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[trudgin]

Hi all,

     I was hoping to glean some pearls from the collective wisdom in the fora about a decision that I need to make.  Here is the situation:

     I have been accepted into a humanities Ph.D program at an RU/H state-supported institution.  Since opening the big envelope in early March, I have been teased with the strong possibility of being awarded a TA, with the caveat that there would be no specific time for me to be notified of it being granted to me.  As I applied to 7 schools and only got an offer from this one, I accepted the offer and registered for fall classes.

     At this point let me add that I have secured federal loans that will cover about 60% of my estimated cost of attendance -- I am considered out of state for tuition purposes.  And let it be known that I am not afraid to work to support myself through school, as I did while earning an MA nine years ago.

     In June I visited the school and I got a good vibe from things while there -- the campus, the program director, the town, the library, the students that I spoke with. During the visit I was told that:
1) I was the number one student on "the list" to receive a TA because I made an 800 on the GRE verbal, I had four years experience teaching high school, and I had committed to attending,
2) a TA had been recently vacated by a grad student that was not returning to complete his program,
3) that the decision to award the TA to me is not up to my program director, but it is the decision of the department chair that oversees the program,
4) that again, there would be no specific timeline on being notified yea or nay on the TA (no rhyme intended),
5) that next year I would most likely receive the TA if I didn't this year.


     At this point I feel like a donkey chasing the carrot on the stick. I am struggling with this because I have heard and read a lot of advice that one should not go into debt to obtain a humanities Ph.D. 
     I am passionate about the field I would be going into, I love to research, read, write, and teach, and I am excited about the opportunity to live a "life of the mind,"  so I would be willing to assume some debt.  But if I keep working under the promise of a stipend and tuition remission, I am worried that I will be too far along to quit and too much in debt to continue.

     For those of you out there who have experience in these matters, do you think I am getting lured into spending a lot of money?  If they really wanted me to come would they not have cleared a TA for me by now?  Or is it just that fiscally tight at state schools right now?  Should I defer enrollment?  Should I reapply next year to other programs?  Should I just go for my dream and hope for the best?  Do I start looking for outside jobs now, or will that just slow my progress through the demanding course of study?

     This is big decision for me as I would be leaving a good teaching job and living situation, I am 39 years old and the school is 1100 miles away.  With a TA guaranteed I would have no problem going;   but before I put myself into substantial debt and completely rearrange my life at this point, I wanted to see what some of you out there had to offer.  For my own sanity, and out of consideration for my present employer, I need to make a decision ASAP.

If you've read this far, I thank you, and I look forward to whatever advice or direction you might have for me.




 
 

[barred_owl]

It's been a while since I was in your shoes, trudgin, but I suspect that the school may be putting off funding commitments until after the start of the fiscal year (which, in many places, would be July 1).  Your prospects do sound good, however.  Here's hoping that you soon find out something more definite.

[wet_blanket]

Whether the department is stringing you along, or they really, truly are a cash strapped department doing everything they can is not the point.  The point is that they can't offer you any security.  If they can't give you a TA ship this year they will "most likely" be able to give you one next year?

You've heard before that debt for a humanities PhD is not a good plan, and you identified the risks in your post.

DON'T DO IT!

Send out more applications this round and try to find a place where funding isn't dependent on the stars aligning.

[peitho]

BO is correct about the fiscal year issues, but here is some common practice:

1) If you're willing to go without funding, you'll likely stay without funding.

2) If the program won't fund you, it doesn't really want you, but it does think it could use you. 

3) If you don't have a TA-ship, and they don't love you after you get there, they will do everything in their power to make you so miserable that you quit.

Do another round of applications, because it may be a "fit" issue.  On the other hand, in the current economic climate, their TA budget may be decimated and they may be hoping to attract students such as yourself based on the prestige of the program, or the prof you want to work with, etc.  (See #1.)

[charlesr]

Can you defer school for a year?  Tell them you won't attend without funding.

