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[scheherazade]

For the amounts of money you are quoting, check into in-house nannies.  You may be able to find one, especially if you only need one a few days a week.  It's possibly that there's a responsible college student there, or someone who wants a second job, etc., whose hours would jive with yours.  The advantages of an in-house person are that you don't have travel time, no issues when baby is sick, more one-on-one time, and more control over the environment.

We had an in-house person when my D was a baby, and it was absolutely wonderful.  We would have been rather screwed had w not, because D had a cold that lasted something like four months.  Her (very excellent) pediatrician said that it was not uncommon for that to happen with babies, but we would have been bumped from day care on many of those days.

There's nothing wrong with the day care or family care arrangement, but it's worth at least checking out a nanny.

[niceday]

The best scenario, in terms of getting writing done, is to leave the infant in the morning and return at the end of the work-day without visiting the infant during the day.  If you are going to be breastfeeding, this would mean pumping and storing your milk and then giving it to the caregiver to feed the baby. 

Correct me if I'm wrong. I was under the impression that dropping in to breastfeed (doable only non-teaching days if baby placed with nearby family-care place) would be more time efficient than pumping. Under all scenarios, baby would get expressed breast milk on teaching days since all daycare options are closer to home than work. (Colleague is selling me her Medela pump; I will buy new accessories). Dropping in was about saving me time. I may well be wrong. How much time does pumping take?

I am not against the idea of full-time care and will definitely end up in such a set up after baby is two. I'm undecided about the first year and possibly the second year. I'd like to wait and see but the waiting lists etc. means I have to kind of pre-decide and start making arrangements now or I won't even have the option.

Also: Just to be clear: I'm not looking to save money at the expense of baby's health and well-being! Existing baby's needs will come first; no question. And I have a great job and I would really like to keep it! I do want to separate real needs from needless spending and stuff pushed by the baby-industrial complex. Being so inexperienced, I'm not sure how to tell them apart.

I do really want to try for a sibling soon. Now, it may never happen because nicebaby may convince me otherwise or my age may interfere. Who knows? However, money is tight and affording two children is a bit of a stretch for my family. Doable, but a bit of a reach. We're otherwise *very* frugal. I would hate to decide against having a second kid simply because I ran out of money. (I'm totally fine if I decide that one is enough after having one. I'd be open to adoption if my fertility ran out and I somehow found the money to adopt the second.)

[niceday]

For the amounts of money you are quoting, check into in-house nannies.  You may be able to find one, especially if you only need one a few days a week.  It's possibly that there's a responsible college student there, or someone who wants a second job, etc., whose hours would jive with yours.  The advantages of an in-house person are that you don't have travel time, no issues when baby is sick, more one-on-one time, and more control over the environment.

We had an in-house person when my D was a baby, and it was absolutely wonderful.  We would have been rather screwed had w not, because D had a cold that lasted something like four months.  Her (very excellent) pediatrician said that it was not uncommon for that to happen with babies, but we would have been bumped from day care on many of those days.

There's nothing wrong with the day care or family care arrangement, but it's worth at least checking out a nanny.

I do live near a fairly large college. (Don't teach there; live near there). I did see such ads on craigslist. The ads from people with some experience mostly stated $15 to $20 an hour. That seemed like $240 to $300 per just two eight-hour days. Are those rates too high? Not all ads stated their rates and I kind of assumed they had. Does one negotiate a bulk rate per day?

You think I'd be able to find cheaper, acceptable in-home nannies? (I'm in a high cost of living area. We're not in Kansas. We're not in Manhattan or San Francisco either -- something in the upper-middle end of the spectrum).

My question for in-home nanny was whether I would end up spending a lot of money *and* not have time to write... So the option for in-home nanny is there if things went wrong (like the four-month old long cold! Yikes!). How much do people pay for in-home care?

[collegekidsmom]

It's great that you are checking out all options and looking at all of the angles from a very intellectual and pragmatic perspective. There have been a lot of threads about this aspect of baby planning. It is probably best to plan for a few alternatives and wait and see what you are feeling after you have had the baby. For some women, the dropping in to breastfeed might feel like a good plan; for others-going to someone's house, breastfeeding and then leaving again might not be so good. The time it takes to pump is totally individual, and is very different once breastfeeding is well established(maybe not so easy in the beginning). Some women can pump 8 ounces in a few minutes; others take a long time to get a small amount. All of that is normal but you can't know until you do it. I do think it's great to plan. Just make sure to leave room for some flexibility for yourself during a time you may or may not feel one hundred percent the same as before- at least for for a while. Could you enroll at one place and put your name in with the family care person and see what seems best when you have the baby?

[scheherazade]

For the amounts of money you are quoting, check into in-house nannies.  You may be able to find one, especially if you only need one a few days a week.  It's possibly that there's a responsible college student there, or someone who wants a second job, etc., whose hours would jive with yours.  The advantages of an in-house person are that you don't have travel time, no issues when baby is sick, more one-on-one time, and more control over the environment.

