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[ms_turtle]

You are not abusing provision of services. You are a taxpayer and parent. These services are in place to help children that need it. Assessment is the only way to determine if services are needed. 

Your MIL can have her knickers in a twist if she likes, but you are not doing anything wrong.

[oseph]

Lemonbar,

I actually know a bit about this issue.  In the case of anything on the autism spectrum, it really is way, way, way better if it is caught early.  First, it gives the parents more time to figure out a plan, both for the child and the marriage, before things get really hairy, and second, early treatment can, in many cases, lead to better outcomes.  So in this particular instance, it is better to be overly-cautious.  Obviously what you don't want is to put the child in some sort of weird bubble without an actual diagnosis, but good child psychiatrists can evaluate the child in a very non-intimidating way and recommend a course of action.  We are going to have Baby Oseph screened by a family friend next time we're in Mr. Oseph's home town, simply because Baby Oseph can be extremely withdrawn at times.  We think it's just a personality thing so far, because he's also fairly outgoing at times too, and because Mr. Oseph and I are very withdrawn people, but as we suspect a few cases on both sides of the family of being on the spectrum but undiagnosed, we would like to be extra cautious.  So while Menotti is right, that there are times when this privilege is abused, I don't think you're abusing it in this case.  See how your son is doing over the next year, and then re-evaluate.  It doesn't sound like you have much to be worried about from the autism end of things, and certainly children pick up on too much tenseness, so try to relax and focus just on the language thing.  Once that's been dealt with, I'd go for another assessment and see where you are.  Good luck.

[menotti]

Lemonbar -
I hope you didn't take anything I said as critical of you.  You have to do what seems right, and once that sort of thing is in the air, you may need to have it checked just to feel better about it.  FWIW, I posted a few months ago because we'd been referred with our toddler, who was a slow walker and talker.  We ended up canceling the appointment because he started walking a few weeks later.  And your MIL may be annoying, but she did raise at least one child with many genes in common with yours, so I'd take her comments as a positive sign, not criticism of your parenting.  My mother is the same way, "He's obviously fine!  I wish they would quit telling you things to worry about!"

My comments really are directed to the general posters who can't see why universal screening for everything is not a good thing.  It's like saying, "Well, there's no harm in having a mammogram."  Sometimes, there is, in fact, harm in having a mammogram.  I would be really interested in seeing a systematic cost-benefit analysis of early screening/intervention on some of these things (if someone has one, please post), because the lead time bias issue is always going to be present with both clinical and anecdotal evidence.

[lemonbar]

Thanks everyone. menotti I did not take your comments as a criticism of what I am doing. I just wanted to make it clear that I have thought about your concerns, and that I share them. In all liklihood we will go forward with services offered, but I do constantly have a dialogue going on in my head about whether or not it's necessary and if I am overreacting. I don't want to put him in some sort of weird bubble, or to behave differently than I normally would (I don't think that I do). I would love to feel comfortable enough with what is going on to simply decide that my son is ok and does not need intervention. I know that's what my husband hopes will happen.

My MIL has raised two kids and has two grandkids now, so she does have experience that I don't have. She also taught gradeschool for many years. However, she also has a tendency to think that everything son or grandson do is perfect. She has no ability to be objective about them. So, while I value her opinions, I also have to sift through what she says and take some things with a grain of salt. (She's visiting right now, so I am probably more annoyed with her than usual.)