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[llanfair]

My new Uni sent out a welcome letter to my spouse when we first got here - some kind of "faculty spouses Club" thingy.

Now, Dado and I don't share a last name and he has a first name that is occassionally used for women (think "Tony" for the sake of this post) - although not usually with his spelling.  My name is very obviously feminine.

So we didn't quiet know what to do with a letter addressed to "Mrs. Tony Mylastname"

Needless to say Dado did not join the faculty spouses club.

That's taking cluelessness to new heights, Rowan!

My SO and I (I do use his surname) are both alumni of the same uni, and I'm the one with the PhD.  Somehow, they managed to get that part right - immediately after I graduated, too! - but sent duplicate copies to:

"Dr Myfirstname Llanfair and Mr Hisfirstname Llanfair" and "Mr Hisfirstname Llanfair and Dr Myfirstname Llanfair"

Waste of trees and postage, folks.

[cranefly]

Hrm. I just got an email from a PhD student who called me Ms. At the very least, someone IN  a PhD program should know when to use the title!

[toothpaste]

I guess this truly is damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I answered a question from my undergraduate alma mater about my subsequent education, and now all my mail from them comes to Toothpaste, Ph.D. And irritates me because my alma mater thinks getting a doctorate transformed me into someone insecure enough to need to be reminded of it a couple times a month.

On the plus side, I have written several very polite notes to students this semester about not calling me Mrs., and why.

[temporaryname]

<snip>

My Ph.D. institution sends to Dr. Oxenfree.  But it is puzzling why so many faculty recruitments send me letters that start without it.  Do they think I'm applying to a job that requires one and don't have one?  Passive-aggression by the department admin?  Just don't think it's an accomplishment worth noting (I bet they don't refer to their proctologist as Earl)?

It's a mail-merge problem--this way they don't have to differentiate between the PhDs and the ABDs (and the clueless).

And I do call my kids' orthodontist Keith (despite his MD), actually, but that's his preference.

[stitch]

<snip>

My Ph.D. institution sends to Dr. Oxenfree.  But it is puzzling why so many faculty recruitments send me letters that start without it.  Do they think I'm applying to a job that requires one and don't have one?  Passive-aggression by the department admin?  Just don't think it's an accomplishment worth noting (I bet they don't refer to their proctologist as Earl)?

It's a mail-merge problem--this way they don't have to differentiate between the PhDs and the ABDs (and the clueless).

And I do call my kids' orthodontist Keith (despite his MD), actually, but that's his preference.

My Vet's staff all refer to him as Dr. Firstname and most pet owners call him that.  For some reason, this irritates the hell out of me.  I call him either Firstname or Dr. Lastname. 

I happily called several professors Dr. Firstname, but for some reason, it seems incredibly pretentious from the Vet.  I should probably see a therapist about that.

[llanfair]

When I was a grad student, I just couldn't make myself call profs by their first names, tho' they were fine with that.  My compromise was calling them "Dr L" or "Dr C", &c (initial of their last names).  Some liked it, and none minded.

[tee_bee]

...and why on earth should new undergrads know the rules of our academic nomenclature, anyway? In the rest of the world "Mrs." is a polite term denoting respect. Even the ones who call me by my first name mean no disrespect.''

When I taught freshman I used to include a little 5 minute "What do I call my professor?" unit in the first days orientation talk. Students seemed to appreciate it.

Thanks, larry. Pefect. I dislike being called Mr. Tee_Bee (I'm not your JV football coach/social studies teacher) but I went four years in college without addressing professors by anything because I wasn't sure what the norm was. And in grad school everything was first-name basis (a West Coast thing, maybe). Freshmen don't know this. However, when grad students don't understand the convention (and when they fail to see the connotation of Mrs.), it's more annoying.

Actually, I found it most jarring when I moved east and all my PhD students called me Professor. Weird.

[octoprof]

...and why on earth should new undergrads know the rules of our academic nomenclature, anyway? In the rest of the world "Mrs." is a polite term denoting respect. Even the ones who call me by my first name mean no disrespect.''

When I taught freshman I used to include a little 5 minute "What do I call my professor?" unit in the first days orientation talk. Students seemed to appreciate it.

Thanks, larry. Pefect. I dislike being called Mr. Tee_Bee (I'm not your JV football coach/social studies teacher) but I went four years in college without addressing professors by anything because I wasn't sure what the norm was. And in grad school everything was first-name basis (a West Coast thing, maybe). Freshmen don't know this. However, when grad students don't understand the convention (and when they fail to see the connotation of Mrs.), it's more annoying.

Actually, I found it most jarring when I moved east and all my PhD students called me Professor. Weird.

