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offthemarket
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« Reply #120 on: April 23, 2009, 01:59:08 PM » |
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I'm just glad that, in my normal dealings, it's typically perceived as normal for men to be as involved with parenting as women.
On occasion, though, before my kid was in school I'd bump into some elderly folk who would see us out together (the playground, the zoo, museum, the park) who would ask in a kindly fashion, "So you're babysitting today?" To which I'd say, "No, I'm parenting. I do this every day."
Keep on insisting that mean can't be equal partners in parenting. Saying it doesn't make it so.
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polly_mer
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« Reply #121 on: April 23, 2009, 02:00:21 PM » |
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"So, it just can't be equal and never will be."
It cannot be the same. After birth and breast-feeding (if the latter happens), why can't it be equal?
I'm on board with why it cannot be the same. I have no idea why it cannot be equal in all things that don't require having specific physiology. I know why it generally is not equal, but I, too, would like someone to enlighten me about why the arrangement I think I have doesn't indicate that it could be equal if more people wanted to make the effort. |
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You can never know everything, and part of what you do know will always be wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing this. A portion of courage lies in going on anyway.
--Robert Jordan
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orangejuls
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« Reply #122 on: April 23, 2009, 03:55:38 PM » |
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These are really interesting "different but equal" arguments, if you'll excuse the expression. And I send out kudos to all the men on here who have come on to a potentially hostile thread and defended fathering as important and time-consuming! I'm just glad that, in my normal dealings, it's typically perceived as normal for men to be as involved with parenting as women.
On occasion, though, before my kid was in school I'd bump into some elderly folk who would see us out together (the playground, the zoo, museum, the park) who would ask in a kindly fashion, "So you're babysitting today?" To which I'd say, "No, I'm parenting. I do this every day."
I like this story from offthemarket, but it reminds me that in my "old" life, I know plenty of men--more than most--who call what they do "babysitting." Now, my daughter just walked through the door, and I missed her! |
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johnr
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« Reply #123 on: April 23, 2009, 05:04:48 PM » |
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"So, it just can't be equal and never will be."
It cannot be the same. After birth and breast-feeding (if the latter happens), why can't it be equal?
I'm on board with why it cannot be the same. I have no idea why it cannot be equal in all things that don't require having specific physiology. I know why it generally is not equal, but I, too, would like someone to enlighten me about why the arrangement I think I have doesn't indicate that it could be equal if more people wanted to make the effort. It's all about the clothes. We adopted. It was a long process. From the moment we started the paper work, my normally sane, tenured professor, wife started pouring through online catalogs and dreaming obsessing about how she was going to dress our daughter-to-be. UPS packages started arriving at our doorstep on a daily basis. Free time was spent scouring the used baby clothes stores. Legions of women (yes all women) that I barely knew, some related, some not, began sending us hand-me-down baby clothes that they had been storing for untold ages for such an occasion. It's a underground network that men are not privy to. It's only gotten worse now that our daughter is here. I don't stand a chance. I do my part, but I don't stand a chance. |
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"When I die, I hope it's in a committee meeting. The transition from life to death will be barely perceptible."
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tenured_feminist
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« Reply #124 on: April 23, 2009, 06:09:37 PM » |
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"So, it just can't be equal and never will be."
It cannot be the same. After birth and breast-feeding (if the latter happens), why can't it be equal?
I'm on board with why it cannot be the same. I have no idea why it cannot be equal in all things that don't require having specific physiology. I know why it generally is not equal, but I, too, would like someone to enlighten me about why the arrangement I think I have doesn't indicate that it could be equal if more people wanted to make the effort. It's all about the clothes. We adopted. It was a long process. From the moment we started the paper work, my normally sane, tenured professor, wife started pouring through online catalogs and dreaming obsessing about how she was going to dress our daughter-to-be. UPS packages started arriving at our doorstep on a daily basis. Free time was spent scouring the used baby clothes stores. Legions of women (yes all women) that I barely knew, some related, some not, began sending us hand-me-down baby clothes that they had been storing for untold ages for such an occasion. It's a underground network that men are not privy to. It's only gotten worse now that our daughter is here. I don't stand a chance. I do my part, but I don't stand a chance. How odd. I cannot trust Mr. T_F loose alone in Target with a credit card because he always comes home with a pile of new clothes that we don't need for the kids. I am wondering if I can somehow manage to block the Children's Place web site from his laptop. I do, however, go through the damn drawers and take out the smaller sizes when they get so full that they won't close. Some day, our attic will collapse under the weight of the boxes unless someone gets pregnant soon. Preferably with octuplets. |
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You people are not fooling me. I know exactly what occurred in that thread, and I know exactly what you all are doing. |
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nothingclever
New member
Posts: 29
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« Reply #125 on: April 24, 2009, 07:23:55 AM » |
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It's all about the clothes. We adopted. It was a long process. From the moment we started the paper work, my normally sane, tenured professor, wife started pouring through online catalogs and dreaming obsessing about how she was going to dress our daughter-to-be. UPS packages started arriving at our doorstep on a daily basis. Free time was spent scouring the used baby clothes stores. Legions of women (yes all women) that I barely knew, some related, some not, began sending us hand-me-down baby clothes that they had been storing for untold ages for such an occasion. It's a underground network that men are not privy to. It's only gotten worse now that our daughter is here. I don't stand a chance. I do my part, but I don't stand a chance.
