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[conjugate]

Wait.  You included the emoticon?  Why?

I am very jovial in class and didn't want to sound like I was coming down too hard on this student. This is a class of first-year college students, and I think they are not getting a very good education on "how to be a student" in their freshmen seminars. So I try to teach them as we go along. I don't think it was purposeful--I think many of the first years at my college just haven't learned yet.

Wow.  If simply making a statement (already worded in a joking manner even without the emoticon) about how you'd like to be addressed would be interpreted as "coming down too hard", their psyches must be very easily bruised &/or they are seriously humor impaired.  Whatever works, I guess.

Many students, especially first-generation college students, seem to have this idea that we Intellectual Lords of All We Survey are just looking for an excuse to find them Unworthy and relegate them to an existence of poverty and squalor (or something).  I've noticed that a lot of first-generation students are keenly aware of what they perceive as their lowbrow class, or something.  It's hard to explain, but they seem easily intimidated by faculty.  I'm not sure if it's a chip on the shoulder or an inferiority complex, or some combination.  

Or possibly I'm just misinterpreting what I've seen and I'm just an intimidating jerk.  But I try to be nice!

So I've been dealing with it by signing emails as Prof. Hopper, and (which is much more fun for me) referring to myself in the third person in class: "Then I said to myself, 'Professor Hopper, what do you think is the best course of action here?'" or, "... and a friend said to me, 'Grassy, you should do this.' Of course, he was my friend so I didn't make him call me Prof. Hopper."

I think that the more they hear me being addressed that way, the more they'll understand it as normative. It seems to be working.

I've done this.  " 'So,' you will say to yourselves, 'does Dr. <Conjugate> really expect us to do all this work?  Maybe if we don't do it, then it won't show up on the test!'  But this is a bad idea..."  In this way I warn them that I'm not assigning problems for the sheer joy of listening to myself recite page numbers, and drop a hint about standard forms of address.

[undisciplined]

I am sad that "Ms." never became part of our general vocabulary. It really was a useful term. But you hardly hear it outside of a faculty lounge.

Wow--it was the all-purpose mode of address to women in the South in my childhood!

Yes, but wasn't it "Mizz?" And if asked to commit this term to writing, became "Mrs.?" In the South of my childhood, it was the pronunciation of the term Mrs. that was different, not the understanding.

My pet peeve: When I attempt to address Little Undisciplined's teachers using the maritally non-specific title "Ms." (out of respect and since I do not know if they are married or not) this good intention is almost never taken that way. I invariably get an email back prominently signed "Mrs. Teacher" or "Miss Teacher." Sigh. Even the teachers don't understand "Ms." Of course, I have also had students who did not understand that a married woman might prefer "Ms." Now that I am Dr. there is no more confusion.

[scampster]

I am sad that "Ms." never became part of our general vocabulary. It really was a useful term. But you hardly hear it outside of a faculty lounge.

Wow--it was the all-purpose mode of address to women in the South in my childhood!

Yes, but wasn't it "Mizz?" And if asked to commit this term to writing, became "Mrs.?" In the South of my childhood, it was the pronunciation of the term Mrs. that was different, not the understanding.

My pet peeve: When I attempt to address Little Undisciplined's teachers using the maritally non-specific title "Ms." (out of respect and since I do not know if they are married or not) this good intention is almost never taken that way. I invariably get an email back prominently signed "Mrs. Teacher" or "Miss Teacher." Sigh. Even the teachers don't understand "Ms."

Well, unless they are hostile about it, they may perfectly well understand Ms. but prefer to be called Miss or Mrs. and are just letting your know their preferences for future reference.

[mystictechgal]

I am sad that "Ms." never became part of our general vocabulary. It really was a useful term. But you hardly hear it outside of a faculty lounge.

Wow--it was the all-purpose mode of address to women in the South in my childhood!

Yes, but wasn't it "Mizz?" And if asked to commit this term to writing, became "Mrs.?" In the South of my childhood, it was the pronunciation of the term Mrs. that was different, not the understanding.

My pet peeve: When I attempt to address Little Undisciplined's teachers using the maritally non-specific title "Ms." (out of respect and since I do not know if they are married or not) this good intention is almost never taken that way. I invariably get an email back prominently signed "Mrs. Teacher" or "Miss Teacher." Sigh. Even the teachers don't understand "Ms." Of course, I have also had students who did not understand that a married woman might prefer "Ms." Now that I am Dr. there is no more confusion.

Isn't this precisely what people are doing when they sign their names as Dr. X after being addressed as Miss X or Mrs. X?  They're simply giving you the information that you originally lacked.  They're telling you how they wish to be addressed.

[d_f_b]

I am sad that "Ms." never became part of our general vocabulary. It really was a useful term. But you hardly hear it outside of a faculty lounge.

