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[adgrl]

My advisor for my PhD has been really taking me for a ride over the past year. I don't want to get too specific (heck, what if they're creeping around here?) She is very insulting, but has nominated me for financial aid. She yells at me about the most insignificant things, and she doesn't listen to me and what I'm interested in at all. I am seriously not happy with my relationship with her, and I really don't see how I can successfully complete a doctorate with someone like this.
The problem is, my department is very small, and I'm afraid that if I switch advisors, it would be a huge political landmine for me. I've also considered applying to other institutions, or even taking a break altogether.
I guess my question is - what is your relationship like with your advisor, and how has it benefited or hindered you?
Also, what would you do if you had an advisor like this?

[sugaree]

I don't understand what "nominated me for financial aid" means or why that is a problem?

OP, there are many academics who survive strained relationships with their advisors. Is the behavior you describe recent or has it been ongoing since you've known her? If it is recent, perhaps she is experiencing some personal or research-related issues in her own life and it has nothing to do with you? Or, perhaps you have been trying her patience for so long that she has decided it's time for some tough love? If this pattern of behavior - perhaps embellished in this post, perhaps not - has been ongoing, why did you choose to work with this person?

One thing you're correct about is that switching advisors is (esp. in a small dept.) is a landmine you want to avoid. Keep your head down, do what she asks and do it better than she expects. Try not resent her but think about it as training to make you a better scholar. My advisor was super-tough (I never cried in front of her, but she did make me cry a couple of times - I always made it out of her office, though). I didn't appreciate her approach at the beginning, but my work was made much better because of her and I can see that far more clearly today now that I have finished and gotten a job and published, etc. You're still in training; accept what you do not know, jump through your hoops, survive and be better for it.

[adgrl]

By financial aid, I mean fellowship - she has been so insulting to me from day to day and then she nominated me for a fellowship. It isn't a problem, but it really shows a level of unpredictability.
Also, she has been like this with me for about half of the year out of a full year. She does treat other advisees like this, too. Perhaps you're right about the tough love thing, but I see it much more related to personality.

[sciencephd]

Are you kidding ?   SWITCH ADVISORS !

[unspoiled]

I don't understand what "nominated me for financial aid" means or why that is a problem?

Or, perhaps you have been trying her patience for so long that she has decided it's time for some tough love?

Keep your head down, do what she asks and do it better than she expects. Try not resent her but think about it as training to make you a better scholar. My advisor was super-tough (I never cried in front of her, but she did make me cry a couple of times - I always made it out of her office, though). I didn't appreciate her approach at the beginning, but my work was made much better because of her and I can see that far more clearly today now that I have finished and gotten a job and published, etc. You're still in training; accept what you do not know, jump through your hoops, survive and be better for it.

You must be joking.  Just because you suffered there is no reason why someone else should.  Training is supposed to mean education, not submission.  And it sounds like you're suspecting the victim here, if not blaming the victim.  This student is being the victim of abusive behavior, whether her work is academically adequate or not.

[sugaree]

Fine, what do I know?

OP, switch advisors toute suite. Ruin your reputation with flakiness, make an enemy out of a potentially important ally and possibly undermine your own work with inferior (yet happy fun time) research and production.

[john_proctor]

I switched advisors during the prospectus change.

It was the road choice that "made all the difference."  Really.  Couldn't have been a better choice.

That said, I spent about a year screwing up the courage for it.  Then talking it over with others (including the new advisor choice-who suggested the route I took for the change).

I met with Advisor A and had a serious conversation about what kind of work I was wanting to do and what kind of expertise such a project would require.  I was honest and frank, though also not derogatory (very much the "well, there's the x approach - read: Advisor A's - which is certainly useful.  But my prior training, future plans, and current interests really are pushing me toward y - Advisor B's, then my second reader, forte).

Mutual agreement.

Still, there was some fallout.  I had to go outside for a third reader (Advisor A really didn't want to do it) and I've never gotten a l.o.r. from him/her.  I also had to ensure I had a broad campus and off-campus support net of mentors, advocates, et al.

What I learned was: sometimes you ain't the only one thinking "this just isn't working."  Not every advisor will begrudge your switching horses (indeed, some may be quietly wishing you'll realize the need for it yourself).

