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[oseph]

Could you plate the food for the elder generation and serve them first, and then let the younguns have at the buffet?  Alternately, does everyone sit at the same table?  If not, perhaps the older generations could sit at one table, where plates of food sat on the table to be passed, and everyone else could serve themselves from the buffet and sit at a different table.

[barred_owl]

CKM--I think the practice of letting the older folks go first makes sense.  To satisfy the voracious appetites of the teens, could you offer some sort of hors d'ouevres to tide the teens over until the older folks have made their selections and been seated?  

Alternatively, do you have enough room to set up two buffet tables?  You could send the teens in one direction while everyone else heads to the other table that way.  

What courage you must have to entertain such a huge crowd!

[oseph]

CKM--I think the practice of letting the older folks go first makes sense.  To satisfy the voracious appetites of the teens, could you offer some sort of hors d'ouevres to tide the teens over until the older folks have made their selections and been seated?  

Alternatively, do you have enough room to set up two buffet tables?  You could send the teens in one direction while everyone else heads to the other table that way.  

What courage you must have to entertain such a huge crowd!

Yes, to chime with that, there is nothing wrong with doing what you've always done, but telling the younger generation to wait until the older people have gotten their plates.  If my brothers had jumped up to pile their plates full of food before grandparents were served, my mother would have snatched them baldheaded.

[biomancer]

CKM - How about you set up more than one buffet line, or serve family-style from multiple tables?  We have a huge crowd for most of our holiday dinners, and our way around the hungry teenage-plague-of-locusts problem is to give them their own table and their own bowls of food so that they don't accidentally stab Great-Aunt Betty with a fork while she's trying to get some turkey.

On preview - others beat me to the same idea - but I thought of one more thing:  if the kids can't wait for their food, and are piling it that high on their plates, then they haven't learned their manners.  Had I piled my plate high before the elders in my family did, I'd get 39 lashes with the wooden spoon...

[stitch]

On preview - others beat me to the same idea - but I thought of one more thing:  if the kids can't wait for their food, and are piling it that high on their plates, then they haven't learned their manners.  Had I piled my plate high before the elders in my family did, I'd get 39 lashes with the wooden spoon...

I gotta say the same thing.  I was taught to take small helpings on the first round, to make sure everyone got some of what they wanted.  Once everyone had an opportunity for firsts, it was a free for all. 

Perhaps you could have a couple folks serve to prevent the giant portion grabbing?  You could even couch it as swine flu protection - don't want everyone's hands on the serving utensils.

[collegekidsmom]

I notice as far as manners go, something about the buffet line seems different than when plates were passed around the table. I remember many holiday meals where the plates were passed and you took only a small amount as others watched. This is a very well-mannered group of kids-it just seems that there are a lot of people and a lot of big serving bowls on the buffet-and different families thrown together-so it just seems that they maybe forget that the food is limited and there are so many more people coming along. I can remind them, but then I have to make that announcement thing. There are great ideas here-some I never would've thought of-so thank you so much-I am going to think about the set-up in general and use some of these ideas. The other thing that has caused me problems is the years that I don't use place cards to seat people. I am better off arranging the seating by name too. I have found out that just letting people sit puts some people in an awkward situation of having to walk around with their food wondering where they fit in. Must social engineer...

[rowan1]

A new note of anxiety - MIL has been invited for Christmas - on the condition that she leave her dogs at home.  Her nephew lives next door and is going to be around to care for them.  And we are not talking about little dogs but a golden retriever and another big sized mutt.

We have two dogs - a Rotti and a lab/chow (and god only knows what else) mix.  Her golden and our dogs didn't get a long when she was living with us. Her dogs are untrained, hyper, and destructive.

I think it is a reasonable request.   And my SO made it, not me.  Which would make you think I would be spared the fallout.  But nooooooo...

We must not love her and are so cruel.  SO is not going to bend so this should be either a grandparentless Christmas (which is fine by me) or a short Christmas visit (also fine) or - and this is the most likely senario - a long guilt trip of tension.  Fun times!

[marigolds]

I notice as far as manners go, something about the buffet line seems different than when plates were passed around the table. I remember many holiday meals where the plates were passed and you took only a small amount as others watched. This is a very well-mannered group of kids-it just seems that there are a lot of people and a lot of big serving bowls on the buffet-and different families thrown together-so it just seems that they maybe forget that the food is limited and there are so many more people coming along. I can remind them, but then I have to make that announcement thing. There are great ideas here-some I never would've thought of-so thank you so much-I am going to think about the set-up in general and use some of these ideas. The other thing that has caused me problems is the years that I don't use place cards to seat people. I am better off arranging the seating by name too. I have found out that just letting people sit puts some people in an awkward situation of having to walk around with their food wondering where they fit in. Must social engineer...

All great ideas.  Two more to add to the mix: 
1. Can you say a private word in the ears of the well-mannered yet forgetful kids and ask them to pass it along to the other cousins?  Then you don't have to do the big announcement thing, but they'll be horrified that they didn't realize it themselves and will be cautious in serving. (And will probably make plates for the old people before they get their own.)
2. Put out LOTS of cheap, filling appetizers - I'm thinking stuff like chips and Rotel dip, cheese and crackers, relatively heavy stuff - in the rooms where the teens hang out leading up to the feast.  They will take the edge off with this stuff and won't be quite so swarm-of-locusts when the real food comes out.  (This works for my huge, hungry, college-lacrosse-playing cousins and their equally giant and hungry friends at our Thanksgiving.) 

[msparticularity]

This is a very well-mannered group of kids-it just seems that there are a lot of people and a lot of big serving bowls on the buffet-and different families thrown together-so it just seems that they maybe forget that the food is limited and there are so many more people coming along.

