fact, I think my "just for the kids" suggestion of last year was seen as my temporary recession measure.  But the thing is, I do have the money.  Sure, I'm not living the high life, but I could afford spending a hundred dollars on the couples.  (That's another frustrating thing, articulating and having everyone stick to "spending limits").

But it's not about me being cheap; it's about me growing up poor and being "funny about money."  I like to think of it as wise about money, though.  As much as I appreciate my SO's parents spending a couple of hundred bucks on me every year, this is four times what my own family ever spends and even that feels like too much.  I'm almost middle-aged and I've been an adult long enough to develop habits of thrift and independence.  I buy myself what I want when I can afford it and I train myself to not want what I can't afford and I'm quite happy with that.

The epic unwrapping and oohing and aahing of Christmas morning makes me incredibly uncomfortable.  I'd love to skip it but my SO would never understand.  I could try to play the family pity card (His family's economic display of comfort too keenly reminds me of my own family's lack).  But I don't think I ever even articulated it that way myself.  I certainly wouldn't prefer to spend the morning with my family so my only hope is that I get incredibly sick that morning, which probably won't happen.

[alto_stratus]

I'm pretty sure this is the strategy used in my family:

A few years of terrible useless gifts will make people change their minds about whether they really want to exchange gifts with you. :)

They will resent having spent good money on you and received, in exchange, an orange XL camoflauge-print sweater.  Or knitted soap cozies (what ARE those things for anyway?).  Sparkly cowboy boots. 

[prof_smartypants]

I'm pretty sure this is the strategy used in my family:

A few years of terrible useless gifts will make people change their minds about whether they really want to exchange gifts with you. :)

They will resent having spent good money on you and received, in exchange, an orange XL camoflauge-print sweater.  Or knitted soap cozies (what ARE those things for anyway?).  Sparkly cowboy boots. 

Stratus, are you my grandma? Stop shopping at the Ocean State Job Lot for gifts! Oooh. Too much bad nostalgia (is there a word for bad nostalgia? Nostalgia seems to connote good things... what's its craptastic counterpart?)

[hipgeek]

I'm pretty sure this is the strategy used in my family:

A few years of terrible useless gifts will make people change their minds about whether they really want to exchange gifts with you. :)

They will resent having spent good money on you and received, in exchange, an orange XL camoflauge-print sweater.  Or knitted soap cozies (what ARE those things for anyway?).  Sparkly cowboy boots. 

Stratus, are you my grandma? Stop shopping at the Ocean State Job Lot for gifts! Oooh. Too much bad nostalgia (is there a word for bad nostalgia? Nostalgia seems to connote good things... what's its craptastic counterpart?)

Did you say Ocean State Job Lot?!  I think we're in the same area. I love the Job Lot!

[prof_smartypants]

I'm not there anymore, but I grew up near job lots. And grandma bought crap from the bins every xmas. XL hello kitty sweatshirts before Hello Kitty was cool? Check!

[alto_stratus]

Stratus, are you my grandma? Stop shopping at the Ocean State Job Lot for gifts! Oooh. Too much bad nostalgia (is there a word for bad nostalgia? Nostalgia seems to connote good things... what's its craptastic counterpart?)

No, I was just the recipient. 

I believe the word you're looking for is. . . flashbacks.

[thundering_m]

We liked to get together the day after Christmas (Boxing Day) and have a sort of gag gift exchange of whatever crap we got. No less love for the eccentric hearts that picked out the gifts, but a safe contained place for getting a hoot out of it.

[_touchedbyanoodle_]

In case you're still reading, CKM, I'll share how Christmas always worked at my Grandma's house. To seat all 30ish of us, there was a looooooong table set up in the living room (this was a church renovated into a home, so it really was loooooooong), a picnic table in the basement, and then the regular dining table in the dining room that seated about 10. One set of food dishes was set on the table and those with the highest rank--the elders--sat at the dining table and ate family style. Another set of food dishes was set on the counter in the kitchen for everybody else, who ate at the looooooong table or in the basement. Because the dining room was right by the kitchen, those at the dining table could easily grab anything off the counter that they wanted, but there was no way for anybody to grab anything off the dining table without being obnoxiously rude.