[inthelab]

What everyone said, especially WB's DO DO IT.  You have a good job now.  Either get a commitment or reapply.  You can still be a scholar of the humanities; is there someone at a college/uni nearby for whom you can act as research assistant to get a foothold, or is there an area you can pursue and write a scholarly article?  Just throwing out some ideas here.  But do not go into huge debt.

[grasshopper]

Given that you're willing to take on debt to do this degree (not a great idea, especially in the humanities - and on that, can I ask which field?), my concern would be that the department is talking in terms of "this year" or "next year." What you need is a this year AND next year. AND the year after that. AND probably for one or two more years after that.

You need something stable, however small, for the four or five years in which you will be working on your PhD, so that you don't have to worry every July about how you're going to fund your way through the next year. You're feeling the stress now? Without stable funding, you'll be feeling it every year. Whatever else happens, you've got to know that your tuition, at the very least, will be covered. Tuition and rent would be the best case scenario. Then you can worry about how you're going to fund the necessary extras, like conferences and books and research trips and interviews. That's what you should be scrambling for extra work for - not for the basics like rent and tuition. Those should be a given. 

If the department can't guarantee you at least minimal funding throughout the entire degree, then you're looking at the possibility of four or five or six years of full loans - to cover tuition, rent, conferences, books, etc. To cover all of it.

Sure you could work outside of the university, but unless you really luck out, that's likely to be much more time consuming, and won't result in tuition remission. So to make enough cash, you would have to work more than the 10-15 hours a week you'd be working as a TA. Which would stretch out the amount of time it would take you to complete the degree. Which will cost you even more money in the long run.

So say you only take out 70K in student loans over five years. IF you are able to get a tt job fresh out of the PhD, you'll probably be making in the 40-50K range. But that's a big if. Chances are, you'll end up adjuncting for a year, maybe two or three, before you're published enough to be competitive for tt gigs. Maybe you'll luck out and get a one year contract position. Those pay around 30-40K a year.

Are you willing to live with a 70K+ debt while making below 40K a year for two, three, four years? And then only moving up to 50K? And that only if you're lucky. You'll be saddled with that debt for life.

I would delay for a year. Wait for funding. If you're not competitive for funding, consider how competitive you will be for jobs once you graduate. And remember that you'll be competing with people who did have full funding, and who were able to devote themselves entirely to their studies, to getting teaching experience, and to building professional reputations and relationships by publishing and attending conferences. They did this while you were busy scraping up rent money.

[svenc]

Write a short, polite note to the Director of Graduate Studies for the department, explaining that you're excited to start in the fall, but (a) really can not attend without a TAship for the fall, and (b) need to know what their timeline for these decisions will be.

It's a reasonable request, and while there may be legitimate reasons why they couldn't let you know about funding when they admitted you, it is getting to the point where they should be able to tell you, or at least tell you what is determining their timelines.

Don't go into debt for a graduate degree in the humanities, and do realize that if you go on your own dime now you will not necessarily be a priority for funding in the future.

- Svenc, who is not in the humanities, but has been the DGS for his department

[baileysamson]

Trudgin, I feel for you. I am in a very similar position. I am starting a Ph.D this fall at an RU/H state-supported institution with a partial fellowship (which doesn't come anywhere close to covering out of state tuition). It does feel like a gamble, but I made a point to speak with a lot of students in my program and it learned that almost all of them were accepted with little funding, and then secured fellowships during their first or second quarter.

I honestly don't think this is a case of the the school not really wanting me as a student. My adviser did not accept any other students, but is also trying to continue to support second and third year students who are also desperate for funding in the current fiscal climate. Things really are dismal for a lot of schools right now.

I don't have any debt and I decided I was willing to take some on to go to my dream school with my dream adviser, even if it meant taking on some debt for the first year. I also have a partner who will be working and that helps a lot, too. It would be a lot harder if I were on my own.

[trudgin]

Thank you all for your ideas, suggestions, advice, and support. 

GH, since you asked, it is a comparative literature program.

