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[kamiakin]

Might I suggest you take you buy a playpen and set it up in your office and leave your door open so that your baby's laughter (and cries) can fill the hallway. Only the stone hearted will resist stopping by.

This might get me flamed, but OMG, if one of my colleages did this for any reason other than a daycare emergency, I would have words. Certainly if this happened on a regular basis. My office is a place to work, not a daycare center. I guess I'm one of the cold hearted.

Oh god chime! Outside of an emergency, no. The office is not a place for babies. That doesn't make me stone-hearted, it makes me a reasonable professional.

No, it means that you made up a rule in your head and called it professionalism and expect everyone to see the world as you do. You should have them put a door on your office so you can better attend to your own affairs.

/derail off

OP, I suspect part of the problem is simply the way you have framed this in your family-hostile work place. You colleagues (who are to be sure royal sh*ts) are hearing: "I am having a baby so I am going to do less work than you." If only you had pitched it: "I have a lot of research and writing to do and will be devoting the summer to that (at home)."

Too late for that now, but you can still change the focus of your conversations. And yes, your chair is acting illegally and you need to document the hell out of everything.

[testingthewaters]

Might I suggest you take you buy a playpen and set it up in your office and leave your door open so that your baby's laughter (and cries) can fill the hallway. Only the stone hearted will resist stopping by.

This might get me flamed, but OMG, if one of my colleages did this for any reason other than a daycare emergency, I would have words. Certainly if this happened on a regular basis. My office is a place to work, not a daycare center. I guess I'm one of the cold hearted.

Oh god chime! Outside of an emergency, no. The office is not a place for babies. That doesn't make me stone-hearted, it makes me a reasonable professional.

No, it means that you made up a rule in your head and called it professionalism and expect everyone to see the world as you do. You should have them put a door on your office so you can better attend to your own affairs.

/derail off

So if I decide that I need to bring my cats to work, is that allowed? Even the one who's in heat? She misses me when I'm not home. I'm offended by those who are disturbed by her loud cries of hornyness. They can close their doors.

How about setting up a karioke bar in my office, is that OK, too? The guys at the bar miss me when I have to work.

Sorry, the office is for work. I have no problem dealing with temporary unsolvable situations with daycare or whatever, but kids should not be in the office just for the heck of it. You want to work with your kid around, work from home.

~testing, cold hearted b*tch

(and no, no one else better call me a b*tch, especially those people who have testicles)

[onestep]

Congratulations!!!  I'm a new dad myself and want to say that you're in for the biggest treat ever.

Back to your department.  What they've said is illegal. 

Ditto what Spork said.  If they have half a brain, they wouldn't put it in writing, so what you can do is send a, "I'm e-mailing to confirm our conversation, blah, blah, blah.  "

[kamiakin]

Oh what the hell.

Sorry, the office is for work.

Yes, and I often brought my infant and toddler son to work. I had a Johnny Jump Up in my office door for a while. If he got fussy or loud I would bring him home. Once I taught with him in a backpack on my back and when he fell asleep I put him in the play pen in the back of the classroom. I was working, my colleagues were working, my students were working.

We have had epic battles about children at work before on this forum. Also about dogs, spouses, office dress, and cleaning the chalk board. In each case one side (usually the "no" faction) proclaims that their opinion is not an opinion at all, but an absolute rule, a law of nature, a mathematically verifiable scientific proof. Of course they can't point to the rule, law, or proof anywhere, it is just obvious. If you don't see it you have a character flaw. Press them and the ridiculous analogies and failed metaphors come out. What if someone brought an atomic weapon and set it off, huh Mr. Smartypants?

I worked a dozen years in a department where faculty children (and occasional dogs) were a regular presence. We taught our classes, published our books, and made lasting friendships. No atomic weapons were detonated.

[offthemarket]

Congrats!

I think a corollary to STFU, in family-hostile environments, is to pretend that you're not a parent at work.

There are plenty of issues for mothers, but I have experienced the raw side of the deal as a dad in an environment where it was clearly expected that I wasn't supposed to do my fair share of parenting.  Everyone in my department was either nonreproductive, or had a spouse that did all of the parenting.  Clearly no sympathy or interest in my activities as a parent.  Heck, there was a DOG SHOWER for someone in the department shortly before my kid was born, but nothing for me.

If you're in a place that's fine with the fact that we reproduce, then no worries.  Otherwise....

Put in enough face time so that nobody can accuse you that parenting is hurting your work.

Don't bring the kids unless it's a social occasion that calls for it.

When the kid gets sick and you need to stay home, it's YOU that is sick.

By the way, it is really never too early to find and get on the list for your favorite daycare.  Seriously.

[bacardiandlime]

If other people are bringing kids to work, I'm bringing a dog. And a talking parrot.

(while I also agree with posters who find screaming kids h*ll annoying, there is a gender element here. Obviously the OP, and 'active dad' kamiakin are both MALE. A woman who habitually brings her kids to work will be perceived as unprofessional. This has come up on the fora many many times, in the context of: man wants to leave at 3pm to pick up kids from school, he gets plaudits for being an involved father/woman wants to do the same, people tut-tut that she's not committed to her career)

[spectacle]

If other people are bringing kids to work, I'm bringing a dog. And a talking parrot.

(while I also agree with posters who find screaming kids h*ll annoying, there is a gender element here. Obviously the OP, and 'active dad' kamiakin are both MALE. A woman who habitually brings her kids to work will be perceived as unprofessional. This has come up on the fora many many times, in the context of: man wants to leave at 3pm to pick up kids from school, he gets plaudits for being an involved father/woman wants to do the same, people tut-tut that she's not committed to her career)

Exactly.  And kamiakin, I think it's also an issue of department culture - hanging a Johnny Jump Up in the door or bringing in one's children more frequently than Emergency! times would be considered outrageously unprofessional in my department. 

