mathprof08
Junior member
Posts: 66
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« on: February 17, 2009, 12:29:56 PM » |
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Well, I got my dream job offer. Over the weekend my spouse and I decided that if I got the offer I would take it. GREAT!!! Then, the offer came. Now spouse is flipping out about finding a job in this economy. Yesterday I was on top of the world, today I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.
My spouse is in industry and the geographical area doesn't seem to have much to offer. On the other hand it doesn't seem like A (my spouse) has put much work into trying to find a job.
I don't really know what my question is, (I feel like one of those students that show up in office hours with no specific question saying "I don't understand chapters 1-3"). So few people in the rest of my life can understand the stress and weight of this decision wrt taking a TT job. Any sage advice is welcome.
While the job is a dream job for me, it certainly isn't worth a bitter spouse. Ughhhh!!!!!
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inthelab
Where beloved molecules abide
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 4,240
Who knew?
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« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2009, 12:35:11 PM » |
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Can you put spouse in touch with a head-hunter in the new locale?
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inthelab, I love you for that.
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georgiaprof
Exhausted
Senior member
Posts: 943
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« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2009, 12:36:50 PM » |
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That's tough. I have what should be my dream job and my spouse was excited to come. However, once he got here, he couldn't find work and eventually settled for something with a substantial commute. He goes through cycles as to whether he likes it here or hates it. I am absolutely miserable when he hates it... I have no real advice to give. I can only wish you luck in the decision making process.
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msparticularity
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« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2009, 02:14:23 PM » |
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First, congratulations on the job! And I'm sorry your spouse isn't able to share your excitement about it right now--can I offer you some virtual champagne? :)
And I wouldn't panic too much yet about your spouse's reaction. It sounds like the reality hadn't really hit when you discussed it over the weekend, and now the "Oh, no, this is real!" has arrived. Moving is a huge, huge deal, and you're probably seeing your spouse having a whole lot of feeling about leaving where you are now.
I would suggest sympathizing with/validating your spouse's concerns-- without backtracking on whether you should take the job, though. Yes, it will be a major adjustment, and yes, it will require looking for employment in a rough economy. (This makes it even more exciting that you were able to get your dream job, I think.)
Hang in there, and hopefully your spouse will be able to process this huge hit of the emotions and get around to feeling excited for you again.
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"Once admit that the sole verifiable or fruitful object of knowledge is the particular set of changes that generate the object of study...and no intelligible question can be asked about what, by assumption, lies outside." John Dewey
"Be particular." Jill Conner Browne
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boringmember
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« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2009, 11:18:24 PM » |
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Does the university have an office to deal with dual career couples? I usually bring up my spouse in interviews (only when talking to the Dean) and it hasn't been a big deal. People are pretty helpful in asking around etc...
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mathprof08
Junior member
Posts: 66
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« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2009, 08:52:52 AM » |
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Thanks guys! I'm following just about everyone's advice. I let A vent about all possible bad scenarios, then we talked about how we could be proactive about them. Turns out A just had a horrible horrible day yesterday all around, so that explains the attitude a bit more.
We are contacting a head-hunter. I talked to my soon-to-be department chair and he put me in touch with the school internship coordinator to find out what types of businesses have relationships with the school. Another professor sent me a list of some of the big businesses in the area. It's a SLAC, so it isn't really feasible to ask them to offer A a job and even if they could, I doubt they could offer the salary we are hoping for.
So, yay!! Thanks for the virtual bubbly!
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boringmember
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« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2009, 09:57:44 AM » |
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That's great! At least you have some direction and guidance in finding your SO something.
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smokecity
New member
Posts: 24
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« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2009, 11:08:25 AM » |
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Congrats mathprof08! It's definitely a blessing to have had such an outcome in this economy. I know quite a few people who are very nervous right now.
I also got my dream job, at an elite SLAC. I take it your spouse is not an academic -- neither is my wife, and I am looking at the same problem. It's been necessary, I think, to remain positive about the situation and realize that she may be taking a slight pay cut (though I will be experiencing about a 300% raise from my grad student salary!).
We have also agreed that if I got my dream job after all this, it wouldn't be so bad for me to commute an hour to get there. That has certainly widened the neighborhood in which we can search. One of my job offers (which I ultimately didn't take) was *totally* isolated (think 2 hours from the middle of nowhere), and even there we had some hope that we could eventually make it work. But we resigned ourselved to the fact that it would take some time.
I don't know if any of that helps, but it's always nice to commiserate!
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