Freshman shouldn't be expected to know the nomenclature. However, they should, like all adults, have enough sense to listen to how the professor introduces himself or herself and to use that (whatever is is) until told otherwise by the professor.

My students have never heard anyone (me, my colleagues, etc.) refer to me as Mrs. Octo (which is my mother's name) yet they invariably think this is my name.  I don't think this is about students, but about people in general who do not bother to note how others introduce themselves (or one another).

[tee_bee]

It's not all that regional. Here in the northern part of the middle o'nowhere, I get Mrs all the time (I'm not married. It's the default honorific. Go figure).  I make a joke about my mother not teaching this course, and since she is long gone, we need to quick write a paper!  about ghosts teaching.

Several posts before and including this one have noted that students and others feel that Mrs. is the default title for a woman, regardless of (known or unknown) marital status. But the title Ms. has become that default, and, in my world (ca. 1975) it became standard. It became standard in my home town, Anchorage, which is Houston's northernmost suburb, a.k.a. the south. And I wouldn't say Anchorage was at either the leading or trailing edges of social trends--it's just sort of typical.

And, in the wikipedia (gasp) article (search on Ms.) it is noted that the title Ms. has a long pre-Steinem history, and that, in 1901, it was suggested that the title be resurrected and pronounced Mizz, consistent with the elision of Mrs/Miss that is common in the south. And yet, here in the south, all my kids teachers thus far have been married and called Mrs.

I am surprised by (1) how long a history the title Ms. appears to have (unless Wikipedia is just replicating folk etemology , which is possible), and (2) how it remains, apparently, nonstandard, odd, or controversial to some people.

Of course, Doctor (dock-tor) obviates a lot of this.

[tee_bee]

<snip>

My Ph.D. institution sends to Dr. Oxenfree.  But it is puzzling why so many faculty recruitments send me letters that start without it.  Do they think I'm applying to a job that requires one and don't have one?  Passive-aggression by the department admin?  Just don't think it's an accomplishment worth noting (I bet they don't refer to their proctologist as Earl)?

It's a mail-merge problem--this way they don't have to differentiate between the PhDs and the ABDs (and the clueless).

And I do call my kids' orthodontist Keith (despite his MD), actually, but that's his preference.

My Vet's staff all refer to him as Dr. Firstname and most pet owners call him that.  For some reason, this irritates the hell out of me.  I call him either Firstname or Dr. Lastname. 

I happily called several professors Dr. Firstname, but for some reason, it seems incredibly pretentious from the Vet.  I should probably see a therapist about that.

If your therapist is a real doctor, do you call him or her Doctor, Mr, Mrs, etc., or just "shrink"?

[temporaryname]

<snip>

My Ph.D. institution sends to Dr. Oxenfree.  But it is puzzling why so many faculty recruitments send me letters that start without it.  Do they think I'm applying to a job that requires one and don't have one?  Passive-aggression by the department admin?  Just don't think it's an accomplishment worth noting (I bet they don't refer to their proctologist as Earl)?

It's a mail-merge problem--this way they don't have to differentiate between the PhDs and the ABDs (and the clueless).

And I do call my kids' orthodontist Keith (despite his MD), actually, but that's his preference.

My Vet's staff all refer to him as Dr. Firstname and most pet owners call him that.  For some reason, this irritates the hell out of me.  I call him either Firstname or Dr. Lastname. 

I happily called several professors Dr. Firstname, but for some reason, it seems incredibly pretentious from the Vet.  I should probably see a therapist about that.

If your therapist is a real doctor, do you call him or her Doctor, Mr, Mrs, etc., or just "shrink"?

Actually, I'd probably end up using "you".

Seriously--I'm not going to be writing this person any letters, and there's remarkably little need for name address in spoken language in such a relationship.

[fosca]

My guess is that students default to "Mrs." for female professors because all of their high school teachers were Mrs.   
 
I woke a student up with a phone call Thursday (returning his call from an hour before) and introduced myself with "Hi, this is Fosca Ricci from MyCC returning your call".  He replied with "Oh, hi Fosca--um, I mean Mrs. Ric--uh, um, er, uh, how are you, uh, ma'am?"   I was pleased that he worked so hard to make sure he got the name right, and he sure tried.  Besides, I don't much mind "ma'am", given that it's nicer than the generic non-honorific default of "Hey".

[higherandhigher]

I use Ms. much more often than Mrs., mainly because I use Ms./Mrs. with individuals whom I do not know and whose marital status I do not know (or care about). Those people whose marital status I know are generally those with whom I am on a first-name basis. I would never call anyone Mr., Ms., or Mrs. if I knew they had an appropriate doctoral degree (Ph.D., M.D., etc. [but not J.D.s, etc.]): I would use Dr./Prof./Dean/President, etc. or use their first name as appropriate. I never use "Miss"...ever.