I think it's great that yours is more family-friendly, but idealism aside, I think it's smart to try to follow the culture of the department when it comes to things like this.

[frogfactory]

If you must bring your kids in to work, could you please do so when you are able to supervise them, rather than dumping them in the grad student office and going off to do your own thing for the rest of the afternoon?

</vent>

[the_honey_badger]

My biggest problem (from experience) with colleagues who have *regularly* brought young children to work is that they are the worst at seeing their own child's behavior or (in the most egregious case) thinking everyone is "enjoying" Little Tommy as much as they do.

The "sometime" bringers of children seem attuned to what the child is up to in terms of wandering, noise-level, etc.  The "everyday" bringers of children very often tune out their own kids pretty effectively leaving them unsupervised no matter the age. I used to wonder when a former colleague's child would finally fall down that dangerous flight of stairs---that he survived his third year is a matter of wonder to me still.

[mathmaven]

Might I suggest you take you buy a playpen and set it up in your office and leave your door open so that your baby's laughter (and cries) can fill the hallway. Only the stone hearted will resist stopping by.

Please don't.  Whether they will tell you to your face or not, many-- quite possibly most-- of your colleagues probably do not want to hear a baby squalling at the office.  Those with their own kids often value the workplace as the place they go NOT to have to listen to babies and toddlers, and those without kids at all often don't enjoy that sound anywhere, including work.

Also, let me add that I find is shockingly rude to imply that anyone whose workplace behavior does not include running to fawn over a baby and encouraging the practice of bringing newborns to work is "stone hearted."  More likely, they simply recognize and appreciate the difference between home and work and wish you would, too.

[sugaree]

My biggest problem (from experience) with colleagues who have *regularly* brought young children to work is that they are the worst at seeing their own child's behavior or (in the most egregious case) thinking everyone is "enjoying" Little Tommy as much as they do.

The "sometime" bringers of children seem attuned to what the child is up to in terms of wandering, noise-level, etc.  The "everyday" bringers of children very often tune out their own kids pretty effectively leaving them unsupervised no matter the age. I used to wonder when a former colleague's child would finally fall down that dangerous flight of stairs---that he survived his third year is a matter of wonder to me still.

Exactly! And yeah, I don't want dogs or cats (or talking parrots) in the office either so no, I'm not making a so-called "ridiculous comparison." Frankly, I'm not thrilled with egregiously loud talking colleagues, but that is my cross to bear.

Look, I'm happy you love your children and if you have an emergency that requires their presence in the office, so be it. I'm not completely heartless. But if yours is a fussy baby that won't sleep quietly through the day with only periodic stints of active crying, etc., perhaps the office is not the best place to be. The "sounds of a baby's laughter (and cries) filling the hallway" is not appropriate to most workplaces (try bringing your baby to the bank or law firm - ha!). Also, b&l's point about gender is extremely well taken here.

But back to the OP's inquiry (which is not about bringing baby to work day) - you'll need to assert your legally-protected rights on this one in the most diplomatic way possible. It still seems to me like your department has just not been tested this way and will (perhaps grudglingly?) accept what they need to do. You, however, also need to document everything, for possible future problems and make sure you are doing everything else necessary for tenure so that no one can (unfairly) try to make a case against you.

[bread_pirate_naan]

Might I suggest you take you buy a playpen and set it up in your office and leave your door open so that your baby's laughter (and cries) can fill the hallway. Only the stone hearted will resist stopping by.

After that, take your child to the movies(R-rated), theatre or opera.  It will be fun for all!  Only the stone hearted will know you are inconsiderate and have terrible judgment!

[spork]

This thread is not about bringing children to the office, it's about a supervisor telling an employee that he will lose his job if he becomes a father.

[madhatter]

This thread is not about bringing children to the office, it's about a supervisor telling an employee that he will lose his job if he becomes a father.

Right-o.

OP, if I were you, I would document everything that comes out of your colleagues' and chair's mouths and keyboards. Save emails. Whenever you have one of these bizarro, threatening conversations, scurry back to your office to write down the date, time, and who said what. These will be evidence should they actually follow through and you have to sue them.

I would also have a separate, private conversation with your school's HR officer. Don't bring up what your colleagues have said; just ask about policies pertaining to parental leave and tenure.

And definitely go on the job market ASAP.

[allbutfoundajob]

OP, I suspect part of the problem is simply the way you have framed this in your family-hostile work place. You colleagues (who are to be sure royal sh*ts) are hearing: "I am having a baby so I am going to do less work than you." If only you had pitched it: "I have a lot of research and writing to do and will be devoting the summer to that (at home)."

Too late for that now, but you can still change the focus of your conversations. And yes, your chair is acting illegally and you need to document the hell out of everything.

My framing was that I was not that I was going to do less work.  My framing was that I was going to not be paid while not doing any work on leave to care for my newborn and wife. 


In response to other posters:  I am the youngest male faculty member by almost 10 years.  Another male faculty member who obtained tenure and then had a child took off only a week or two for the birth.  I have also found out that the most recent female faculty member who had a child a few years before I started only took off time based on disability.  She took no additional leave.  To the best of my knowledge (very few faculty want to talk about this with me) I am the first faculty member, male or female, to even contemplate taking leave through the FMLA.

To another poster, yes I am looking for other openings.  This is my dream job description with a nightmare of fellow faculty and chair.



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