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[zigzagmyway]

My relative put me at this professor's home who was from my home country when I first came to USA. I was 21 years old. The man won't let me eat and acted  creepy. Then he offered me hard liquor and insisted that I drink it. I asked him I wanted to move out of his home and If he could give me a ride to my dorm. But he intimidated me making threatning facial gestures. I felt helpless and desperate. I didn't tell this to my relative. And the professor acted nice in front of my relative as If he had been really nice.
Then he convinced my relative that I should stay at his friend's university apartment. My relative again put me for a few days at this professor's home. The professor invited his friend and me to watch adulty movie and he acted strangely and depressed at times explaining what was going on! I felt repulsed.
I again did not tell my relative.
The professor had convinced my relative that I should live with his friend. His friend gave me keys to the apartment and went to his/mine home country. A few days later another professor brought his student and put him along with me. But the guy who gave me the keys said only I was to be his roommate.
This student locked the apartment on me one day when I came back from the classes. He began insulting me. Then the professor who put me in that apartment told me that I should now move out but semseter had already started and it would have been hard to find a place to live. Then the professor
informed me that university does not allow roommates to live together in that apartment! I told him You must come along with me and inform the University that you put me up there. The professor send his wife instead with me. In front of the housing director his wife said "I was forcibly living there."
One housing clerk shouted at me and said ,"If we had our way Sir , we would have thrown you out." Many years later those words still ring in my ears.
Something happened to me. I broke up internally from which I never recovered. My grades dropped and I lost all interest in anything and everything. Nothing made me happy. Then they told me that I should move out of that apartment I asked them if they could give me one closer to the University. They said they didn't have any but I knew from talking to some students that they did have a few and no one was wanting them at that time. They gave me one 2 miles away from the buildings where I had the classes. I didn't have a car and so I walked 4 miles every day.
I know if I hadn't met this professor, things would have been better for me. I know many would say that is not a good excuse but one has to consider the sheltered background I was coming from. This creep and his wife behaved as if nothing had happened. Then this guy who had me as his roommate came back from his home country (mine too) and told the professor that he had things missing from his apartment. I said you can come to my place and look for yourself, I haven't taken anything. This guy then had his friends call me several times hassling me. I filed complaint at the assistant dean's office but nothing happened and this guy and his friends continued to hassle me. The assistant dean told me curtly that this guy was a physics phd student and hung up!
Then on top of this this guy and the other student who was put up with me became roommates at the same apartment the housing threw me out of after I had went there to clear things up.
I complained to housing that these 2 were living illegally in university housing but they ignored me! I was told that these 2 people were Physics majors!

[tuxedo_cat]

Hi zigzag -- sounds like you've been through a pretty miserable experience.  If I understand correctly, are you a grad student?  In that case, I'm going to request that the moderators move your thread over to the Forum on grad student life.  If you're still an undergraduate, that's ok.  That's still probably a better forum.

About your post:  are you asking for advice?  Are you just venting?  Are you still in the middle of this crisis or was it a long time ago?  It's hard to tell.  If you are still a student, there are definitely people on campus who can help you out with the logistical housing problems, and then others whom you could go speak with about the disturbing effects of all these experiences.  But we need a few, clear details about your current situation and what you need.

[john_proctor]

My relative put me at this professor's home who was from my home country when I first came to USA. I was 21 years old. The man won't let me eat and acted  creepy. Then he offered me hard liquor and insisted that I drink it. I asked him I wanted to move out of his home and If he could give me a ride to my dorm. But he intimidated me making threatning facial gestures. I felt helpless and desperate. I didn't tell this to my relative. And the professor acted nice in front of my relative as If he had been really nice.
Then he convinced my relative that I should stay at his friend's university apartment. My relative again put me for a few days at this professor's home. The professor invited his friend and me to watch adulty movie and he acted strangely and depressed at times explaining what was going on! I felt repulsed.
I again did not tell my relative.
The professor had convinced my relative that I should live with his friend. His friend gave me keys to the apartment and went to his/mine home country. A few days later another professor brought his student and put him along with me. But the guy who gave me the keys said only I was to be his roommate.
This student locked the apartment on me one day when I came back from the classes. He began insulting me. Then the professor who put me in that apartment told me that I should now move out but semseter had already started and it would have been hard to find a place to live. Then the professor
informed me that university does not allow roommates to live together in that apartment! I told him You must come along with me and inform the University that you put me up there. The professor send his wife instead with me. In front of the housing director his wife said "I was forcibly living there."
One housing clerk shouted at me and said ,"If we had our way Sir , we would have thrown you out." Many years later those words still ring in my ears.
Something happened to me. I broke up internally from which I never recovered. My grades dropped and I lost all interest in anything and everything. Nothing made me happy. Then they told me that I should move out of that apartment I asked them if they could give me one closer to the University. They said they didn't have any but I knew from talking to some students that they did have a few and no one was wanting them at that time. They gave me one 2 miles away from the buildings where I had the classes. I didn't have a car and so I walked 4 miles every day.
I know if I hadn't met this professor, things would have been better for me. I know many would say that is not a good excuse but one has to consider the sheltered background I was coming from. This creep and his wife behaved as if nothing had happened. Then this guy who had me as his roommate came back from his home country (mine too) and told the professor that he had things missing from his apartment. I said you can come to my place and look for yourself, I haven't taken anything. This guy then had his friends call me several times hassling me. I filed complaint at the assistant dean's office but nothing happened and this guy and his friends continued to hassle me. The assistant dean told me curtly that this guy was a physics phd student and hung up!
Then on top of this this guy and the other student who was put up with me became roommates at the same apartment the housing threw me out of after I had went there to clear things up.
I complained to housing that these 2 were living illegally in university housing but they ignored me! I was told that these 2 people were Physics majors!

