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[spectacle]

I wish academia had trades. "Bob's just not a good fit for us here at River Road U. We'll send him over to you folks at Crossroads State, if you'll send us 2 adjuncts, a laptop and a bag of rocks."

I'm totally going to try to HOF this...

[mended_drum]

I wish academia had trades. "Bob's just not a good fit for us here at River Road U. We'll send him over to you folks at Crossroads State, if you'll send us 2 adjuncts, a laptop and a bag of rocks."

I'm afraid that if this were possible my dean would have traded me for an iPhone and a cool gadget to be named later.

[polly_mer]

I wish academia had trades. "Bob's just not a good fit for us here at River Road U. We'll send him over to you folks at Crossroads State, if you'll send us 2 adjuncts, a laptop and a bag of rocks."

I'm afraid that if this were possible my dean would have traded me for an iPhone and a cool gadget to be named later.

I'm getting to the point that I'm willing to offer a couple of cool gadgets to East Hooterville College, but they'll have to give me a job to get them.

Is there any way to do an analogy about the market that isn't related to sports or the lottery?  Neither of those will work with my family or friends and I'm tired of dealing with helpful suggestions like "If you apply for that secretary position, you'll have your foot in the door and can work your way up to professor".

[chomp96]

Is there any way to do an analogy about the market that isn't related to sports or the lottery?  Neither of those will work with my family or friends and I'm tired of dealing with helpful suggestions like "If you apply for that secretary position, you'll have your foot in the door and can work your way up to professor".

Health care perhaps?  No one became the chief of surgery at Johns Hopkins by starting there as an orderly or nurse's assistant.  Instead, they went to the best medical school, did a residency at a top place, received a fellowship (post-doc) to study one-on-one under one of the best in their subfield, and then got a permanent position at a respected hospital where they could start climbing the ladder.

[spectacle]

Is there any way to do an analogy about the market that isn't related to sports or the lottery?  Neither of those will work with my family or friends and I'm tired of dealing with helpful suggestions like "If you apply for that secretary position, you'll have your foot in the door and can work your way up to professor".

Hmmm... My first thought was something like American Idol, but I'm not sure I can make the metaphor work all the way through...

[canadatourismguy]

I wish academia had trades. "Bob's just not a good fit for us here at River Road U. We'll send him over to you folks at Crossroads State, if you'll send us 2 adjuncts, a laptop and a bag of rocks."

I'm afraid that if this were possible my dean would have traded me for an iPhone and a cool gadget to be named later.

I'm getting to the point that I'm willing to offer a couple of cool gadgets to East Hooterville College, but they'll have to give me a job to get them.

Is there any way to do an analogy about the market that isn't related to sports or the lottery?  Neither of those will work with my family or friends and I'm tired of dealing with helpful suggestions like "If you apply for that secretary position, you'll have your foot in the door and can work your way up to professor".

I go with a theatre analogy.  Just because you sell tickets at the theatre doesn't mean they will let you on stage.  Also, there are different levels of theatre.  The truly best go on Broadway (like ivies) and can star.  Others who are close often can go on Broadway and end in the chorus and hopefully as a understudy.  Often these people have to leave Broadway and perform elsewhere for a chance to shine and be a star.  Some people are just talented enough to do dinner theatre (or cruise ships)...some even need to resort to teaching...(just kidding!!!)  If you keep going with this analogy it actually works. 

CTG

PS One more.  Job searches are like auditions.  The best person does not always get the part but the best 'fit' will.

[menotti]

I go with a theatre analogy.  Just because you sell tickets at the theatre doesn't mean they will let you on stage.  Also, there are different levels of theatre.  The truly best go on Broadway (like ivies) and can star.  Others who are close often can go on Broadway and end in the chorus and hopefully as a understudy.  Often these people have to leave Broadway and perform elsewhere for a chance to shine and be a star.  Some people are just talented enough to do dinner theatre (or cruise ships)...some even need to resort to teaching...(just kidding!!!)  If you keep going with this analogy it actually works. 

CTG

PS One more.  Job searches are like auditions.  The best person does not always get the part but the best 'fit' will.

And, actors usually need to move to make a living.  You don't get to be geographically limited to someplace without professional theater, and often you have to move (at least short-term) to put together enough gigs to make money.

