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[projo]

I'm currently in a serious relationship with the man of my dreams.  We met at our current University, so we each got the jobs here independently of each other.  We've now been together for a little over a year, and it has been the greatest year of my life.  The dynamic between us is incredibly caring, understanding, respectful, and we just laugh and have a great time together.  It has also been just wonderful to be with an academic who understands the nature of the profession.

Here's where it gets a little complicated.  A job was just posted in my field that would be really fantastic for me.  From what I gather, it would be good for him, and a move up for both of us from our current University.  This also assumes that 1. I get it to begin with, and 2. They would offer him a position.  In looking at his department's current faculty, he appears to have a similar number of publications, etc. but it is also not my field so he'll be a better judge of that. 

We discussed moving there together, and agree that we would want to do what we could do to make that happen if the situation were to present itself.  Of course you never know if you'll get a job, but I think I may have a shot given my history.  So, the spousal hire would also assume that we'd get married first - and we've discussed doing this in order to make that happen, even though it may mean getting married a little quicker than we would have otherwise.  Anyone have experience with this?  I've searched a little for any spousal hiring information at this potential university, but of course they are quite vague.

To make matters more complicated, I don't really want to pass up applying and give things more time.  In my field there are only 4-5 positions per year, I'm lucky to have one!  Also, there aren't too many jobs that come up that are clearly better than where I am.  Unlike many other fields, there can not be more than one of me at any given university.  This means that I can never (or nearly never) be the one getting a spousal hire.  There aren't a lot of jobs that may come up for me, which is why I want to apply for this one. 

I'm just curious if anyone out there has gotten married earlier than expected in order to stay together.  Also, did it work to negotiate a spousal hire when offered a contract yourself?  It seems that this would need to be negotiated upfront to get it.  I'd never want him to go with me anywhere if this weren't possible for him.  I realize that I don't have this job, but these are important issues to us.

Thanks!!!

[helpful]

Who says you need to get married to qualify for a spousal hire? Unless this is a Christian university you are looking at applying to, 'marriage' might not be a requirement. It might only require living 'common-law'.

Check out that aspect first.

[jackalope]

Start by prioritizing. My suggestion would be 1. love, 2. career. But don't assume you can have both just as you like them.

[papaya]

Wow....this is certainly complicated...and since no one else has posted yet, I'll give my unqualified advise. The way you explain your situation makes it sound as if the job is a more important decision than the one of marriage.  Personally, I would hesitate to bind myself legally to someone in hopes of getting a job/spousal offer.  But then again, only you know the strength of your relationship.  I can only offer a similar situation in which friends of mine got married when one got the job because the other needed health benefits, and their relationship seems to be doing well these past four years.  (The state the moved to did not offer non-married partners health benefits.)  Now, this couple had been living together for many years before they decided to tie the knot.  Both had been previously divorced and really had not thought to get married again.

And now that I write this I realize this is really not helpful to you at all.  Hope things work out for you.

[projo]

Thank you for your reply.  The relationship is indeed more important to me than my career (especially just one job!), however we all want to have our cake and eat it too, don't we?  :)  I can't imagine not having both this relationship and my career in my life, making this a tricky situation.  In addition, neither of us wants to live in our current city permanently, so moving will most definitely involve this type of scenario...

[canadatourismguy]

Apply for the job and see what happens.  If the job field is as competitive as you say it is, then there is a strong chance you will not need to have this discussion (even with being as brilliant as you are).  If by chance the answer is yes, you can always say no thank you later.

One thing that did cross my mind however.

A question: Are you using this situation as an excuse to see if it is a 'fish or cut bait' time in the relationship?

CTG

[projo]

Apply for the job and see what happens.  If the job field is as competitive as you say it is, then there is a strong chance you will not need to have this discussion (even with being as brilliant as you are).  If by chance the answer is yes, you can always say no thank you later.

One thing that did cross my mind however.

A question: Are you using this situation as an excuse to see if it is a 'fish or cut bait' time in the relationship?

CTG

I am definitely not using this situation as a "fish or cut bait" excuse.  I certainly have no problem coming outright with my thoughts or feelings towards my partner so that we can discuss them openly, and communicate honestly with each other.  If that's an answer I wanted, I'd just say it rather than use a potential university position to feel the situation out.  Certainly a reasonable question though.

And you are right - I am certainly not trying to imply that I'll get this job, one can never know.  I am just trying to think of the possibilities and be prepared for what may come down the pike, and have a plan of action.  I certainly may not need any plan of action though - there's no telling if I'll even make it off the pile!!!

[canadatourismguy]

Well then apply and see what happens?  Like I said earlier, you can not say no to something that is not offered. 

As for being prepared.  My wife and I got married almost eleven years ago partially because we thought I was going to the US for grad school and we needed to be married for her to be able to come along.

I got into a US school and then my sister passed away.  We adopted my then two-year old niece and decided to stay in Canada so not to take her far away from her remaining family.  Best laid plans and all. 

I guess the point is, you can make all the plans in the world but there are just too many confounding variables.  Go with what your heart feels is right.

CTG

[msparticularity]

The common wisdom on the Fora is that, absent remarkable good luck, one has to be something of a superstar to negotiate a partner/spousal hire.

[kimodo]

Don't do it! Get married that is, for the sake of anything other than love. Something is telling me this is not a wise move. Just my $.02.
Kimodo

[projo]

Thank you for your reply.  We want to get married for love and what we bring to eachother's lives, not as a convenience.  The possibility (and it is ONLY a possibility at this point!) of this job simply begs the question of getting married sooner than we would have otherwise, but you are wise in that we should not get married for the wrong reasons. 

We're now just playing the waiting game, and will try to come up with a more concrete plan of what we'd definitely do in the near future if I were to get an interview.  I'm just really interested to know of other people's experiences who may have been in  a dual academic marriage/relationship looking to move.  We don't want to live where we are forever anyhow, so we're hoping for a move of this nature in the future at some point.

[rumpumpel]

Just a quick note, depending on the school and the location, you might not have to be married to negotiate something for you SO. So I would apply and wait what happens... 

[jackalope]

Wait, did you really make the exact same post twice in different categories? Did you really do that?

You should ask the mods to delete one.

[expatinuk]

This isn't unusual... or really even complicated. It's complicated to YOU... but it's very much the norm in academe. There's even a forum on long distance relationships because SO MANY academics have been put in the situation where there are decisions about life/career.

And it's NOT just academics... it happens all the time when there are two people with good careers and they have career needs as well as personal/life needs.

Only YOU and your partner can negotiate what's important to you... to him... and to your careers.

[peter73]

I will not take the risk unless there is great incentive.  It seems that you have all that I can dream of.