And, in the wikipedia (gasp) article (search on Ms.) it is noted that the title Ms. has a long pre-Steinem history, and that, in 1901, it was suggested that the title be resurrected and pronounced Mizz, consistent with the elision of Mrs/Miss that is common in the south. And yet, here in the south, all my kids teachers thus far have been married and called Mrs.
I am surprised by (1) how long a history the title Ms. appears to have (unless Wikipedia is just replicating folk etemology , which is possible), and (2) how it remains, apparently, nonstandard, odd, or controversial to some people.

That seems consistent with the OED definition/etymology.

From the OED, second edition, copied here under assertion of Fair Use.

Ms, n.2
DRAFT REVISION Sept. 2009 
orig. U.S.
Entry printed from Oxford English Dictionary Online
Copyright © Oxford University Press 2009

Brit. /m{shti}z/, /m{schwa}z/, U.S. /m{shti}z/, /m{schwa}z/  Plural Mss., Mss, (without point) Mses. Forms: 19- Ms., 19- Ms, 19- (rare) M/s (without point). [An orthographic and phonetic blend of MRS n. and MISS n.2 Compare MIZZ n.
  The pronunciation with final /-z/ would appear to have arisen as a result of deliberate attempts to distinguish between this word and MISS n.2; compare MIZZ n., and perhaps also MIZ n.1]

    1. A title of courtesy prefixed to the surname of a woman, sometimes with her first name interposed.
  Ms has been adopted esp. in formal and business contexts as an alternative to Mrs and Miss principally as a means to avoid having to specify a woman's marital status (regarded as irrelevant, intrusive, or potentially discriminatory).
1901 Springfield (Mass.) Sunday Republican 10 Nov. 4/5 The abbreviation ‘Ms.’ is simple, it is easy to write, and the person concerned can translate it properly according to circumstances. For oral use it might be rendered as ‘Mizz’, which would be a close parallel to the practice long universal in many bucolic regions, where a slurred Mis' does duty for Miss and Mrs. alike. [1932 N.Y. Times 29 May III. 2/8 In addressing by letter a woman whose marital status is in doubt, should one write ‘M's’ or ‘Miss’?] 1949 M. PEI Story of Lang. I. viii. 79 Feminists..have often proposed that the two present-day titles be merged into..‘Miss’ (to be written ‘Ms.’), with a plural ‘Misses’ (written ‘Mss.’). 1952 Simplified Let. (National Office Managem. Assoc., Philadelphia) Jan. 4 Use abbreviation Ms. for all women addressees. This modern style solves an age-old problem. 1971 Publishers' Weekly 1 Nov. 22 A crowded New York press conference heard this morning that a new magazine, called Ms. (pronounced ‘Miz’), will begin publication in January. 1974 Daily Tel. 21 May 1/6 The Passport Office yesterday conceded the right to women to call themselves Ms (pronounced Miz) on their passports instead of Mrs or Miss. 1977 Socialist Press 2 Mar. 3/3 It was, indeed, diplomatic of M/s Redgrave to find an excuse not to appear. 1992 Daily Tel. 2 Jan. 13/3 Besides the undeniable attractions of Mss Harker and Kensit, there was dashing James Wilby.

[post_functional]

I can't believe this is an issue.  Maybe I've been to some rarified schools, but I've never attended or taught at a school where a female professor would be addressed as anything other than "Dr." or "Prof." by most-if-not-all the students.

<snip>

My Ph.D. institution sends to Dr. Oxenfree.  But it is puzzling why so many faculty recruitments send me letters that start without it.  Do they think I'm applying to a job that requires one and don't have one?  Passive-aggression by the department admin?  Just don't think it's an accomplishment worth noting (I bet they don't refer to their proctologist as Earl)?

It's a mail-merge problem--this way they don't have to differentiate between the PhDs and the ABDs (and the clueless).

And I do call my kids' orthodontist Keith (despite his MD), actually, but that's his preference.

My Vet's staff all refer to him as Dr. Firstname and most pet owners call him that.  For some reason, this irritates the hell out of me.  I call him either Firstname or Dr. Lastname. 

My son watches Dinosaur Train.  The human host always introduces himself, "Hi, I'm Dr. Scott, the Paleontologist."  (Scott is his first name.)  I think sometimes people do this when they're trying to be more cloying, hip or groovy.  I can see a vet wanting to market him or herself like this.  "Does your cat have a pain?  See Dr. Jane!"  That sort of thing.

[toothpaste]

And yet it happened to me again today!