Wow--it was the all-purpose mode of address to women in the South in my childhood!

Yes, but wasn't it "Mizz?" And if asked to commit this term to writing, became "Mrs.?" In the South of my childhood, it was the pronunciation of the term Mrs. that was different, not the understanding.

My pet peeve: When I attempt to address Little Undisciplined's teachers using the maritally non-specific title "Ms." (out of respect and since I do not know if they are married or not) this good intention is almost never taken that way. I invariably get an email back prominently signed "Mrs. Teacher" or "Miss Teacher." Sigh. Even the teachers don't understand "Ms."

Well, unless they are hostile about it, they may perfectly well understand Ms. but prefer to be called Miss or Mrs. and are just letting your know their preferences for future reference.

Exactly--how is this demonstrating a lack of understanding? Hasn't half the arguing on this thread been about people's right to be addressed the way they themselves would like to be addressed? Seems like they're doing precisely what a number of people in this discussion do, after all.

[systeme_d]

For the first time ever, I'm getting "Mrs"-ed.

I'm not particularly offended by it, but I think it's a good opportunity to teach them proper forms of address. So I've been dealing with it by signing emails as Prof. Hopper, and (which is much more fun for me) referring to myself in the third person in class: "Then I said to myself, 'Professor Hopper, what do you think is the best course of action here?'" or, "... and a friend said to me, 'Grassy, you should do this.' Of course, he was my friend so I didn't make him call me Prof. Hopper."

I think that the more they hear me being addressed that way, the more they'll understand it as normative. It seems to be working.

Pure genius, Professor Hopper.

[undisciplined]

Well, unless they are hostile about it, they may perfectly well understand Ms. but prefer to be called Miss or Mrs. and are just letting your know their preferences for future reference.

Fair enough. I guess I sensed hostility when perhaps there was none.

[chemxtree]

For the first time ever, I'm getting "Mrs"-ed.

I'm not particularly offended by it, but I think it's a good opportunity to teach them proper forms of address. So I've been dealing with it by signing emails as Prof. Hopper, and (which is much more fun for me) referring to myself in the third person in class: "Then I said to myself, 'Professor Hopper, what do you think is the best course of action here?'" or, "... and a friend said to me, 'Grassy, you should do this.' Of course, he was my friend so I didn't make him call me Prof. Hopper."

I think that the more they hear me being addressed that way, the more they'll understand it as normative. It seems to be working.

Pure genius, Professor Hopper.

You stole my comment systeme_d... course it doesn't help that I haven't check the forums in a week or so. Shameful!

Many students, especially first-generation college students, seem to have this idea that we Intellectual Lords of All We Survey are just looking for an excuse to find them Unworthy and relegate them to an existence of poverty and squalor (or something).  I've noticed that a lot of first-generation students are keenly aware of what they perceive as their lowbrow class, or something.  It's hard to explain, but they seem easily intimidated by faculty.  I'm not sure if it's a chip on the shoulder or an inferiority complex, or some combination. 

Or possibly I'm just misinterpreting what I've seen and I'm just an intimidating jerk.  But I try to be nice!

Can't comment on the 'intimidating jerk' since we've never met in person... but as a 1st-gen student when I started college I didn't carry a chip. Course as I explained upthread I was also exposed to the academic hierarchy and associated titles fairly early in my education... i think it provided my impetus to consider college/university a defacto stage in my educational path and career.

If you have some students that don't seem shy about talkin to you, it might be helpful to touchbase with them and find out what issues they're experiencing. Are they gettin an odd vibe from you that can be neutralized by a talk or can you help them overcome other internal fears/feelings of self-doubt.

I've done this.  " 'So,' you will say to yourselves, 'does Dr. <Conjugate> really expect us to do all this work?  Maybe if we don't do it, then it won't show up on the test!'  But this is a bad idea..."  In this way I warn them that I'm not assigning problems for the sheer joy of listening to myself recite page numbers, and drop a hint about standard forms of address.

I'll definitely have to use these 3rd-person reference tactics myself next time I'm in a teaching situation.

[mystictechgal]

Can't comment on the 'intimidating jerk' since we've never met in person... but as a 1st-gen student when I started college I didn't carry a chip. Course as I explained upthread I was also exposed to the academic hierarchy and associated titles fairly early in my education... i think it provided my impetus to consider college/university a defacto stage in my educational path and career.

If you have some students that don't seem shy about talkin to you, it might be helpful to touchbase with them and find out what issues they're experiencing. Are they gettin an odd vibe from you that can be neutralized by a talk or can you help them overcome other internal fears/feelings of self-doubt.

Um, conjugate was merely responding to my comments about students being overly sensitive if they'd see a simple request, phrased in a light-hearted manner, as a smack down.  I don't think he's trying to say he has an issue that needs solving.  He was just providing one possible reason for their heightened sensitivity to any criticism, no matter how lightly phrased.

