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[toni52]

OP,
After reading the last few posts, I find myself wondering whether you are an introvert--or are in fact simply antisocial.  Most introverts are not antisocial.  Yes, they are shy and/or socially awkward.  But they do desire social interaction with others.   Whereas people who are antisocial shun contact with others.   Unfortunately, people often assume that introverts are antisocial--when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. 

Assuming that you are an introvert who may simply be completely overwhelmed at the moment, you have my sympathies.  It can be very frustrating to be an introvert in an extrovert world.  But, as introverts we should also make an effort to try to understand extroverts.  They are hard-wired to thrive on external stimulation whereas we do not.  However, I suspect that most of the people you are meeting at your conference are not actually extroverts.  They are just introverts (like most academics) who've learned to play the game.  Or as it's most commonly known, they've learned how to  "fake it till you make it". 

[mouseman]

OK, I must admit - I am an extrovert.  And when I see somebody at a conference standing all alone by themselves, looking a bit out of place, I will go over to them and say hi.  In the great majority of cases, this has led to great conversations, interesting perspectives, and some long-term friendships.  All which I would have missed had I taken your unsolicited advice.  Your momentary discomfort at being addressed in a friendly, nonthreatening way, in a setting established for this specific type of activity, will not in the least deter me from being friendly.  Sorry.  Maybe next time you should take your food to your room, or hide better.

Seriously, Al, I don't know what discipline you are in, but the days of the academic (scientist/scholar/etc...) laboring in magnificent seclusion on their great work/theory/discovery are long gone.  We are now all in an era of collaborative effort.  Even mathematicians have to collaborate on theorems.  If being with other people is a burden on you, and you resent having to interact, than either: a, find another line of work, since you cannot survive in academia as an isolated person, or b, get some therapy, as others have already proposed, to get help in getting over your antisocial tendencies. 

Otherwise, I hope you're enjoying your conference.

[scampster]

OK, I must admit - I am an extrovert. 

Gasp! I didn't think those types were allowed around here.

I'll confess to being an excellent faker. I'm easily mistaken for an extrovert in many social situations. And like mouseman, I have made contacts and even friends that I never would have made if I didn't go up to the random person standing by himself at the coffee break. And I'm always relieved when others do the same to me.

[tinyzombie]

OK, I must admit - I am an extrovert.  And when I see somebody at a conference standing all alone by themselves, looking a bit out of place, I will go over to them and say hi.  In the great majority of cases, this has led to great conversations, interesting perspectives, and some long-term friendships.  All which I would have missed had I taken your unsolicited advice.  Your momentary discomfort at being addressed in a friendly, nonthreatening way, in a setting established for this specific type of activity, will not in the least deter me from being friendly.  Sorry.  Maybe next time you should take your food to your room, or hide better.

Seriously, Al, I don't know what discipline you are in, but the days of the academic (scientist/scholar/etc...) laboring in magnificent seclusion on their great work/theory/discovery are long gone.  We are now all in an era of collaborative effort.  Even mathematicians have to collaborate on theorems.  If being with other people is a burden on you, and you resent having to interact, than either: a, find another line of work, since you cannot survive in academia as an isolated person, or b, get some therapy, as others have already proposed, to get help in getting over your antisocial tendencies. 

Otherwise, I hope you're enjoying your conference.

This is a terrific post.

TZ, also an extrovert

[bread_pirate_naan]

You have confused "introvert" with "antisocial."

Bzzt.

Don't pretend like you're interested in where I'm from and what my research interests are. When you find out where I'm from you'll decide that I'm not worth collaborating with.

Low self-esteem.


Keep your chin up, Al.  I like (positive, but not annoyingly bubbly) people no matter where they are from.  Give people a chance to accept you and share interests.  Not every (academic) person is an insecure snob destined to reject you based on the criteria that haunt your internal dialogue.

[southerntransplant]

You seem to think this stage of your professional life is about you learning.  It isn't about you learning anymore.  It is about you sharing.  Sorry if that is a problem for you.  Academically, the passive phase of your life is over.  Done. Finite. Kaput.

Bookkeeping might be a better field for you if personal interaction is a problem.

While in your room having a wonderful time with yourself, avoid talking to the dog howling outside your window.  That never turns out well for anyone.

Finally, if perhaps you are really an academic so totally alienated for social contact as you portray yourself to be then I offer you this:  seek professional help now.  Not next week. NOW.

