Hi everyone. I'm new to this board and have enjoyed reading the posts here.
I have been out of graduate school for a year and a half. I was three years into a 6-year PhD program, and left with an MA. This was in mathematics.
A lot of the posts seem to be about unhappiness or even bitterness about grad student life. Since I left for these reasons, I want to share some of the wisdom I have gained through much introspective thinking.
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First the story of what pushed me over the edge. I had been growing increasingly ambivalent about academia in general, and didn't really like the direction in which my thesis was moving. Basically I wanted to throw in the towel but was afraid and didn't want to regret it later. I needed a critical event that would help me decide once and for all.
In math, you're expected to study lecture notes, and then fill in all the details yourself, or ask for help if you get stuck. But my advisor expected me to not need help, and got upset when I did need help (mind you this is help in proving theorems which run chapters long). I had been carefully typing my own versions of the proofs, since some of the proofs in the notes were done sloppily. My advisor agreed that my proofs could eventually be sent to the authors of these lecture notes (which were published in book form by the American Math Society).
The explosive event that forced me to make a decision was this: I wrote a critical review of the lecture notes book on Amazon.com. The author contacted me shortly after asking me to clarify what I thought was incorrect about one of the proofs. So I just emailed him my typed proofs. Since I hadn't been getting the help I needed from my advisor, I figured this could open a line of communication to someone who would be able to help. I did at least give credit to my advisor for some of the ideas, and CC'd the email to her as well.
This totally backfired. The first reply I got was from my advisor, saying "... I couldn't believe my eyes when I realized what a foolish thing you had done...". The reply from the authors was that the proofs were not incorrect, but that it was just a typo. And all he had to say about my proof was that "you skipped the induction step", which everyone skips anyway. His conclusion was that, although I am free to say what I want, my review was totally inappropriate and would not be tolerated in a more academic setting.
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Allow me to interpret what happened here because it will reveal the truth about why academia is NOT primarily in the business of discovery and of acquiring knowledge for the benefit of man, but operates more like a priestly sect which reserves knowledge among the most initiated, for the sole reason that knowledge equals power.
My advisor was so angry with me because she was only concerned with how it would affect her reputation. Keep in mind that the authors of these lecture notes were the ones who introduced the germinal ideas which allowed all the underling professors to have something to do. Was she worried she would be seen as a bad teacher if my proofs had any mistakes? Or was it simply bad etiquette to go to the higher-ups without consulting first? I strongly suspect the former and not the latter.
This shows clearly that the name of the game is reputation, reputation, reputation. I was one of the hardest working students in our department, and was far more into going to conferences and reading journal articles than anyone else I knew. The reason they came down so hard on me was because of this: people who think like me threaten them. They don't want reviews on Amazon.com that say there might be mistakes in the proofs, because that damages reputation, and the general person cannot check for himself their correctness.
This shows they care more about their reputations than the soul of their ideas, for had the latter been exalted, they would know that without serious and dedicated graduate students, their work would eventually fall into the dark void of time. Had education and not reputation been their primary goals, then they would have been more willing to help. It doesn't matter if I like the ideas and think they're beautiful, it just matters that they continue to publish and get funding.
I hope this makes you grad students do some thinking. As I am discovering, there are a growing number of ways for original thinkers to get their ideas out. If you care about the soul of your ideas, don't go into academia. But if all you care about is reputation, then you can take the academic route. Just don't go around acting like you have a monopoly on truth, wisom, or knowledge just because you've got a PhD and work as a professor.
symbolicsorcery@gmail.com---
"We can accept God becoming man to save man, but not man becoming God to save himself." - Vernon Howard
