next »

[glenwood]

I keep screwing up around here -- forgetting deadlines is my most common error, and I am sick and tired of being such a screw up. I just realized this morning that I missed yet another meeting I promised to attend.

At the same time, I'm entirely aware of one reason for my screw ups. I hate this job. I never wanted to end up teaching the type of classes I now teach and the department I'm in has major problems with staffing, personality conflicts, and funding. And, through a disastrous combination of my distorted expectations and some totally out-of-it students, the one class I was looking forward to teaching this semester has turned out to be a miserable experience. Of course, I have applied elsewhere, but nothing came through this year, so that has worsened my state of mind.

On the bright side, I have some great students, I do occasionally get to teach a class I like, and I'm employed and unlikely to be fired.

But I keep screwing up. Any suggestions for how to screw up less? How to apologize effectively? How not to go nuts?

[figee]

Motivation for not screwing up: you might need recommendations to get another job, and word travels fast. 

[just_wondering]

glenwood,

It might be some kind of passive-agressive defense, but really I don't know -- I have a similar problem, so I'll be interested in seeing the other responses.

[stitch]

Have you discussed your emotional state with your Dr.?  Self-sabotage can be a sign of depression.

Once that's ruled out, you need to pick an organizational system and commit to it.  Outlook calendar, planner, whatever.  I like the Getting Things Done system myself.  (Just google it - there's a book and many related websites.)

[canadatourismguy]

Remember this is a profession and as such; there are standards.  Do not worry about apologizing - worry about listening to that inner voice saying you are not doing what you are capable of.  

CTG

[namazu]

How do you currently keep track of deadlines and meetings?  You might try a calendar system (software that lives on your primary computer, such as Outlook from Microsoft or Thunderbird/Lightning from Mozilla, or a handheld device like a Blackberry or Palm Pilot) that has alarms you can set to actively remind you of impending deadlines, meetings, etc.

It won't change anything about your level of motivation, but it could at least help you keep track of tasks and events so you won't forget them.  Or it would remove your excuse for "forgetting" them.

On the bright side, I have some great students, I do occasionally get to teach a class I like, and I'm employed and unlikely to be fired.

These are all very good things.  Well, maybe except the last one, whose alternate could be a strong motivator not to "screw up"! 

[expatinuk]

Any job is crummy if you think that it's crummy. Why not focus on the positive.

[just_wondering]

Any job is crummy if you think that it's crummy. Why not focus on the positive.

Because this is sometimes just another form of denial. Pain, depression, screwing up, etc. aren't always bad. Sometimes they're just what we need to push us to make real changes in our life situation.

[neutralname]

Obviously your life is going to improve if you can achieve a better attitude.  Your dissatisfaction with the job and your screwing up are tied together, as you say.  I well know the difficulty of finding the silver linings when your life is under the influence of people who are incompetent and petty, not to say psychotic, but you still need to rise above it all, keep your dignity, and focus on what you enjoy.  (And invest less time and energy in what you don't enjoy.)  Try something new, and you might surprise yourself.  Psychotherapy, yoga, meditation, running, fine wines, community work, or anonymous ranting on the fora.  If you think there's a chance you might be depressed (look up the symptoms online) then maybe visit a psychiatrist -- I don't think your post gives any strong reason to think you are depressed.

[kedves]

I don't know if this will help or not, so I'm suggesting it only as a possibility.  Maybe deadline-meeting and job quality are intertwined for you and maybe not.  If you think it's a deep issue, then probably you will want to explore that with professional help (therapy).  But having said that, it might help to trying thinking about them as separate issues.  Meeting deadlines is always good.  Everyone likes this quality in other people.  Improving your ability to do it will help you feel better on a daily basis and have better relationships with other people.  I may be uniquely weird, but I find that when I'm cross with myself, I tend to become more cross with other people--even though they usually are acting exactly the same as always.  I'm not trying to become a totally positive person; I would like to reserve the right to be cross with other people, but I would like to think it's because of something they did rather than my free-floating bad mood.

Meeting deadlines and other obligations expresses the kind of person you are, not the kind of job you have.  It does not commit you to liking your job any better. 

I use a very primitive system of a regular 12-month calendar, daily index cards (different colors for lecture notes and appointments), and sticky notes on my computer.  There are superior planner systems, of course; I think you need to try some until you find one that works for you, with the idea that there is one that will work for you.

I can relate to your feelings about the job and the students, but I have to remind myself that I become Miss Anthropy around week 13 or 14 every semester.  I agree with NeutralName's advice to care less about what does not give back to you and more about some things that will.

[relationalista]

Funny, isn't it (in a sad sort of way), that awareness of the cause of the problem doesn't necessarily help in addressing the problem.

[marigolds]

Separate doing well from your job.  Perform well (ie, meet deadlines, keep up with a calendar, etc) because that's the kind of person you are.  It has nothing to do with whether or not your job deserves your best effort - it has to do with the fact that YOU deserve to not feel like crap because you're missing meetings and screwing up.  Then it won't matter if the job is crummy, because you're not. 

[glenwood]

I really, truly, deeply appreciate the comments and suggestions here.

I think the comments about being satisfied with myself were right on target. On the one hand, I'm aware of the good things about my job and my life, and on the other I feel a real sense of disappointment about my accomplishments and my circumstances. I strongly suspect that I am sabotaging myself, because I think that the problems with the job are my fault (if I were better, wouldn't I have a job somewhere better?) and I want an excuse to be thrown out of here.

I actually just started (two weeks ago) to make some other changes in my life outside of work. I'm volunteering once a week and I'm going to the gym 3 days a week. But I think I also have to be very careful about achieving a balance. I'm actually worried that my recent screw-ups may be a sign that I'm not just separating my job and the rest of my life, I'm checking out mentally.

And then there's the possibility that my self-knowledge is a bunch of hooey.

But I definitely need to work on putting things on a calendar. That's a habit that should be developed without any further psychotherapy (or freelance self-analysis).

Thanks again, everybody. This helps a lot.

[qt314]

Two things that have helped me (I have been in the same place you are).

1. Get a PDA or smart phone, and become obsessive about entering all your appointments and checking it. Once I got a Palm pilot, I stopped missing meetings and double booking appointments.

2. If you get into a funk and start feeling that your life is cr*p, then ask yourself what you can do in the next *five minutes* to improve your life and make yourself happier and do it. That might mean tracking down a red pen to grade that mountain of papers in front of you, washing your dishes, or opening a window to see the sun. Whatever it takes. Promise yourself that you will stop in five minutes if you feel like it.

3. Bonus suggestion: keep looking for jobs, and don't let a bad year get you down.

Good luck!!

[spectacle]

I know a lot of people swear by PDAs and iCal or whatever, but I find that an old-fashioned day planner.  I prefer a Moleskine.  I can take it with me everywhere, I don't have to sync anything, and I don't have to worry about batteries or lack of connectivity.

Everything that needs to happen goes in that planner and if I fail to get something done, I just copy into the next week.  Eventually it all happens, I check it every morning and for the most part, I never miss a meeting or an appointment.