You seem to be a pretty unforgiving, rigid person. But that's just my interpretation. Hopefully you aren't in any of the mental health disciplines:

"LIGHTS

I share the OP's non-enthusiasm in the social aspects of conferences. Like Scampster, I can fake being an extrovert - I have a good sense of humor (I like to think) and have a few stories that usually go over well. But I'm not at a conference to mix socially. I'm at a conference to (yes) learn! And share! And if doing that means I'm going to end up splitting a bottle of wine with someone I'd not ordinarily befriend, then so be it. I would likely end up having an awesome time.

But at the end of the day, I'd rather just be by myself in the hotel room. Note I said "rather". Not "must". While I think the OP might want to be a little more flexible, I do understand the viewpoint.

And, OA, Ms. ST is a bookkeeper and accountant. You might want to revisit your stereotypes.

[southerntransplant]

Screwed up the "modify"...

You seem to think this stage of your professional life is about you learning.  It isn't about you learning anymore.  It is about you sharing.  Sorry if that is a problem for you.  Academically, the passive phase of your life is over.  Done. Finite. Kaput.

Bookkeeping might be a better field for you if personal interaction is a problem.

While in your room having a wonderful time with yourself, avoid talking to the dog howling outside your window.  That never turns out well for anyone.

Finally, if perhaps you are really an academic so totally alienated for social contact as you portray yourself to be then I offer you this:  seek professional help now.  Not next week. NOW.

You seem to be a pretty unforgiving, rigid person. But that's just my interpretation. Hopefully you aren't in any of the mental health disciplines:

"LIGHTS ON IN YOUR HEAD!"

I share the OP's non-enthusiasm in the social aspects of conferences. Like Scampster, I can fake being an extrovert - I have a good sense of humor (I like to think) and have a few stories that usually go over well. But I'm not at a conference to mix socially. I'm at a conference to (yes) learn! And share! And if doing that means I'm going to end up splitting a bottle of wine with someone I'd not ordinarily befriend, then so be it. I would likely end up having an awesome time.

But at the end of the day, I'd rather just be by myself in the hotel room. Note I said "rather". Not "must". While I think the OP might want to be a little more flexible, I do understand the viewpoint.

And, OA, Ms. ST is a bookkeeper and accountant. You might want to revisit your stereotypes.

[merinoblue]

I'm at my annual "big" conference right now. I love learning new stuff from the sessions. I hate the social stuff. Here's some advice to extroverts from an introvert:

1) We came to hear the paper presentation and discussion. We didn't come to hear you complain about not getting your paper accepted.

2) I'm sitting in the corner because I don't want to talk to anyone. Don't come over to talk to me.

3) I'm only going to the social to get food. Don't pretend like you're interested in where I'm from and what my research interests are. When you find out where I'm from you'll decide that I'm not worth collaborating with.

4) I didn't come to the conference to "break into groups". You talk. I'll sit and listen.

Finally, cooped up in my room for the night having a wonderful time with myself,
Al

Thread has been dead for a while, but I can't resist replying.

Wow. What hostility. Don't worry Al, I certainly won't be approaching you at a conference. This extrovert is quiet and sensitive, and knows when to turn it on...and off.  Like other posters, I like to approach (friendly-looking) conferees who are alone, because more often than not, they're there by themselves and would enjoy a chat from another solo attendee. I have great social radar:  I can tell pretty quickly when the contact is welcome, and when it's not. I also have no problem graciously declining or ending a conversation with someone more extroverted than me. That's a life skill you might want to cultivate.

[tee_bee]

I've been going to conferences for years now. I'm not fresh out of grad school (you can tell--I'm not wearing a suit) and I really don't booze up any more and, by the end of the day, I am exhausted, and, often as night, treat myself to room service and Sportscenter.

But...during the day I am pretty social, I go to panels to meet people, I do (sorry) ask people who they are and why they are there (if they are at one of the specialty meetings, I presume that we have similar interests), I don't really pass judgment on one's school, and I know that my ability to network has helped my career. I am not a natural schmoozer--until I get to know folks, I am pretty shy. Then, watch out.

Building a professional network is important, and that's what conferences help with. (Like, I'm there for the panels?) But I think there needs to be planned downtime too, lest you go nuts.

Summarize: it's one thing to be introverted, another to be anti social, and another to be a little bit of both. I think everyone, at some point, is a little bit of each.