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[mj_romo]

Okay, this probably goes in the "Balancing Work and Life" section, but I feel like mostly TTers visit that, and this question is specifically for adjuncts.

I have an almost 2-yo, and I am having a really hard time being an adjunct and being a parent.  (And for extra info, I also have a disabled spouse).  I can only afford to put her in daycare part-time (30hrs or less a week), and daycare is only open from 7-5, which limits my availability to take classes more significantly than I thought it would.  In fact, I am having considerable difficulty getting classes because I am not available in the evening - is that really common?  Do others use a combination of daycare and babysitting to have a more open schedule? (Though I don't know how I would also afford babysitting even with more classes.)

Then, because I can only afford to put her in for 30hrs a week, I can't get enough stuff done.  How does one grade with a 2-yo sitting on one's lap?  Or do prep-work?  I find I'm being a bad parent and plopping her in front of the TV to get things done (which really isn't so effective since she checks in with me every 3 minutes to tell me about the show).

Where do you make cuts?  How do you manage?

[zuzu_]

Is disabled spouse able to do ANY child care duties? Even, say, sit and watch TV and verbally interact with 2 y.o.?

If not, then I think your best bet is to work on streamlining your prep time and grading time.

I would imagine that many places would be looking to fill night classes. As an adjunct, I always wanted night classes so I could leave my child with my spouse instead of paying for daycare.

Are you skilled in online instruction? That takes a lot of prep/grading, but at least it's more flexibile.

Lastly, use good birth control :) Your problems will decrease significantly once the little one starts school.

[hegemony]

I am TT but a single parent and I feel your pain.

I think the answer is: cut corners.  I know it feels impossible.  But you gotta do it.  Think about everything that takes up time in your daily life, and how you can reduce it.  It's like cutting down on expenses, only time-wise.  You simply can't go on devoting as much time to things as you did pre-child.  (I think everyone must wonder, after having a child, "What did I do with all that time I had before?  Why didn't I write the Great American Novel or discover a cure for cancer with all that free time??")  Grade papers with a rubric.  Write half as many comments on assignments.  Use lesson plans over and over.  Give multiple-choice quizzes.  Make the students give feedback on each other's drafts.  Cut out essay questions on tests.  Streamline other parts of life too.  Combine all your errands into one trip.  Do all your grocery shopping once a week, or once a fortnight.  Buy other things online instead of in person.  Brainstorm other ways to free up time.  I know some of these will make you think you're compromising quality.  But a non-stressed-out teacher is better in the classroom, and that's more important than more comments on papers (how many comments did you dwell on thoroughly when you were a student?) and essay questions on tests.  When your little one is five and in school, you can go back to the time-consuming way of doing things -- but you may discover that your teaching is just as good this way.

Last, do check to see if your school gives you a Flexible Spending Account, which you can use to pay daycare expenses pre-tax, which cuts the cost by about 30%.  In time, also, you may find other parents you can exchange childcare with; and in time you'll be better able to work with kids underfoot.  By the time they're six it's not too hard to do simple work with them present.  I do remember writing an entire commencement address with a baby on my lap, though.  Ah, good times.  Maybe.

Anyway, hang in there.  You're not the only one!

[tamiam]

On the topic of cutting corners:

I know that we're under tremendous pressure to do the parenting thing as well as possible. But it sounds like your first responsibility is to provide financially for your family. To that end, putting your kid in front of the TV so that you can do your job, so that you can keep a roof over that kid's head, is not terrible. Any other corners you can cut in the home front - not ironing clothes - ever - for instance; not dusting very often, etc...You don't have to do it all perfectly, even if you do have to do it all yourself.

Also, it gets a little easier when they're 3 and 4 and not in constant danger of falling down stairs, etc. But harder, too, as they become more difficult to control.

[secretweapon]

Maybe this is a stupid question, but could you cut back on the daytime childcare and instead get an evening babysitter?  At 2, it's easier to leave Little Romo with a responsible high school or college student, when you might not have felt comfortable doing that when she was younger.

Hang on a second... was there an old thread about how babysitters didn't feel comfortable coming over your house, because your husband was going to be there, too?  If so, scratch that.