Johnr is funny and insightful. |
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bacardiandlime
Ninja
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Posts: 3,144
That makes me more gangster than you
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« Reply #126 on: April 24, 2009, 07:24:40 AM » |
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Some day, our attic will collapse under the weight of the boxes unless someone gets pregnant soon. Preferably with octuplets.
Well, I think there's a doctor in California who can help you out with that... |
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YOU ARE NASTY
Go jump in lake!
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polly_mer
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« Reply #127 on: April 24, 2009, 08:01:58 AM » |
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"So, it just can't be equal and never will be."
It cannot be the same. After birth and breast-feeding (if the latter happens), why can't it be equal?
I'm on board with why it cannot be the same. I have no idea why it cannot be equal in all things that don't require having specific physiology. I know why it generally is not equal, but I, too, would like someone to enlighten me about why the arrangement I think I have doesn't indicate that it could be equal if more people wanted to make the effort. It's all about the clothes. We adopted. It was a long process. From the moment we started the paper work, my normally sane, tenured professor, wife started pouring through online catalogs and dreaming obsessing about how she was going to dress our daughter-to-be. UPS packages started arriving at our doorstep on a daily basis. Free time was spent scouring the used baby clothes stores. Legions of women (yes all women) that I barely knew, some related, some not, began sending us hand-me-down baby clothes that they had been storing for untold ages for such an occasion. It's a underground network that men are not privy to. It's only gotten worse now that our daughter is here. I don't stand a chance. I do my part, but I don't stand a chance. How odd. I cannot trust Mr. T_F loose alone in Target with a credit card because he always comes home with a pile of new clothes that we don't need for the kids. I am wondering if I can somehow manage to block the Children's Place web site from his laptop. Chime to Tenured_feminist. True confession: I have not bought Blocky a single item ever, although I did receive a couple bags of hand-me-down clothes from my women friends. I got to go along to pick out Blocky's dresser and changing table, but Mr. Mer is the shopper. That's why we have a camouflage diaper bag, an off-road stroller with nubby wheels and running lights (don't ask), and the biggest, sturdiest playpen made in the US because Mr. Mer is the shopping king. Once Blocky outgrows the clothes that we were given, Mr. Mer already has the sites marked for the clothes that Blocky will be getting. |
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You can never know everything, and part of what you do know will always be wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing this. A portion of courage lies in going on anyway.
--Robert Jordan
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tenured_feminist
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« Reply #128 on: April 24, 2009, 08:48:56 AM » |
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The worst was when he turned up with a catalog of gymnastics togs one day. I impounded it before we could acquire a collection of $50 leotards that would have been outgrown in six months.
But I had no choice but to let him shop for baseball season. My (older) son is now the proud owner of cleats with little chips that you can insert on the sides to make them have color highlights that match your uniform. The teeballer has his own gear bag. Sigh.
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You people are not fooling me. I know exactly what occurred in that thread, and I know exactly what you all are doing. |
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rowan1
be serious I am a
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 5,577
na na na na, na na na na , hey hey hey, goodbye
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« Reply #129 on: April 24, 2009, 09:28:52 AM » |
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Mr. Mer and Dado may be the same person!
I hate to shop - hate it. Dado loves to shop. For the upcoming father son camping trip he apperantly forgot that we already own 2 tents (boy needs his very own tent cuz he can use it for sleepovers too) camping cook gear (boyo needs his own mess kit) cool little things that you can brace your hot dog/marshmellow stick on so they don't fall into the fire (every hear of a twig/stick with a forked branch?) and I honestly don't know what else. Probably a french press since he only has to make coffee for himself.
He does come by the shopping gene naturally - I don't have to buy my child clothes - my MIL does it all for me.
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The time is out of joint—O cursèd spite,
That ever I was born to set it right!
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