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[macaroon]

Have you been here?

http://www.disabledparents.net/adaptive.html

Also, if your husband is in physical therapy, you can ask the therapists if they know of any support groups for disabled parents. 

[inthelab]

Just when I thought I had a third class at an acceptable, manageable time, we were notified that my husband's driver's license was being revoked because of the pain medication that he is on.  Apparently, the state of CA objects to drivers who take opiates being on the road. 

Because he is disabled as a result of a work injury and we are in the midst of a Worker's Comp case, we are not allowed to even apply for the programs that could help us.  There are some very odd clauses in his contract specifically relating to these helpful programs, violations of which our atty. informs us the company regularly uses to fight WC cases. 


So, my husband is now completely dependent on me for getting to and from work, which means I have to give up the class I was offered - which really sucks because we really could have used the money.

I have looked into non-academic jobs for greater stability...but I assume everyone else is aware of the economic crisis we're in the midst of?  I haven't gotten anything yet.  I was successful in entering a training program for on-line teaching, but that probably won't get me paying classes until summer.

I've created a schedule in the hopes of creating some peace out of the general chaos in my life.  I already do all of the shopping one day a week, and I plan simple, managable meals.  I don't dust, but I have a schedule for doing chores...I figure if I do one simple, 15-minute chore + laundry every day during the week, my house won't be so bad on the weekends.

Now, I only have to manage time to grade papers.  Since I only have two classes, that shouldn't be too difficult.

But, I worry that my schedule is just not flexible enough to ensure adjunct positions in the future.  And I worry what happens to my reputation when I accept a class, do the paperwork and then have to give it back.

Have you spoken with an attorney to move a favorable settlement along your way?

[procra]

You may have thought of this, but could you hire a driver for your husband (say, a college student with a car who is available at the necessary times) so you can take the CC adjuncting gig?   The salary for the extra course would offset the cost, but it might be hard to set something like that up in a timely fashion.

[mj_romo]

You may have thought of this, but could you hire a driver for your husband (say, a college student with a car who is available at the necessary times) so you can take the CC adjuncting gig?   The salary for the extra course would offset the cost, but it might be hard to set something like that up in a timely fashion.

I did think of this, but when I did the math for a driver and the extra childcare necessary, what the course pays is just not worht it.

Have you spoken with an attorney to move a favorable settlement along your way?

I could really go off about this, but suffice it to say that CA is one of the least worker-comp friendly states in the union, and while we're pushing for a favorable settlement, it's probably still 1-2 years off.  My spouse is in such a position that medically, he needs to be fixed before we can even look to settling the case, and that in itself is probably 6-9months away.

[msparticularity]

You may have thought of this, but could you hire a driver for your husband (say, a college student with a car who is available at the necessary times) so you can take the CC adjuncting gig?   The salary for the extra course would offset the cost, but it might be hard to set something like that up in a timely fashion.

I did think of this, but when I did the math for a driver and the extra childcare necessary, what the course pays is just not worht it.

I want to challenge your math a little bit here. You've said on the other thread that this is a place that you have worked hard to get into. Even if you don't make money at it, after the driver and extra child care, the experience and the good will at the new place have value too. And, in fact, there's an economic cost to your future to first accepting a position, and then giving it up. This is a particular issue for you because you have had a history of doing this, so you are going to get labeled as undependable, which will in turn continue to prevent you from getting a more permanent position.

[tolerantly]

msparticularity, she's pressed too hard against the wall to bother with things like that.  They've got one big future stake, and that's the WC. Don't suggest she knock herself out for more, she hasn't got it.

mj romo, please go talk to your US congressman's staff, and cry.  Explain the situation, and see what connections they have.  It's also time to look for help from religious groups regardless of your religion or lack of same. Finally, if you cannot get adequate help from these people, you need to separate temporarily from your husband, go back to your parents or whatever friends/relatives nearby will have you, pay attention to your baby, and advocate for your husband's care as you can.  You're living as if in an emergency, but an emergency that goes on for another year is too much, esp. with a baby to care for.

What it comes down to is that you cannot work right now outside of normal daycare hours.  You have a baby and a disabled husband to care for, and if you keep running yourself like this you're going to wind up sick too.  You need sleep, you need a few hours of peace every day.  I think you'll find you're a more effective advocate for him if you're not working from inside desperationland.

It can be very difficult to engage a spouse's family if they think you're supposed to be taking care of him, but please get in touch with them and let them know that you can no longer go on like this; the baby needs attention, you have to find work, you have to have some rest. They will have to step up, maybe in rotation. Let them come live in your house if necessary; don't be there to supervise or you'll find they're just giving you more work.  Your husband, if able, needs to help in this and reach out to his family, give them to understand how serious the problems are and that they are now being called upon.  If there isn't family, or they won't/can't, then again, this needs to go to the churches and the congressman's caseworkers.  Senator if you can.

You may in the end find that you have to let go of the WC claim.  I don't want to discourage you there, but just know that the world will not end if that's what happens. Way of the world, you have to have to get, and you can't do more than you can do.

[mj_romo]

tolerantly has, unfortunately, read the situation all too correctly.