I was actually really struck by this (the part I have bolded), and it suggests something a little different to me. If the event has grown to a size where it is impossible for you to ensure that there will be plenty of the desirable items, I think it's time to either discontinue/downsize the event or to change the entire approach to it.

I cooked for large groups for many years, and the first thing that became very clear to me is that "recipe servings" do not in any way equate to reasonable-sized helpings--especially for an event like Thanksgiving. They just don't. Think about this in terms of the cooking we do at home--don't most of us get one reasonable for four people from a recipe that claims it "serves 6 to 8?" And this isn't only due to the infamous US tendency to overeat; it has to do with the unrealistic ways in which "servings" are calculated by all kinds of governmental authorities. Taking (for example) a stuffing recipe that says it "serves 8-12" and doubling it for a group of 20 is just asking for trouble, unless you can ensure that everyone will take a tablespoon-sized portion.

But I'm not in any way suggesting that this means you just ought to make more food. I'm suggesting it means that it's time for a more realistic family conversation about the burden of hosting this event--and the possibility that more people need to be doing more cooking for it!

[mountainguy]

But I'm not in any way suggesting that this means you just ought to make more food. I'm suggesting it means that it's time for a more realistic family conversation about the burden of hosting this event--and the possibility that more people need to be doing more cooking for it!

Chime with MsP here. The friends who will be hosting me for their potluck-style Thanksgiving this year always have a big crowd, and they give all attendees a specific assignment of what to cook and for how many. As I recall from three years ago, there was more than enough to around. Ultimately though, I agree with Biomancer that some people just haven't learned their manners.

[drdice]

Okay, so has anybody here tried a Brady-Bunch-plus-the-exes holiday yet? We had a combined Mother's Day a few years ago at a restaurant, and it went okay. This year my adult son asked that we all plan a Thanksgiving dinner together. That would be me, my kids, my husband, his kids, my ex and his wife. Makes me a little anxious to think about it, though mostly we all get along okay. Almost sounds like a Lifetime movie though, doesn't it?

[wild_rose]

CKM--I think the practice of letting the older folks go first makes sense.  To satisfy the voracious appetites of the teens, could you offer some sort of hors d'ouevres to tide the teens over until the older folks have made their selections and been seated?  

 We did this when I was growing up in our ethnic (Ukrainian) neighborhood.

[thundering_m]

When we've had large gatherings, we asked at least one taller-than-dowager kid and one shorter-than-dowager kid to be the Thanksgiving Team to help each dowager juggle plate, beverages through buffet line/get things to table/be attentive table mates beginning with the big circle singing the doxology before we begin. They'll have plenty of time before (snacks and horses' dees plus a game or parade on TV or whatever while dowager visits/helps/etc.) and after (leftovers, pies, movie, soccer depending on weather and interest while dowager naps). We always have a jigsaw table going and often a scrapbook area where photos are being admired/shared/chosen/identified. And we almost always have temporary orphans, often visiting scholars or international students who also could use a local guide for the customs and foods. All good.

So that's not my anxiety. The 2009 edition? No travel budget, and gifts are probably going to be, well, more meaningful than valuable, which means more labor intensive to create. Perfectly reasonable but it still takes a bit to give up being as thunderbountiful as we have been.

[barred_owl]

CKM--I think the practice of letting the older folks go first makes sense.  To satisfy the voracious appetites of the teens, could you offer some sort of hors d'ouevres to tide the teens over until the older folks have made their selections and been seated?  

 We did this when I was growing up in our ethnic (Ukrainian) neighborhood.

We don't have nearly as many people for big family gatherings, especially those in the older age brackets, but the hors d'ouevres do keep the kids out of the way until the older folks have a chance at the main courses.  It's sort of like tossing out chunks of bread to distract the squirrels so the little birds can get to the bird feeders.

And, on preview, my holiday anxiety is exactly the same as T_M's.  No money.  I had to laugh, though, at my mom the other day.  She has no money except for her SS income, so my sister (who we nickname "moneybags") is picking up the difference on mom's monthly assisted living rent.  So, the other night, my mom makes the pronouncement:  "I'm going to buy everyone whatever they want for Christmas, but they are going to have to pay for it!"  I'm not sure whether she meant the individual recipients or my sister and BIL, but either way, I just had to chuckle--whatever you want, but you have to buy it.  I guess at least we'll all get something we won't have to return!

[rowan1]

And, on preview, my holiday anxiety is exactly the same as T_M's.  No money. 

Chime - another reason for no visiting big dogs.

dado and I are going the no gifts for each other route, the Grans are getting Boyo photos and dado is helping boyo make some pottery and glazing it for his gifts to them.  It helps when your SO has several kilns and glazes in the studio.  I am making necklaces for the granmas and the evil SIL. (who I am sorely tempted to not give anything to at all).

All because we didn't seem to follow the very sound advice of my Uni when they suggested that in order to be prepared for the furlough shortfall in the Dec. paycheck we should take out X amount of our paychecks prior and put it aside.  THey even provided a nice little chart to help us figure out exactly how much to hold out to make up for the shortfall that will all come in ONE Freaking paycheck because the stupid computer payroll system can not handle spreading it out.  Not that any of this has made me bitter or anything, I hope you all don't get that idea.  Oh, BTW - if we had held out the amount suggested - we would have had to choose to either not pay a portion of our mortgage, buy food, pay utilities, or something.  It is good to know that the Uni has our best interests in mind.

even better to know that we have savings - not exactly what we wanted to use them for, but oh well.