[phlegmatic]

Right, and this was in response to my :) at the end of my "Mrs. Phlegmatic is my mom" retort. Here's the response I got from the student who called me "Mrs. Phlegmatic" (or more precisely mrs. phlegmatic since the student doesn't capitalize, apparently):

i am so sorry dr. phlegmatic for saying mrs. and about your response i still feel like the project will work because [insert non-response here]. haha

Guess I asked for the "haha" since I started with the smiley face. But my comment was light-hearted, and this student's lack of engagement in the class shouldn't be. haha.

[llanfair]

Right, and this was in response to my :) at the end of my "Mrs. Phlegmatic is my mom" retort. Here's the response I got from the student who called me "Mrs. Phlegmatic" (or more precisely mrs. phlegmatic since the student doesn't capitalize, apparently):

i am so sorry dr. phlegmatic for saying mrs. and about your response i still feel like the project will work because [insert non-response here]. haha

Guess I asked for the "haha" since I started with the smiley face. But my comment was light-hearted, and this student's lack of engagement in the class shouldn't be. haha.

Just wait till you grade that project.  haha.

[phlegmatic]

Right, and this was in response to my :) at the end of my "Mrs. Phlegmatic is my mom" retort. Here's the response I got from the student who called me "Mrs. Phlegmatic" (or more precisely mrs. phlegmatic since the student doesn't capitalize, apparently):

i am so sorry dr. phlegmatic for saying mrs. and about your response i still feel like the project will work because [insert non-response here]. haha

Guess I asked for the "haha" since I started with the smiley face. But my comment was light-hearted, and this student's lack of engagement in the class shouldn't be. haha.

Just wait till you grade that project.  haha.

Now this is the first thing that's really made me laugh about this...thanks!

[chemxtree]

Can't comment on the 'intimidating jerk' since we've never met in person... but as a 1st-gen student when I started college I didn't carry a chip. Course as I explained upthread I was also exposed to the academic hierarchy and associated titles fairly early in my education... i think it provided my impetus to consider college/university a defacto stage in my educational path and career.

If you have some students that don't seem shy about talkin to you, it might be helpful to touchbase with them and find out what issues they're experiencing. Are they gettin an odd vibe from you that can be neutralized by a talk or can you help them overcome other internal fears/feelings of self-doubt.

Um, conjugate was merely responding to my comments about students being overly sensitive if they'd see a simple request, phrased in a light-hearted manner, as a smack down.  I don't think he's trying to say he has an issue that needs solving.  He was just providing one possible reason for their heightened sensitivity to any criticism, no matter how lightly phrased.

Right, and this was in response to my :) at the end of my "Mrs. Phlegmatic is my mom" retort. Here's the response I got from the student who called me "Mrs. Phlegmatic" (or more precisely mrs. phlegmatic since the student doesn't capitalize, apparently):

i am so sorry dr. phlegmatic for saying mrs. and about your response i still feel like the project will work because [insert non-response here]. haha

Guess I asked for the "haha" since I started with the smiley face. But my comment was light-hearted, and this student's lack of engagement in the class shouldn't be. haha.

Just wait till you grade that project.  haha.

Now this is the first thing that's really made me laugh about this...thanks!

Don't want to take this off-topic but I read y'all earlier comments and conjugates. Most of the comments in the thread have been helpful for dealing or responding to certain issues with addressing professors, mentor, teachers, and generally folks in authority... more specifically females from the start.

Conjugate offered up an interpretation of student response to corrective behavior. His lighthearted comment about possibly being perceived as a jerk made me think he was at least in part worried about student opinion of him.

I didn't want to solve anything but just offering up another perspective from someone maybe coming from similar background to ur students. please note i say maybe. no harm, no foul.

[conjugate]

For clarity:  I do worry about students finding me intimidating, for the obvious reason that intimidation gets in the way of learning.  I don't know why I seem to have less of that problem at my new institution than at my old (though I had thought the first-generation-student thing might be a factor). 

I've had more students come up to me here to ask questions after class than I did at the last place.  Though I haven't seen my evaluations here yet (haven't given them out yet since we're less than halfway through the first semester), I hope that indicates less intimidation.  But I've found I scare students, which amazes me.

I don't know yet if I've got an issue about being intimidating to the students at the present school.  We'll find out!  At least (back on topic) they don't address me as Mrs. :-)

[scampster]

I've had more students come up to me here to ask questions after class than I did at the last place.  Though I haven't seen my evaluations here yet (haven't given them out yet since we're less than halfway through the first semester), I hope that indicates less intimidation.  But I've found I scare students, which amazes me.

I can understand. You are easily the scariest person on the fora.