I am constantly on the run to put out one fire after a next, and I am on the edge.  I don't have the time or energy that it will take to make the effort at this CC.  It's not worth it in terms of my sanity. 

Besides, isn't everyone always saying that CCs don't hire their adjuncts for TT positions?  Why get in as a "valued" adjunct if I can hold off another 5 mo and try for a TT position as an outsider? 

I'll find some nice, but brief way of explaining the situation to the chair and what comes will come.

tolerantly, thank you for your wise and astute advice.  I will try to actually use it.

[tolerantly]

No prob, hope it helps.  When things calm down a bit you may also want to get in touch with Christina (Kristina?) Chew at Autismvox; she and her husband were both, I think, on the tt in the midwest when their son was diagnosed with autism, and they moved to NJ to get him better help.  She eventually got something part-time at a small Catholic school, and her husband got another tt position.  So she knows about academic life after serious issues like this.

[msparticularity]

MJ_Romo, I'm sorry if my response above seemed unsympathetic. I've been reading your posts on the Fora for a very long time, and I've watched as you have resisted a lot of advice to do something other than trying to pursue teaching. I fully agree with everything Tolerantly has said--I just thought (based upon your earlier responses) that you didn't want to hear it, and instead wanted advice to keep your teaching career viable.

My real opinion is that it is insane for you to keep trying to adjunct in your current situation. I also think you need to find either another attorney, or some supplemental advice and help in negotiating the WC maze. Your current person appears to be keeping you dangling in the hopes of a big payoff from WC. (Is s/he doing this on contingency?) In the meantime, you don't appear to be getting good advice about support that should be available to you now.

Best of luck to you!

[hyfinia]

I can understand your situation to some extent.  My husband does not have a disability but I have a 17 month old son.  I also struggle with day car, in fact we dont do daycare my husband and I juggle out time but I realize that this is not an option for you.

What has worked for me is networking with other moms; so we exchange baby sitting duties when necessary. Be careful who you select though because we have to be so cautious.  I also have a babysitter from my church who I call from time to time and that has been very useful to me.

Wearing a sling also works wonders.  Many of these slings can support babies up to 45lbs and they are quite comfortable once you find one that suits you.  thebabywearer.com has lots of useful information on using slings for babies.  I carry my son on my back around the house and sometimes this is the only way I can get done; he often falls asleep while being carried.

Hope you find a solution.

[tolerantly]

Here's the thing about exchanging childcare: If you're really pressed, as mj romo is and as many single working parents are, there's no exchange.  You can't reciprocate, especially when the children are small and need active supervision; you haven't got time, and you can't ask your nonexistent or disabled husband to pitch in on the swap (which is what often happens). 

Also, while this sort of thing can work when the kids are older if it's  once in a while and not much work for your friends (I nearly asked a friend to take LT to school so I could go to a job interview, then remembered it's spring break and we've got early-start camp, so I'm saved).  But if it's for regular employment, then no, it's not realistic to expect that this will work.  People who aren't family and aren't set up as daycare providers just can't make that kind of commitment reliably enough to support must-have employment.

mj romo, I hope that there's been some break in the action and you've gotten to a less stressful spot.

[secretweapon]

It sounds like she has, and she hasn't.  She posted some exciting news on another thread - now just let me find it...!

[mj_romo]

I did get something of a break - I got a part-time administrative position on a one-year contract that's renewable for 2 years after that.  It's good money, and the hours are perfect on top of teaching 2 classes.  It's not a glamourous job, but it's probably one of the very best things I could put on my resume at this point and have experience in.  I think this position will boost my hire-ability considerably. 

And, I just discovered that something of a miracle happened, and I'm PG.  I'm not entirely excited about that, yet - I think they should print the failure-rate of birth control in really large letters on the box. 

I also managed, recently, to coerce some help from family members with my husband, and his case seems to actually be moving forward now, which makes living with him far more tolerant.

I also did a major push to get us on a pretty regimented schedule with cleaning and time management, etc., and it was really hard in the beginning (and we still have really off-days), but it has more or less worked.  A schedule was about the best thing I could have done for us. 

[secretweapon]

That's wonderful, Mj_romo.  Those are some big improvements.

[bamabound]

I did get something of a break - I got a part-time administrative position on a one-year contract that's renewable for 2 years after that.  It's good money, and the hours are perfect on top of teaching 2 classes.  It's not a glamourous job, but it's probably one of the very best things I could put on my resume at this point and have experience in.  I think this position will boost my hire-ability considerably. 

And, I just discovered that something of a miracle happened, and I'm PG.  I'm not entirely excited about that, yet - I think they should print the failure-rate of birth control in really large letters on the box. 

I also managed, recently, to coerce some help from family members with my husband, and his case seems to actually be moving forward now, which makes living with him far more tolerant.

I also did a major push to get us on a pretty regimented schedule with cleaning and time management, etc., and it was really hard in the beginning (and we still have really off-days), but it has more or less worked.  A schedule was about the best thing I could have done for us. 

I'm SO happy for you MJ.  I've thought of you often and think that sending good thoughts out into cyberspace may actually help sometimes.  I too read your other thread abougt being PG and wish you well with that too.   Best of luck with the workers comp stuff, young child and baby stuff.