And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.

[promovenda]

Troll. His grammar is all over the place, but his spelling is excellent.

[pocksuppet]

Troll. His grammar is all over the place, but his spelling is excellent.

The disconnect between the spelling and grammar couldn't possibly have anything to do with the forum interface having a built-in spell-checker, could it?

[psyche74]

Zigzag, it seems possible that your lack of familiarity with this culture might have been an issue here. I had a difficult time understanding your post because of your grammatical errors, so it is likely that some miscommunications have occurred in your 'speaking' world as well. I would suggest finding someone who has some familiarity with the issues you have described and asking them if they would take the time to help you understand everything that has happened (from others' perspective). If it has been a series of miscommunications/misunderstandings, that might help. I would at least consider it as a possibility. Good luck!

[tuxedo_cat]

Troll. His grammar is all over the place, but his spelling is excellent.

Unlikely.  Only reality is this messy.  No one would bother to come up with such details merely to be trollish or entertain the rest of us.

[kedves]

Troll. His grammar is all over the place, but his spelling is excellent.

Unlikely.  Only reality is this messy.  No one would bother to come up with such details merely to be trollish or entertain the rest of us.

Yes, I agree.  This is "many years later," according to the account, and still traumatic.

Zigzag, I hope that will will find a professional counselor who can help you talk about and come to an understanding of this  memory that will allow you to lessen its bad effects.  Best wishes.

[born2late]

Has anyone said "warts" yet?

[promovenda]

Troll. His grammar is all over the place, but his spelling is excellent.

The disconnect between the spelling and grammar couldn't possibly have anything to do with the forum interface having a built-in spell-checker, could it?

I maybe wrong about his/her alleged (by me) troll-ity. However, the forum has printed MY inadvertent spelling errors!!

[pocksuppet]

Troll. His grammar is all over the place, but his spelling is excellent.

The disconnect between the spelling and grammar couldn't possibly have anything to do with the forum interface having a built-in spell-checker, could it?

I maybe wrong about his/her alleged (by me) troll-ity. However, the forum has printed MY inadvertent spelling errors!!

Yu gotz to louk fer da red squglez, it duznt shange anyting oughtomatikly.

[promovenda]

Well then, I stand by my initial impression. Troll in the dungeon!

[bread_pirate_naan]

Zigzag, I hope that will will find a professional counselor who can help you talk about and come to an understanding of this  memory that will allow you to lessen its bad effects.  Best wishes.

Zigzag, I hope that will will find a professional counselor who can help you talk about and come to an understanding of this trolling that will allow you to lessen its bad effects.  Best wishes.

[zigzagmyway]

I am venting.
I am not a troll. I am sorry you got that impression. And I did not use the spellcheck and didn't knew they had a spellcheck on this web site. Unless you are me, you would not know the full story and feel what I felt.
Later I found out that it didn't matter if I told my relative what this professor was doing. Because my relative told me in no uncertain terms that "he wanted to USE this professor." My relative actually verbally abused me in front of this professor at times. He would not let me transfer from that university. Every day, every hour, and I am not exaggerating this, while I was at that university, I wanted to go somewhere else, to some other university.
Let me give you just 1 example of the character of this Professor. One day, I went to my relative's house in this professor's van. His wife was sitting in front. And I was sitting in the back with my cousin who was a lady of 21 years age. Along with my cousin.  The professor began chatting. He said ,"those soldiers from country(home) who went to liberate(term agreeed to by the liberated country) another country from the enemy raped the native women!" As he uttered this, he looked at me in the driver's main mirror and knowingly smiled. I felt repulsed, repulsed for him saying this and repulsed for him smiling at this, I felt repulsed for him uttering those shameful words, uttering them in front of his wife, my cousin, and me. I never wanted to see this man from my experience with him in the first few days when my relative put me at his home and I blame my relative for inventing ways and excuses for making me interact with him. I was told by my relative that since this university is secluded, I had to depend on this professor. I blame myself for being spineless by not just packing up and moving back to my home country. I blame myself for keeping quiet for too long while this professor was playing mind games with me.

[tuxedo_cat]

Hi again zig zag -- it's still not quite clear what your current situation is as a student or resident in the U.S.  It sounds like being able to vent here is somewhat helpful to you.  However, if your aim is to move beyond this experience so that it doesn't dominate your mind so much, you need to vent to someone who can provide either (a) professional counseling support or (b) some sympathy from having faced similar experiences as a recent immigrant and learned how to cope with them.

I have a feeling most people here might say go for (a), finding a professional counselor or therapist.  If you are still a student or working on a campus, you should be able to find that support for free or a small fee.  This may be helpful, so it is worth investigating.

I'm inclined to think that (b) may be a better first option for you.  This is based on my experience working with some recent female immigrants to the US, ones who had experienced a lot of violence in their home country.  It sounds like you have some family contacts here, but not helpful ones (that one manipulative relative sounds pretty bad).  Have you been able to make some contacts with others like yourself, people who have recently moved to the U.S. from your home country? 

Is there a church congregation or place of worship nearby that includes other immigrants like you?  Connecting with a local church was extremely important for the young women I knew; they met others who have struggled with the same problems adjusting, and they provided social support so that they were much less vulnerable to people who might take advantage of them.  Even if you're not a religious person, it is worth investigating this.  I don't think the church members will care one way or the other what you believe; they will likely be very generous and concerned to help you improve your situation.

I'm sorry you have encountered such prejudiced and horribly unkind people so far.  But there are definitely others in your community who will treat you with greater respect and compassion.  You just may need to seek them out.  Good luck.