We had an in-house person when my D was a baby, and it was absolutely wonderful.  We would have been rather screwed had w not, because D had a cold that lasted something like four months.  Her (very excellent) pediatrician said that it was not uncommon for that to happen with babies, but we would have been bumped from day care on many of those days.

There's nothing wrong with the day care or family care arrangement, but it's worth at least checking out a nanny.

I do live near a fairly large college. (Don't teach there; live near there). I did see such ads on craigslist. The ads from people with some experience mostly stated $15 to $20 an hour. That seemed like $240 to $300 per just two eight-hour days. Are those rates too high? Not all ads stated their rates and I kind of assumed they had. Does one negotiate a bulk rate per day?

You think I'd be able to find cheaper, acceptable in-home nannies? (I'm in a high cost of living area. We're not in Kansas. We're not in Manhattan or San Francisco either -- something in the upper-middle end of the spectrum).

My question for in-home nanny was whether I would end up spending a lot of money *and* not have time to write... So the option for in-home nanny is there if things went wrong (like the four-month old long cold! Yikes!). How much do people pay for in-home care?

It was about five years ago when I had a nanny, so figure for a bit of inflation, but I paid $10/hour, and we had a few very qualified people apply for the position at that rate.  This was in Chicago, which is fairly high cost.  However, you can only really go by what the going rate is in your area, so if everyone is quoting $15-20, that's likely what it will be.  You can try to post a request on Craigslist for less - say you are looking for someone on days X, Y, and Z and will pay $AB amount - simply because there may be someone out there (especially in this economy) willing to do it.  If you do hire an in-house person, references and a criminal background check are essential.

[niceday]

Could you enroll at one place and put your name in with the family care person and see what seems best when you have the baby?

Pre-enrolling and not using the option at the institutional and/or corporate places? I'd do it in a heartbeat. I will likely get on all such waiting lists! They'd just move down their waiting list and forget I ever existed.

I'd feel less comfortable with pulling out of the family-care options (unless it was due to an unforeseen circumstance that couldn't be helped) since I'm taking one of their two infant spots or preventing them from aggressively advertising because they think I'm going to employ them. (Or are they used to this? I suppose to some degree since babies are unpredictable).

From what I understand, this is how these women make a living. None had more than four or five kids maximum; thus, they are likely making under 30K, pre-tax. (It sucks that childcare is expensive; it also sucks how little child-carers make but don't get me started).

I understand nothing may work out as planned. I had hoped to wait after the baby was born to make these plans. Learning about the waiting lists were a rude-awakening; I may not have options if I don't have plans in place. But I hear you about the plans meeting life bit... We'll see.

[macaroon]

The best scenario, in terms of getting writing done, is to leave the infant in the morning and return at the end of the work-day without visiting the infant during the day.  If you are going to be breastfeeding, this would mean pumping and storing your milk and then giving it to the caregiver to feed the baby. 

Correct me if I'm wrong. I was under the impression that dropping in to breastfeed (doable only non-teaching days if baby placed with nearby family-care place) would be more time efficient than pumping. Under all scenarios, baby would get expressed breast milk on teaching days since all daycare options are closer to home than work. (Colleague is selling me her Medela pump; I will buy new accessories). Dropping in was about saving me time. I may well be wrong. How much time does pumping take?

Yep - you're wrong about the time, niceday.  Pumping takes anywhere between 8 to 30 minutes. If you have an office, you can work at the same time as pumping.  Here's how to make your pump hands-free so that you can type. 
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/hands-free-pumping.html
Personally, I found that if I sat down and just pumped while focusing on relaxation, it took me 8 minutes.  If I tried to check e-mail or format EndNote, it would take closer to 30.  But I was working, so it didn't matter that it took longer. 

I personally don't know anyone for whom dropping in to breastfeed worked out well.  You'd drop in, but the baby would be asleep.  Or the baby would have gotten hungry an hour before you dropped in, and the caregiver fed her.  Or you get there, and baby doesn't want to nurse, only play.  If any of those things happen, then you have to go back to the office and pump. 

Oh - btw - I breastfed both of mine for 18 months and I never had any problems.  Don't let other people's horror stories frighten you too much. 

And...  if you are interested in saving money?  Oh yeah, breastfeeding is the way to go.  Have you seen how much formula costs?

[menotti]

Well, I did the dropping in to breastfeed and loved it, so depends on the person.  I did end up going over to nurse more frequently than I would have at home, but that didn't bother me - I enjoyed the chance to see the baby.  Different strokes.

Another thing to remember is that things change, frequently, with a baby.  Don't take yourself off waiting lists until you are sure something will or won't work.  My baby is only 15 months old, and I've been through about four or five schedules, and three major child care arrangements.  And not really because I was forced into them - what worked best at four months was not what worked best at 8 months and then at a year.

[collegekidsmom]

So funny, Macaroon-I just went to an EndNote demo and they didn't think to warn that it could make pumping slow down! 