[kaysixteen]

Sports draft analogy ok, but weak in several respects:

1)jocks have no 'tenure', and very short careers.  Today's Consensus Number One Draftpick may very well be parking cars well before Obama leaves office, esp. if he gets reelected.  OTOH, if Marginal College picks a prof, gives him tenure, they are stuck with him for forty years, and no one else gets to get his job, no matter how much better.

2)Draft picks do actually have to sign with the team that gets their rights, whereas academic stars get to play the field, with the rest of us left looking for whatever....

3) There is no such analogy, really, to an adjunct, in big-time sports.

[airball]

Hmmm... My first thought was something like American Idol, but I'm not sure I can make the metaphor work all the way through...

Not least because AI's problem is a dearth of talent, while academia's is a surplus.

Getting a tenure-track job is like getting your PGA Tour card, allowing you to play full-time, and for the big money.  Otherwise, you're don the satellite (minor-league) tours or relying on sponsor's exemptions to play part-time (like an adjunct at a big-name institution).

There is a multi-step process to get your tour card, but the last phase is the infamous "Q School" (qualifying tournament), in which the top players earn spots.  The competition at the 108-hole Q School is very stiff, as many of those competing have been on the big tour before (just as you might be competing with candidates who have already held a TT position).  I've read that the players say the pressure at the Q School is more intense than at even the US Open.

I like this, the competition is fierce, and it also is worth noting that nobody's ever heard of most pro golfers. The ones who own their own jets are a minority of the very best. Anyone heard of Philip Archer or Lucas Glover? They are pros who played in the final round of the British Open last year.

But it also might work to think of it like a single golf tournament.

First, just to get into the tournament itself, you have to knock yourself silly to get through Q-School/grad school.

Second, you're one of about 150 players/applicants, so statistically speaking every tournament is a long-shot.

Third, it takes a ton of luck. One bad bounce, one beautiful shot that hits the pin and ricochets into the water, one tee-shot that splits the fairway but winds up in a divot, and you're done. One fumbled question, one bad economy, once canceled search, and so's your job hunt.

The main difference is that second place in a major golf tournament is worth a lot of money. Second place in a job search is an appointment with a temp agency.

[charlieinthebox]

I go with a theatre analogy.  Just because you sell tickets at the theatre doesn't mean they will let you on stage.  Also, there are different levels of theatre.  The truly best go on Broadway (like ivies) and can star.  Others who are close often can go on Broadway and end in the chorus and hopefully as a understudy.  Often these people have to leave Broadway and perform elsewhere for a chance to shine and be a star.  Some people are just talented enough to do dinner theatre (or cruise ships)...some even need to resort to teaching...(just kidding!!!)  If you keep going with this analogy it actually works. 

CTG

PS One more.  Job searches are like auditions.  The best person does not always get the part but the best 'fit' will.

This may work to describe academia (not really, though), but it isn't at all the way the theater world works. 

The problem with most of these models is that they are primarily based on talent.  The way to get drafted in the NFL is to be very talented.  And for sports with a minor league system (NHL, MLB), you stay in the majors through production.  No production, no spot on the team.

In academia, there is a more level playing field of talent, everyone is good, very few are great.  So getting a job is also built on connections, perception and a great deal of luck.  In that way, it may be more like theater, but the breakdowns between Broadway, Off Broadway, Regional, dinner theater are about 50 years out of date.  Film and Television are more one end of the spectrum, with Broadway becoming increasingly a strange offshoot.  I'm not sure what the equivalent of experimental theater would be in the academic world.  That may more accurately reflect the theater world, but it doesn't really help explain academia.

[locutus]

Some of the weaknesses in the sports analogy can be ironed out.

Tenure: There is tenure in sports. Sort of. A long term contract at least keeps you paid even if you become deadweight (see Stephan Maburry).

Adjuncts: In the NBA players can be give 10-day contracts that are basically no security. You could also think of practice players as adjuncts, though I'm not sure that works as well.

Draft: Academia is more of a mix between a straight up draft and free agency. Though sports drafts aren't as clearly a draft as they may seem. A few years ago in the NFL a player decided he didn't want to play for the team that drafted him and did effectively get to play the field.

"If you apply for that secretary position, you'll have your foot in the door and can work your way up to professor".

Oh My. I don't think there's anything I can do with that.

[sibyl]

I like the combine analogy best.  Teams also "bring in" their top candidates for individual workouts and interviews (this is the interview in academia), but the team only drafts one of these candidates, and the candidate can't do anything to guarantee that they will be drafted by their preferred employer.

