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[thenewyorker]

But I do not choose between the fora and other social interactions - I choose between the fora and TV or a bad novel. Sometimes between the fora and actually working, but that is a whole other issue.

Ha! Exactly.

I have a blog and a hi5 account that keeps me in touch with a specific community, but I am not sure I want to have FB, twitter or other accounts that would be more geared to interacting with my students.

I do like FB and I have nothing to do with any students on there. People you are not "friends" with cannot see anything about your postings or activity. I had a big fear about that at first. But now that I understand how it works I am very comfortable using it. I am in my early 40s and the folks on there that I communicate with are all around my age. It has been a great way for us to stay in touch. You can also say no to folks who want to friend you that you do not want to friend. You control who you interact with on the site.

[juanb]

Here's a link to a recent news story about a surgeon twitting DURING an operation:

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/02/17/twitter.surgery/index.html

[verbena]

Here's a link to a recent news story about a surgeon twitting DURING an operation:

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/02/17/twitter.surgery/index.html

What a twit.

[menotti]

If the people in the group can't be bothered with a minimally inconvenient thing like writing a letter or making a call to a specific person, do you really think those people have the level of commitment to sit with you in the hospital, stay with you to help out during a bad patch, or lend you money/equipment/transportation when you need it?  I think not.  These young people don't understand that the important part of being friends is the time spent together with shared experiences (i.e., together in the same place at the same time interacting) that lead to overlapping lives.   I worry that the parallel lives of "I'm walking to class; you're at the food court" won't be strong enough when push comes to shove.

I think this is an excellent description of what's wrong (IMHO) with the cell phone/Facebook/Twitter I'm-connected-all-the-time mindset. These folks aren't really connected and don't have a shared history or experiences that will help them through a bad patch, or give them joy in person when warranted. There are people I've written to online for up to 10 years, but I don't consider them really friends like the ones I have lunch with once a month or so.
The Fiona

I won't speak to online-only friends, but I don't see the criticism of staying in frequent contact with people you know.  (I hear this criticism about cell phones as well.)  I personally am not very good about it, but it strikes me that it's actually been more usual, historically, to know the day-to-day details of one's friends' lives than not.  Our lifestyle of moving cross-country and communicating by the occasional letter is a pretty modern one.  And if you're in touch about the small things, you're more likely to know about the big ones.  I had a good friend from grad school who moved away and who I basically only keep in touch with via her blog - but that's how I found out her mother had died. I wouldn't have known to send a sympathy note, otherwise. It's also much easier to restart a friendship if you have some idea of what the person's life has been like in the meantime.  Another old friend was in my town for a conference, and we had more to say to each other because we'd been posting occasional updates on Facebook.  If she'd just come to town, I probably wouldn't have discussed the building next to my office burning down, but that was the sort of minor detail that we talked about and can form a connection.

If it's not your thing, it's not.  I'm not criticizing people who don't participate.  But a lot of the criticism tends to sound like, "Kids these days don't have real friends!" while their interactions don't seem any more shallow than the previous generation's.

[scheherazade]

Verbena is posting on this thread.

Scheherazade is laughing at this!

I finally got dragged into FB by my siblings, and I've reconnected with several people I'd thought about frequently in the past.  It isn't a way to maintain deep relationships, but I don't think anyone uses it as such.  My close friends and family and I also call and email regularly.  FB is just another quick way to stay in touch, as well as keep ties with all those other people I don't have the time or inclination to constantly keep track of.

[sikora]

My friends on FB are friends and family in real life; I did not meet them on line. There are times when a long email, a letter, or a call is more appropriate, true.  But I find the daily goofing around aspect to FB, well, fun, all very silly, true, but enjoyable.  There's a ludic quality to it, and play is one way people maintain relationships.

FB is not a substitute for real life socializing.  One of my new friends from the CNA class is not on FB, another is. 

[bio_postdoc]

I won't speak to online-only friends, but I don't see the criticism of staying in frequent contact with people you know.  (I hear this criticism about cell phones as well.)  I personally am not very good about it, but it strikes me that it's actually been more usual, historically, to know the day-to-day details of one's friends' lives than not.  Our lifestyle of moving cross-country and communicating by the occasional letter is a pretty modern one.  And if you're in touch about the small things, you're more likely to know about the big ones. 