[illini]

I have used in-home care, day care home, and a day care center.  My kids now are 12, 15, and 18 so it has been awhile.  But some thoughts:

I probably liked a day care home the best.  My daughter was cared for by a neighbor from age 1 through K.  My second child was there from 6 weeks to 4 1/2.  My neighbor had a son my daugher's age.  There was a baby there from 6 weeks to 2 years old and then two other preschool children later.  There was never more than 4 children at one time, including my sitter's son.  The older children played with the younger ones, much like in a home.  And my kids had a long term relationship with one adult.  My 18 year old daughter still keeps contact with the family and we haven't lived in the neighborhood for 9 years.  The biggest disadvantage is that you have to manage a relationship, which is true for in-home care too.  The mother of the 2 year old who came as an infant was threatened I think by the close relationship her daughter had with the sitter and switched her to a day care center.

We had in home care before the day care home and after I had my third child.  It only lasted 6 months the first time because the sitter got sick a lot.  I also remember how relieved I was to not have to straighten up the house for someone else to spend the day when I switched to the day care home.  The biggest advantage is babies get less sick and you can get some help (later) with scheduling.  It also made the most sense for me with three different aged kids.  I had sitters taking my kids places like dance and putting food in the oven that I had prepared which helped.   You have to consider how you feel about having someone else in your home.  There are more boundary issues here than for either of the other two options.  Also, for most mothers, it is difficult to work at home if you have a sitter there. And the house was dirtier with kids there all day. 

My middle child was in a daycare center after my day care center sitter decided to do something else.  It  required less relationship work--you don't have as personal of relationships which was a bit of a relief after years of management.   On the other hand, the kids don't form as close of relationship with one adult, which I think is preferable for infants. Children in daycare tend to get sick more often than either of the other options.  The day care center also used a preschool circul., which was an advantage.  When my daughter was at the day care home and my youngest had a in home sitter, they both went to preschool in addition to having a sitter. There is the most structure in  a day care center and these kids tend to be well prepared for school.

         

[autoconnect]

Lots of good advice here on what to ask...but be aware that sometimes you ask all the right questions, do all the research, find the best daycare, and then it still turns out to be a bad fit for the little one. That happened to me. At first I felt that I'd wasted all that time and effort trying to find the right daycare but looking back it wasn't wasted effort. Life just has its twists and turns. Babies sometimes turn out to thrive in an environment so different from the one we thought would be perfect. Now I try to rely on my instinct more than the right questions (though the reason I can trust my instinct is because I went through the learning stage of doing the research and asking the questions - so I'm not saying just blindly go in with nothing but instinct).

[macaroon]

So funny, Macaroon-I just went to an EndNote demo and they didn't think to warn that it could make pumping slow down! 

I bet if you charged your pump's batteries off of the USB port, stupid EndNote would crash your nipples. 

[macaroon]

Lots of good advice here on what to ask...but be aware that sometimes you ask all the right questions, do all the research, find the best daycare, and then it still turns out to be a bad fit for the little one.

Sorry you had a rough time!

I did none of the research when I found a childcare provider.  We had just moved, my husband left for two weeks, I was without a car and desperate to find care before my postdoc started.  I walked to the daycare center two blocks away.  I asked for a tour, and the director took me around.  When we went into the infant room, all of the teachers cooed over my daughter, and they all asked permission to hold her.  The infant room was such a happy, adorable place.  I went home, grabbed my checkbook, changed a diaper, and walked right back over to sign her up.

I brought my daughter, and then my second daughter, there every workday for five years, until we moved this summer.  No regrets.  Their last day of school was a case-of-tissues affair. 

We did some research before finding a childcare provider for our youngest (2.5 yo) after we moved.  We narrowed it down to three acceptable places and let her pick amongst them.

[toothpaste]

(Colleague is selling me her Medela pump; I will buy new accessories). Dropping in was about saving me time. I may well be wrong.

I asked my trusted childbirth educator about where I could donate my Medela pump. She told me in no uncertain terms that these pumps were meant for one user only, that despite the very long tubing etc. involved that the first user's "flora" could get inside the pump mechanism and make the second user's baby sick. She knew of one case where this had happened.

Just so you know. My pump is still sitting on my bedroom floor, six months after I stopped using it, hoping that I will invent an art project to include it in since I am not supposed to donate it to another woman.

[always_seeking]

Trust your instinct and try to choose a learning facility. Also try to choose a facility where the child/provider ratio is no more than 4 children to one provider. With an infant the ratio should be 3 infants to one provider.

I checked out a couple of providers. One provider in particular did not want me to do a tour (I dropped in unannounced). I ran as fast as I could.

The provider that I chose met with my privately at first to dicsuss any questions that I had. (She's a private, State licensed, provider that works from her home). She then told me to drop by at any time to observe. Before we officially signed up, we took our son over for a trial day and observed her interaction with our son.

My son is 18 months and he's counting, he's starting to recognize his body parts, and he's socialized. I can't be happier. Hopefully you'll be able to find an excellent provider as well.

Our only blunder was not allowing ourselves enought time to work. We only used daycare when we were physically at work (for me, while I was in class). Allow yourself a bit of a cushion to get personal things done which will help your household to run efficiently.