[mj_romo]

Maybe this is a stupid question, but could you cut back on the daytime childcare and instead get an evening babysitter?

I wish it worked this way, but daycare is not paid in an hourly fashion.  Even if I cut back on the hours, it would still be the same weekly amount, which means there's still no money.

My spouse is not capable of caring for our daughter; he's barely capable of caring for himself, and I have to arrange my schedule so that I can get him too and from work, which also cuts into my availability.  And because of him, it's very difficult to get anyone besides family to babysit, and most of them can't make a regular committment to help out.  He can sit and verbally interact with her, but that doesn't help much if I'm gone and he can't do anything else with her.

I have cut corners, and I do many of the things hegemony suggests, but I'm still exhausted and feel like a rotten parent.  And cutting corners in the grading doesn't do me much good for assembling a portfolio of materials to submit for TT jobs. 

I am trying to get the training to do on-line teaching because that would be ideal, but the process seems slow. 

As for birth control: when you're forced into abstinence, you don't really need any!

[jackalope]

Could you try and find a non-academic job that would pay enough for childcare?

[bluesocks]

From your responses, it sounds like childcare it the major issue (as is typical when parenting those little ones).

Although I know your situation is complex, here are several things I would consider in your situation.

1.  Look for a more flexible childcare situation such as a daycare in someone else's home.  See if you can create a schedule with them that covers some daytime hours and some evening hours as you need.  Remember, there are many people such as nurses who do not work typical schedules who are able to find childcare.  I would guess that with some effort you can find this situation and pay what you are paying for a center (or even less).

2.  Look for a more flexible "care" situation in which you have help with your husband and child (ie; maybe driving your husband to and from work would give you more flexibility).  Have you looked at care.com for your area?  I was pretty surprised how many postings there were from people looking for these types of positions.  Both #1 and #2 involve dropping the current child care center that you are using.  Some other options might be:

3.  Ask friends (or parent's of your child's friends) about trading daycare.  Maybe you can find someone who can take your child 2 nights a week and you take their child the same number of hours (maybe a weekend night or something).  There are actually many parents out there willing to trade--you just have to take the initiative!  And, at this age, watching 2 is sometimes easier than 1 (or at least when they are about 3 and over).

4.  If you get a position at night, advertise for babysitting at the campus.  You might be able to get someone at campus to cover the hour or two you are in class for a fairly reasonable rate.  It is certainly not ideal, but I would consider it.  They can stroll around campus; go to the food court; find a nearby park / playground.  It might be worth it if you only have to pay an additional $20 or so in childcare.

Just a few thoughts.  It feels like you are somewhat stuck and just need to brainstorm some ideas that might work.

blue

[mimi1]

It definitely sounds like you have a lot on your plate.  I have a now 3-year-old and an older child and have been adjuncting for 3 years now.  (My first adjunct class I was 8 months pregnant when the semester started... yikes...).  The things I have found that have helped me:

1.  I make sure I have daycare the week before classes start.  I then spend that 30-40 hours doing everything I possibly can to make my life easier - prepping classes, making copies, tweaking courses, writing tests/quizzes, creating power points, etc.

2.  We have always had a set bedtime for the kids.  After bedtime, I generally stayed up 3 hours or so prepping if I needed to, or grading. 

3.  Laundry, grocery shopping, household chores wait until the weekend if it is my turn to take care of those things. Toilet paper is about the only thing I will break my "weekend rule" for.... :) 

4.  Sunday afternoons I try to cook up at least two decent main dishes that can sit in the fridge.  You know, things like lasagna and soups and casseroles.  Then on my busy days, I can just pop them in the oven and add some veggies.  I also generally make enough that we can have leftovers for a day or two.  But, I have to say that there are nights we just have cereal... and I am proud to say I am okay with that! :) 

I don't have to do it all on my own, however, and I don't know if all my "tricks" will work in your situation.  I would agree with some of the other posters, though, in that you have to be okay with stuff not getting done, or not getting it done the way you would like.  I think it is also important you let go of the parental guilt.  You aren't a bad parent, you are a busy parent who is trying to provide for your family and make things work for your particular situation.  Hang in there - it will get easier as your little one gets a little older. 

