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[denver]

So - both my SO and I have PhDs from one of the top three programs in our field.  We both have books and tenure track jobs -- 2000 miles apart.  Our respective programs have been yanking our respective chains for 5 years now.  Every year we waste uncountable hours and days on the quest.  We have followed various arrangements - seeming allies who worked with us to plan how to bring me in - giving talks, sending CVs, papers, etc - until ally gets busy or distracted.  And it has taken enormous psychic toll - as we have been "close" at least 5 times (and every time one gets excited and hopeful). 
Basically, the more elite institution, the more they have you over a barrel - and they will screw you. 
DO NOT listen to the lip service - as long as they keep shining us on (collectively, all with 2 body problems) they will manage to get twice as much work out of us as we try to please everyone, make ourselves indispensable - in hopes of getting the dual hire that we need.  (I keep being told that because "I don't have a life" I can do extra labor, while other people have important families.)
In the interrum, I have destroyed my career - working 15 hours a day, devoting myself to every cause and to all the people who claim to have some influence. 
Welcome to the mercenary academy - there are no humans in the humanities.  The administration of every institution I have worked for is at its bottom line heartless - all they care about is the bottom line.  Education is dead.  It is kill or be killed.
So good luck kiddies. -- If you can't get what you want - at least don't let them steal all your labor for free/cheap.  You will be exploited - don't let them.

[canadia]

Ouch. I'm so sorry! :(

In our current institution, we have been told that if you do X (publish), Y (publish well) and Z (publish w/ an eye on where the dept./university has holes)... chances are strong that we will get our wish.

The thing is that there are numerous academic couples that have done just that and are now here as an academic couple w/ 2 TT jobs, so I don't think they're blowing hot air.

Our university also has the rep for hiring VAP's and lecturers for TT jobs, so local universities hire a candidate and then our university hires the spouse. They do X, Y and Z and voila.

We know that this is not the norm, however.

When my partner got offered a job at another institute last year, she brought up the spousal hire dilemma. The search chair winced, but then said that it took his wife a good 4-5 years to get hired on there, but that she had to get a TT job at another institute, do X, Y and Z while he did the same. Then he went on the market, landed an offer and negotiated a TT-line for his wife.

The key to making it happen, though, seems to be having a strong spouse, going on the market and negotiating from there.

Easier said than done. :(

[achilles]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, which is all too familiar. My SO and I have been led on for several years now. In our case, I'm convinced that universities do not solve two-body situations until they ABSOLUTELY have to. Getting hired into a preexisting position is possible if both the dean and the hiring department are supportive and cooperative. Otherwise, there's only one way for you both to have appointments--go on the market, get an offer, and take it to the dean. At that point, either they'll do it or they'll let you go. I see it as a business decision on the part of the administration. Our own mistake was to assume that goodwill and interested parties had anything to do with the process.

[achilles]

Folks, I just can't resist. To quote Blagojevich: "They're not willing to give me anything but appreciation. [Bleep] them!"

[jackalope]

So stop! Flip a coin to see which one of you quits their job and moves to the other side of the country.

[anon_in_08]

(post redacted)

[untenured]

I'm not sure where this rage comes from.  People have tried to help both of you work at the same institution.  Those offers of assistance, in spite of your diligent efforts, have failed.  Unless one or both of you is a research superstar, folding a two career couple in a single institution is difficult indeed.

You've worked hard and it hasn't paid off.  That's frustrating.  I can empathize.  I spent four years searching for a full-time, tenure-track job before I got one.  I spent lots of hours pursuing avenues of networking and applying that amounted to nothing.

Yet, I don't see the justification for the "education is dead" bitterness.  How did these people exploit you exactly?  Maybe they did, but I don't see it from the post.  A genuine effort that fails is not exploitation, especially for a goal as challenging as the one you and your spouse seek.

If you continue to be this bitter, the only person you will harm is yourself.

Untenured

[santommaso]

I find attitude of entitlement expressed in the original post to be interesting. Any, yes, I am one half of a two-body situation that isn't resolved yet, so in general and in particular I am sympathetic to these situations.

Congratulations on being so elite (top programs, books etc). Good luck.