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[sylfaen]

Hi all, I lurked quite a bit during the application process last year and learned so much, so first off--Thank You!  I am posting now hoping folks might have some input on my current situation.

I applied to 7 PhD programs in a small humanities field last year and was accepted to one school, a public R1, with partial funding (in state tuition).  My two top choice departments told me that I was "on the cusp," but both had cut their admit rates by over 50% due to funding issues.  My undergraduate and MA advisers encouraged me to go for the for the place I was admitted.  Their reasoning was: I already lived nearby and I could continue to work, admissions rates will be even worse this time around, it is a great program and scraping together funding is possible after the first year, and I might be able to transfer somewhere with more funding later on.  (Thanks to advice here and elsewhere, I simply will not take out loans for a humanities degree.)

This summer I have been getting a jump on my language requirements and I am really excited about the courses I will take in the fall and working with the professors here, but am just now starting to understand what it will be like to try to work and go to school full time.  This is not totally uncommon in the program, but it worries me.  I had a full fellowship for my MA so I just can't imagine doing my best work this way.  I am applying for external grants and hopeful that I might be able to arrange a teaching/research position within the department once I am there, but I'm starting to think this whole arrangement is totally crazy.

To further complicate things, my partner of five years has just been moved across the country for work (could be just one year, could be longer) and now my second guessing has gone into overdrive.  What would you all recommend to your students/colleagues in a similar position?  Some days I think "Heck ya! I can do this, I love this work and I am making it happen!" and some days it is "How deluded am I?"

[pink_]

You can second guess yourself into oblivion, but that won't change your current circumstances.  Feeling anxious about big changes (new program, balancing program with job, partner moving, etc), but try not to let it overwhelm you.  One day at a time, keep breathing, make lists, etc., etc., etc. 

Hang in there.  Much of the current anxiety (I'm guessing) is fueled by uncertainty.  Once you actually start classes, you will have a much clearer picture of your responsibilities and obligations.  Until then, try not to let your nerves run away with you.  Easier said than done, I know!

[sylfaen]

Thank you for your wise words, Pink.  I like the list idea; perhaps focusing on small tasks I know I can accomplish will distract from big picture changes.  A long run or yoga class might also be in order.  Thanks again.

[msparticularity]

I think it is also reasonable to talk to your advisor about the possibility of getting funding for future years. If you are doing well, and if your department understands that you cannot keep this up indefinitely, it may be possible to get considered for any GA slots that come open. While it's often true that incoming students get first priority on these, an advisor who's in your corner could make a difference.