Pays to be open (though, again, never derogatory).

[scheherazade]

Are you sure your advisor is abusive?  To play devil's advocate, it's possible that you have a thin skin and aren't accustomed to the abrasiveness that is typical in academia.  I've taken - and ought out - pretty blunt criticism of my work that would probably seem incredibly mean to most of the nonacademics I know.  You say she yells at you about insignificant things, but is it possible you simply don't realize how significant it is?  You also say she doesn't listen to you and what you're interested in, but it's possible she is frustrated with your inability to understand what is required of a grad student.

I'm not saying you're wrong in your interpretation, but we don't know you well enough and don't have enough details to really judge this situation.  I suggest trying to salvage things first.  First, speak to some of her advisees who are ahead of you.  Ask them their advice.  Secondly, sit down with your advisor.  Acknowledge that your relationship seems to be strained, and ask her what she thinks you should improve upon.  Explain that you feel you are not expressing your concerns to her (such and questions or "things in which you're interested") in an effective way, and try to move on from there.  it's important that you take the responsibility of the failed communication on yourself, even if you feel it is not true, in order to defuse the situation.  try to really listen to and accept what your advisor is saying.  When you have questions or concerns, write them down and refer to them when you talk to her.  Take notes and paraphrase back to be sure you understand.

If you truly try all of this, and the relationship still sucks terribly in six months, you can change advisors with a clear conscience.

[johnr]

Fine, what do I know?

OP, switch advisors toute suite. Ruin your reputation with flakiness, make an enemy out of a potentially important ally and possibly undermine your own work with inferior (yet happy fun time) research and production.

Yes, for god's sake, don't let your research be fun.  Everyone knows that all superior research and production should make you miserable!

[canadatourismguy]

Here is my suggestion.  Sit down and really think about the critques you are being given. 

My advisor used to yell at me because I screwed up colons and semi-colons.  At first I thought she was being unreasonable but now when I look back, she we trying to make me understand that details are important (and they are in this business).  My major weakness coming into my PhD program was my writing and I am a much better researcher and scholar because of her.  That being said, there were days when I wanted to throttle her but in general, I have come to really appreciate and respect her efforts.

If your advisor is doing it because s/he thinks you need this to become a better scholar, then try to make it work.  If your advisor is doing it because they are on a power trip then that is a different story.  Then I suggest you jump ship (and go to another school).

CTG

[jackalope]

Meet with some former graduate students of this person and see if they have any advice or perspective.

[adgrl]

For the record, she hasn't seen any of my research yet. I am only part time doing introductory coursework. She is judging me on things like not reporting my grades to her (which doesn't make sense at all, I'm not academically in danger), hiding information from her (don't ask, I don't get that one either).
I have completed a master's, and I had a great relationship with the entire department. I worked directly under the chair as the department ga, and developed 'tough love' relationships with the whole faculty. I may have had an exceptionally positive experience in my master's, but somehow I think that what I'm going through now is abnormally negative.
I know academic culture isn't touchy feely, and I know how to take criticism when it comes to my work. But I'm not getting criticized by my work, or anything that I've actually done! I attend events in the department, and I am connected to other students as well as her advisees - some of her students love her, and other students go through what I'm going through with her.

[scheherazade]

For the record, she hasn't seen any of my research yet. I am only part time doing introductory coursework. She is judging me on things like not reporting my grades to her (which doesn't make sense at all, I'm not academically in danger), hiding information from her (don't ask, I don't get that one either).
I have completed a master's, and I had a great relationship with the entire department. I worked directly under the chair as the department ga, and developed 'tough love' relationships with the whole faculty. I may have had an exceptionally positive experience in my master's, but somehow I think that what I'm going through now is abnormally negative.
I know academic culture isn't touchy feely, and I know how to take criticism when it comes to my work. But I'm not getting criticized by my work, or anything that I've actually done! I attend events in the department, and I am connected to other students as well as her advisees - some of her students love her, and other students go through what I'm going through with her.

If she asks you to report your grades to her, then do it.  What's the issue?  If you're not doing that after she asks, then that's why she's accusing you of hiding information from her.

[adgrl]

She ISN'T asking! That's why I'm upset.

[sciencephd]

She ISN'T asking! That's why I'm upset.

Please elaborate.