However, the Q School analogy is also a very good one, because it describes the peculiar combination of luck and hard work and pressure that is the academic job search.

The MLB/NHL analogies work better in the humanities because there is the period of the "minor leagues" -- meaning adjuncting and VAPing -- which is increasingly common for most humanities fields.  But the limitation of this analogy is the connection between the minor league team and the major league job; most players move "up or out" in the system and get a particular job, while in academia every "minor leaguer" becomes a minor league free agent every year.

The American Idol analogy isn't bad either, because sometimes the best singers don't outlast the best entertainers, and the job goes to the person preferred by the people and not the person "who wants it the most", and sometimes Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry has a better career than Fantasia Barrino or Taylor Hicks.

Analogies are always successful right up to the point where they stop being successful.  There are no perfect analogies.  The main thing is to get Mom and Dad to realize that getting hired at Stanford is not like getting hired at Macy's.

[spectacle]

Resurrecting my own thread for a very good reason.  My poor SO has been screaming at his father on the phone for the past hour.  We go through this every year when my SO tries to explain the job market to his parents. 

Why?  Because he doesn't use the NFL analogy.  I'm gesticulating wildly to the football game on TV right now.  Use the NFL combine analogy!  Do it!  It will save you hours of time and tons of grief.

Anyone come up with any other useful analogies or ways of explaining the horrors of the academic job market in the past year?

[temporaryname]

Resurrecting my own thread for a very good reason.  My poor SO has been screaming at his father on the phone for the past hour.  We go through this every year when my SO tries to explain the job market to his parents. 

Why?  Because he doesn't use the NFL analogy.  I'm gesticulating wildly to the football game on TV right now.  Use the NFL combine analogy!  Do it!  It will save you hours of time and tons of grief.

Anyone come up with any other useful analogies or ways of explaining the horrors of the academic job market in the past year?

"It's a really bad year for unemployment, and so schools set up lots of weird hoops to jump through" doesn't work this year, of all years?

[songsofexperience]

I go with the house hunt analogy:

The SC are looking for a house and they have a long list from the MLS to go through to find what they want which is: 4 beds, 3 baths, 2 car garage, 1 acre of land, fenced in, pool, quiet street and so forth.

So they go through the MLS listings for 100 houses and they start crossing off the ones they know won't work: only 2 bedrooms, only 1 bathroom, no yard, and so on. Now, a few make it onto the list that maybe only have 3 bedrooms because there is a "bonus" room over the garage or a fully finished basement.

They really need to find a house because they looked last year but their credit score wasn't great and they couldn't get a loan so had to call off their house-hunt. They feel confident that this year will go well.

Armed with a list of 10-15 houses the SC goes to see them but it takes time to schedule all these viewings.
They walk into one and it is all run down and needs major renovations which they have neither time nor money to do so that's off the list.
Another one turns out to back up onto a very busy road, another has water damage and so on.

In the end, they cut their list down to 3 houses, all of which they like.

They love one house because it has a brand new, open kitchen with granite and stainless steel and a huge pantry. It only has 3 bedrooms and a bonus room though.

They love another because it has original hardwood floors and high ceilings. The kitchen is not as shiny and new as the first house but there is something really charming about this house and the kitchen isn't too bad. It has all the other items on their wish list.

The third house is completely renovated with new kitchen, baths, everything but it has an odd layout and the SC has some questions about fit - they like to entertain and this house is really choppy with lots of walls but then again, everything is shiny and new!

Anyone of the 3 house would work - some members of the SC prefer one house over the others and some prefer another. They have to argue about it, weighting pros and cons. Maybe they go back for another visit. It's tough! They like all 3 houses and all 3 bring something great to the table.

They finally settle on house number 2 because it has everything they asked for and they can always redo the kitchen later. Now they have to put an offer in the house but first they have to ask the bank manager for a loan approval. They can put a bid in on the house but it could all fall through if their financing doesn't come through. They might also have to compete for the house because another SC has found the same house and wants it too.

They also need to do an inspection. If the house had major problems (like a criminal record) they won't buy it.

Finally, the financing comes through and their offer is accepted because they offered more money than the other SC they and didn't ask for closing costs.

They've bought a house! It took them months of looking but they've bought one.

The house is very happy and takes its friends out for drinks.