next »

[mignon]

Tenured prof here.  I just got back from the Xmas party, and once again the grad students appeared unwilling to socialize with me, and with the other profs.  Did they feel awkward, somehow?  I don't know, but it seems weird to me.  I am older than them, mostly, but we have a lot in common.  Some of us even have kids the same age.  I would conclude that it was "just me," but the grad students don't talk to ANY of us.  Do we have cooties?  What gives??  Grad students, what's you perspective on these parties?

[helpful]

We just agree not to talk 'business' at mixed grad students/faculty parties. Therefore, there doesn't seem to be any problem.

[bread_pirate_naan]

I do not enjoy those parties.  I was averse to them in corporate world, too.  I am concerned about saying the wrong thing, for one, because almost everything I do is "business" on some level.  I am also way too much fun under the influence.  So glad we don't pretend this is fun and hold a holiday mixer.

I love to dine, coffee and chat with my mentors, and am friendly with faculty.  Holiday parties aren't parties, they're like presenting while drinking.  Stagey small talk.  Pointless, but relevant stakes... No thank you.  If you wanted to socialize with me, we'd have hung out already or have plans in the works.

And some of you have cooties. 

[amazona2]

Well, let's explain it to the old prof. We are not friends and therefore the trust level is not there in what is suppose to be a relax fun atmosphere.  Even when profs. ask me to call them by their first name, I don't. To me first names, and relaxed socializing are terms of friendship.  The "party" is an extension of the classroom and the committee. It's easier for students to keep things business like to protect themselves. 

[papaya]

At my grad school, graduate students did chitchat with faculty, but it was just that--polite chitchat.  The gorilla in the room is that the hierarchy of status is there regardless of how "equal" people want to pretend it is.  Faculty have all the power in determining how much funding we get, letters of reference, etc.  What is more, the whole process of graduate school infantilizes students until you've earned the phd.  I had assistant professors who were my age or some case I was a few years older and because they were a professor and I was a graduate student, they felt entitled to treat me not as a peer but as a child. If you think about it, owning your own home, having a spouse or children, or simply being over 30 does not confer real adult status.  Only the phd gets you respect in academia.

Now at parties, sure some faculty are more laid back and friendlier than others, and you don't feel like everything you say is being judge.  Plus, in my department there was always that one professor who managed to convey that she was queen and grad students and junior faculty were here underlings. Ripping into graduate students was her way of having fun, at least junior faculty were spared there.  I'm so glad I'm not in graduate school anymore.

[jackalope]

Well, let's explain it to the old prof. We are not friends and therefore the trust level is not there in what is suppose to be a relax fun atmosphere.  Even when profs. ask me to call them by their first name, I don't. To me first names, and relaxed socializing are terms of friendship.  The "party" is an extension of the classroom and the committee. It's easier for students to keep things business like to protect themselves. 

You are wise.

[sciencephd]

Why do you want to socialize with grad students ?

[helpful]

Why do you want to socialize with grad students ?

Who are you asking?

[sciencephd]

Why do you want to socialize with grad students ?

Who are you asking?

The person who posed the question.  But any faculty can answer, I guess.

[ellyn]

Why do you want to socialize with grad students ?

Who are you asking?

The person who posed the question.  But any faculty can answer, I guess.

Because in a few years they are going to be colleagues.  It's part of the growing up process. 

[bread_pirate_naan]

Why do you want to socialize with grad students ?

Who are you asking?

The person who posed the question.  But any faculty can answer, I guess.

Another question.  Why is the onus of initiating conversation on the grads? 

Y'all aren't holding court.  You and your colleagues obviously aren't approachable, outgoing, or grooming your students to work a room.  Sounds like the climate of your program is chilly and awkward, not just your grads.

[reesespeanutbutter]

Department functions are awkward.  The "holiday reception" my dept. had was similar, except that the faculty seemed to not want to interact with the grad students.  My advisers, who I regularly have very good conversation with (about school, yes, but also life in general) were somewhat standoffish.  In one case, I know part of the reason; bad experiences and forced interaction at a previous institution left hu hating dept functions.  I also think it's seen as an opportunity to interact with those other faculty members that they never see (my dept. is split among multiple buildings on campus).  As for why grad students don't interact with profs, maybe it's awkwardness and intimidation--unsure how to act in a social situation.  We get so trained in the professional setting that interacting with those with whom we only have professional relationships in a social situation is very awkward.  

That's my analysis, but I'm not a psychology person, and it's completely based on observations at my own department functions.

On preview: what BPN said is so true.  I know that I get awkward about approaching profs in a social situation, and they're doing nothing to make me less uneasy about it.

[neutralname]

In my day (oh it was decades ago now) grad students hung out with the assistant professors quite often.  Occasionally the profs would have gatherings at their houses, and dept people came, and it was relatively pleasant and social.

Actually the most social events were those when there was alcohol and dancing.  It didn't happen often, but seeing the professors dance could at least cheer the grad students up. 

[spectacle]

Now that I'm getting up toward the end (defending in a few months) a lot of the junior faculty seem a lot more comfortable hanging out with me (and vice versa).

For me it has a lot to do with anxiety - I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing... I'd like to think that I'm great fun to hang out with, but I have a sort of irreverent and sarcastic sense of humor and I'm terrified of offending someone.

I'm also not used to the protocol of social academia.  I'm the first person in my family to even go to college... I've had some folks argue that this doesn't matter, but some of us have a very hard time feeling comfortable in upper-middle class (and sometimes upper class) social settings.

[crowie]

The grad students have pre-existing relationships and friendships so of course once they get to the party they talk to the people they know.  But it's up to the faculty members to break the ice and go up to grad students first.  That means being able to make small talk, not shop talk.