After reading all of your posts, I have been able to calm my anxieties to the point where I have a little clarity.  Combining the wisdom you have all shared and shaking it up in my mind, the following plan has poured out:

Today I will send an email (short and polite, thank you svenc) to my advisor and ask for some concrete news, and let him know that without a guaranteed TA, I just can't do it; either I need to defer or I need to withdraw my name.  And that if I do receive the TA I need to be certain that I will receive it for the next four or five years.

The idea of not attending is frustrating because I really wanted to go this year; as I mentioned, I am 39 and I feel as if the window to do this is sliding shut.  But I suppose the failure to achieve a dream  is easier to swallow and live with, in the long term, than being saddled with 60-80K in debt on an adjunct's salary. 

The biggest hurdle I am facing is I have to come to terms with myself and my own ideals and expectations for my life and career.  I know, rationally, that I am not a failure if it doesn't work out, but my ego is shouting to me that I truly suck if I don't go through with this.  Pride goes before the fall, and all that.

I will post again if/when I hear back from the program.

Again, thanks so much to all who replied. 

[grasshopper]

Oh, I wouldn't think of it as failure. It's a setback. If this department can't guarantee you funding right now, there's always the chance that next year, you'll get into a program - at this school or at another - that will fully fund you.

And, you know, we make choices in life. You can choose to do what is best for you given the circumstances. That is not failure. That is making a smart choice.

[tt_wannabe]

You are also not a failure if you never go. Disappointed? Perhaps. Frustrated? Maybe.

But not a failure.

[mfaer]

Thank you all for your ideas, suggestions, advice, and support. 

GH, since you asked, it is a comparative literature program.

After reading all of your posts, I have been able to calm my anxieties to the point where I have a little clarity.  Combining the wisdom you have all shared and shaking it up in my mind, the following plan has poured out:

Today I will send an email (short and polite, thank you svenc) to my advisor and ask for some concrete news, and let him know that without a guaranteed TA, I just can't do it; either I need to defer or I need to withdraw my name.  And that if I do receive the TA I need to be certain that I will receive it for the next four or five years.

The idea of not attending is frustrating because I really wanted to go this year; as I mentioned, I am 39 and I feel as if the window to do this is sliding shut.  But I suppose the failure to achieve a dream  is easier to swallow and live with, in the long term, than being saddled with 60-80K in debt on an adjunct's salary. 

The biggest hurdle I am facing is I have to come to terms with myself and my own ideals and expectations for my life and career.  I know, rationally, that I am not a failure if it doesn't work out, but my ego is shouting to me that I truly suck if I don't go through with this.  Pride goes before the fall, and all that.

I will post again if/when I hear back from the program.

Again, thanks so much to all who replied. 

I think you're making the best decision. Remember, too: graduate school isn't going anywhere.  It's almost August, which means that application season for 2010-2011 is just around the corner. 

Also, just so you know, there are plenty of folks in their late 30's, early 40's in doctoral programs.

[pink_]

Depending on which state we're talking about (and I really hope it isn't California given the news this past week!), this decision about whether or not to grant a TA post likely has nothing to do with you.  State institutions all over have been hit hard by the current economic difficulties and most are facing significant cuts for the fiscal year 2009-10.  While  it is possible that the OP is being "strung along," as I think they put it, it seems more likely that the economy is a factor in determining how many TA positions there will be and who gets them.  I guess my point is that most likely, this isn't about you or how much they want you to attend/enroll, so try not to take it personally, whatever happens,  If they didn't want you in the program, they would not have accepted you in the first place.

[trudgin]

Update:

I sent the short polite email to my program director (and then thought immediately -- should I have sent it to the Director of Graduate Studies of the English dept. as well?)  Thus far no reply.

After that I anxiously called the DGS, who was not in her office, and my program director, who was not in his office.  I then called the Graduate School and talked to an admin asst. who stated that they would have told me by now if I was going to receive a TA in the fall.  But then she backpedaled and said it was ultimately up to the department.

As for me, I continued my internal freakout.
And I wonder why my girlfriend has suddenly developed a fear of commitment!