I'm one of the youngest of my cousins, so I was ALWAYS in the basement, even as an adult. Oh well. :)

[wanna_writemore]

[vent]

I'm really tired of spending ~$35 guessing what gifts to buy to exchange for ~$35 gifts that I don't want or can't use.  We all have jobs and can buy what we want when we want (or save up for it).  I really just don't want more stuff.  And nobody knows what to get me.  And if I do want something, I go buy it.

As generous as the gift cards from my in-laws seem, I hate getting them.  Then I have to go shopping and buy in those stores.  Usually when I don't really want to buy anything.  

And I feel bad for being annoyed by others' generosity.  

[/vent]

[notaprof]

Tell people that you prefer gifts to your favorite charity instead of more unwanted things.   

[zuzu_]

Re: the expense of gift giving.

I have just bumped this thread from last year about gifts on a tight budget: http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,53966.0.html

[biomancer]

Tell people that you prefer gifts to your favorite charity instead of more unwanted things.   

My husband's family does this to an extent - the adults eschew gifts and instead contribute to one charity a year, and a different family member picks the charity each year.  The one downside, from my viewpoint, is that it's not always a charity that I feel comfortable supporting (I do not share their religious beliefs and they tend to pick religious charities, and some of the charities that have been chosen are rather irresponsible with their money according to CharityNavigator).  The kids still get gifts, and there is now some resistance to the idea that kids could become old enough to not need the gifts, and so it is becoming expensive again.

My family has decided to simplify somewhat - we do a secret-santa type thing, but with gift cards of a set price, and each person designates up to 5 places they'd like to get gift cards from.  Yes, it takes the element of surprise out of the equation (other than finding out who the gift card is coming from), but it ends up being useful anyway.  Mr. B and I can designate that we want gift cards to the home improvement store for fixing up the house, or to the bookstore, and not worry that we'll get gift cards that we'd never use.  Plus it's helpful to know that, for example, when my elderly aunt asks for a gift card to the grocery store or her favorite restaurant, that she actually wants it and will use it, and that it's not just a cop-out to buy that for her.

(That said, we still do exchange gifts with our parents and siblings and each other, but we keep that small.)

[prof_smartypants]

Tell people that you prefer gifts to your favorite charity instead of more unwanted things.   

Eh, in my family this would come across as pretentious and judgmental. My in-laws especially would think that by saying this, I'm actually expecting THEM to do the same in return and if they don't they're greedy.

I'm not saying it's right, but this is how a lot of people would respond.

[notaprof]

Tell people that you prefer gifts to your favorite charity instead of more unwanted things.   

Eh, in my family this would come across as pretentious and judgmental. My in-laws especially would think that by saying this, I'm actually expecting THEM to do the same in return and if they don't they're greedy.

I'm not saying it's right, but this is how a lot of people would respond.

Yeah, I always thought it was pretentious when done in reverse, when someone gives you a gift of a donation to the gift giver's favorite charity, but when someone suggests this as a gift that they would like to receive e.g. 'My friend was just diagnosed with cancer and it would mean a lot to me if you gave a gift to the American Cancer Society in my name,"  I would be happy to comply, just as I do with requests of charitable donations in lieu of flowers at a funeral.  However, I know you can't control how your in-laws choose to react.  Too bad, because lots of charities could use the support in the down economy.

[alto_stratus]

"Holiday Shopping Drives Me Batty" Gift List: (when a gift card just won't do)

Chocolate (big boxes, fancy brands always appreciated; local brands are sometimes fun, too)
Wine et al.
Winter-themed mugs (with tea, coffee, hot cocoa, etc)
Food gift baskets (sausage/cheese, or tea/coffee/cookies, or sweets/snacks)
Winter-theme lap blanket/throw

(please feel free to add to this list, for the benefit of fellow gift-challenged forumers)