[patchouli]

MJ,

I really feel for you; you have a lot on your plate.  I also admire you for all that you are trying to do for yourself and others. 

All the advice you have been getting from parents of small children is good, but honestly, I think Jackalope offers the most practical solution right now.

Getting a job in a nonacademic field would ensure a regular income, benefits, stable hours, and less worries for you all right now.  You might find later as your child gets a bit older that you could also do adjuncting and that would alleviate your stress, not add to it.

[always_seeking]

mjromo,

I, too, am in the same situation. Although my husband is not disabled, his work schedule does not allow me to rely on him for childcare. He's a mover and the job isn't done until it's done. I can't rely on him to pick our baby up by 6:00pm so I have to be available.

You have to learn to cut a few corners and utilize every spare moment. I typically wake up a little earlier than my son to load the dishwasher, mop the floor, etc. However, I don't make a big deal if those things aren't done.

I find that grading is my hardest challenge. I make minimal comments on student papers now. I invite them to meet with me, between classes, if they need more detail. That way, I feel like I'm not cutting corners for the students who really read/need my comments. I find it easier and quicker to talk than to write (comments).

In addition, I always had a hard time asking for help. My mom and aunt talked to me (and made me cry, I might add) but they told me it was okay to ask for help. Sometimes just dropping my son off for 1-2 hours with my mom, occassionally, helps me regain my sanity and get a few things done. 

[scheherazade]

Have you checked to see if your state has child care subsidies?  Given your lowish income and disabled spouse, you should qualify for any programs out there.  If you do, that will free up more money to cover any other necessary child care.

[macaroon]

Are you and your husband getting any support from other disabled parents, or are you guys going it alone?  Please don't take this the wrong way, but maybe with some more creative ideas he could be doing more to help out.  Standard baby products are not built with universal design in mind, but quite a few can be modified. 

I had three disabled roommates when I was in college, and through them, I met a a lot more disabled students.  I'm still in touch with some of them who now have children.  One of my friends, who cannot lift a toddler, has a changing table with a ramp on it.  Their children crawled up the ramp as soon as they were old enough to physically get up there.  The down side was that they both had to get the child to use the ramp, even the non-disabled spouse.  That required some hard work, but it was well worth it because it meant that my friend actually could care for the children. 

[mj_romo]

Just when I thought I had a third class at an acceptable, manageable time, we were notified that my husband's driver's license was being revoked because of the pain medication that he is on.  Apparently, the state of CA objects to drivers who take opiates being on the road. 

Because he is disabled as a result of a work injury and we are in the midst of a Worker's Comp case, we are not allowed to even apply for the programs that could help us.  There are some very odd clauses in his contract specifically relating to these helpful programs, violations of which our atty. informs us the company regularly uses to fight WC cases. 


So, my husband is now completely dependent on me for getting to and from work, which means I have to give up the class I was offered - which really sucks because we really could have used the money.

I have looked into non-academic jobs for greater stability...but I assume everyone else is aware of the economic crisis we're in the midst of?  I haven't gotten anything yet.  I was successful in entering a training program for on-line teaching, but that probably won't get me paying classes until summer.

I've created a schedule in the hopes of creating some peace out of the general chaos in my life.  I already do all of the shopping one day a week, and I plan simple, managable meals.  I don't dust, but I have a schedule for doing chores...I figure if I do one simple, 15-minute chore + laundry every day during the week, my house won't be so bad on the weekends.

Now, I only have to manage time to grade papers.  Since I only have two classes, that shouldn't be too difficult.

But, I worry that my schedule is just not flexible enough to ensure adjunct positions in the future.  And I worry what happens to my reputation when I accept a class, do the paperwork and then have to give it back.

[secretweapon]

I'm so sorry, Mj_romo.  Difficult as that may be, try not to think too much about flexibility for next semester and what it means for your schedule.  As much as you want to be prepared for the future, don't let worries about what might happen in four or five months make your life even more difficult now.