This is my favorite thing about Facebook--keeping up with the minor, day-to-day happenings that I usually hear about from friends who are physically close, but not  from those across the country (or on the other side of the globe) who I keep up with by monthly phone calls and/or emails.  I'm talking about the grad school housemates who I no longer get to chat with every evening in the living room, or the college classmates who I ate lunch with every day for four years, etc.; it's obviously not quite the same as back then, but it's better than pre-Facebook.

It's also been good for keeping up with the extended family (well, mostly the younger cousins)--which cousin won her track meet, photos of the newest baby, how the college searches are going, etc.

Reconnecting with grade school classmates who I haven't seen in 20 years is fun, too, but wouldn't be enough to keep me checking in daily. 

[kedves]

On Facebook, what do you say to people who want to friend you, but whom you don't want to friend?  Or do you say anything?

[bio_postdoc]

On Facebook, what do you say to people who want to friend you, but whom you don't want to friend?  Or do you say anything?

So far, I haven't said anything to the mystery person who, based on her high school graduation date and the identity of a mutual friend must have been from the class behind me in grade school.  Her last name has changed, and I'm not quite sure who she is.  My inclination is to just ignore the request (though I did send a message to the mutual friend asking for some memory help).

For a student, I would respond with a message saying that I have a policy of not friending students while they're still at my university.

[scheherazade]

On Facebook, what do you say to people who want to friend you, but whom you don't want to friend?  Or do you say anything?

If it's not someone you're likely to run into, just hit ignore and move on.  If it's someone you see in RL, send a message as well to diplomatically explain why.  If that's impossible, I guess you can just pretend the request never happened.

[polly_mer]

I won't speak to online-only friends, but I don't see the criticism of staying in frequent contact with people you know.  (I hear this criticism about cell phones as well.)  I personally am not very good about it, but it strikes me that it's actually been more usual, historically, to know the day-to-day details of one's friends' lives than not.  Our lifestyle of moving cross-country and communicating by the occasional letter is a pretty modern one.  And if you're in touch about the small things, you're more likely to know about the big ones. 

This is my favorite thing about Facebook--keeping up with the minor, day-to-day happenings that I usually hear about from friends who are physically close, but not  from those across the country (or on the other side of the globe) who I keep up with by monthly phone calls and/or emails.  I'm talking about the grad school housemates who I no longer get to chat with every evening in the living room, or the college classmates who I ate lunch with every day for four years, etc.; it's obviously not quite the same as back then, but it's better than pre-Facebook.

It's also been good for keeping up with the extended family (well, mostly the younger cousins)--which cousin won her track meet, photos of the newest baby, how the college searches are going, etc.

Reconnecting with grade school classmates who I haven't seen in 20 years is fun, too, but wouldn't be enough to keep me checking in daily. 

Well, ok, but what about the levels of friends?

The grade school people really don't need to know every little detail, but I agree that it might be interesting to reconnect a little.  However, I am certainly not going to maintain separate pages for people I only care about a little, far-flung extended family and friends from other stages of life, and dear friends with whom I do want to share every little detail.

I guess I could deal with it as I do my fora interactions.  Some things are posted to the appropriate "we're sharing our lives" thread and some things are send by PM, but I already do that and see no reason to add another method when I already have email, the fora, the phone, and visits to keep in contact with people.  If anything I need fewer people in my life who need frequent updates, not another venue for people from my past to track me down and attempt to reestablish a relationship that was only based on proximity.

[kedves]

Bio Postdoc and Scheherazade, thank you for the advice earlier.

[verbena]

Verbena is posting on this thread.

Scheherazade is laughing at this!

Verbena is pleased to have made you laugh!

[thenewyorker]

Thenewyorker is procrastinating by reading the fora.

Sadly this could probably be all of my facebook status updates.

[bread_pirate_naan]

Collaborators of mine who work on/in/with social media agree [with me] it is stupid to have a facebook account [...] people are supposedly empowered by such forms of self determination, but for all the freedom and 'controls', much more information about the user is produced/disclosed that allows better targeted persuasion and deeper entanglement with a system that serves markets, not users.

Like I said.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/08/business/08digi.html