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[llencelyn]

Hello, forumites. I hope I am not repeating something that has already been covered. I used the search function to look for "military" and "military spouse" and nothing came up.

I will be completing my undergraduate degree in a "hard" science this coming spring. I am currently engaged to an officer in the US Army. While we have made satisfactory plans for graduate school, the future after that looks hazy. Army personnel move an average of every 3 years, though the organization is often willing to make some accomodations for those who are married (why no, they don't care about people in non-traditional relationships, why do you ask? Oops, sorry, my snark got away from me).

After I complete my graduate degree, I will likely need to take a post-doc position somewhere, and I hope that after that I will be able to find a tenure-track post somewhere. I feel no compulsion to end up at an R1 at any point in this timeline. My priorities for my professional future are 1) science advisor for local/state government policies, 2) teaching at the undergraduate college level, and 3) research. In that order.

We have had a long-distance relationship from the very beginning of our time together, so we know we are capable of handling that, but we would rather not stay long-distance.

Does anyone here have experience with such a life? Advice? Anecdotes? I have never met anyone in my situation (most military wives end up in easily-movable jobs, if they have one at all), and I'm feeling a little bit lost. Of course, I also feel like a trailblazer, so I suppose that's a bit exciting. :)

Thank you in advance!

[llencelyn]

I apologize for the double-post, but I realized I left out some vital timeline information that might have significant bearing on the situation.

As of November 2008, and assuming all goes according to his professional plan, my fiancé will retire from the military in 19 years.

I estimate approximately 4 years, plus or minus 1, to complete my graduate work. I have no idea how long my post-doc will take.

[jonesey]

You're assuming two big things:

One, that he'll stay in that long.  He may change his mind after a deployment (or three) to a country where people are shooting at him.  I have many friends who loved the Army, but got tired of it after the first few years due mainly to the current OPTEMPO. 

Two, that he'll move all the time.  You will move a lot, but an officer's career is different than an enlisted soldier's.  He may change assignments but remain at the same base.  This is less common than it used to be, but some officers would to ten or more years at Ft. Bragg, they'd just switch units.

What service is he going into? 

If it's Army, you might want to check out Officer Families.com or Army OCS.com

Both are manned by current and former Army officers and NCO's who will give you real answers, not Army PR (it's like the CHE Fora, but for soldiers).  They can answer many of the questions you will have. 

They've also got sites for the other branches as well, if you're not Army.

That said, you might be able to get an MA, but most bases aren't near great schools.  IOW, you can get a masters, but it won't be from Princeton unless your husband gets stationed at West Point, or does recruiting duty in a city with an R1 university.

[llencelyn]

You're assuming two big things:

One, that he'll stay in that long.  He may change his mind after a deployment (or three) to a country where people are shooting at him.  I have many friends who loved the Army, but got tired of it after the first few years due mainly to the current OPTEMPO. 

Two, that he'll move all the time.  You will move a lot, but an officer's career is different than an enlisted soldier's.  He may change assignments but remain at the same base.  This is less common than it used to be, but some officers would to ten or more years at Ft. Bragg, they'd just switch units.

Well, yes, I am making assumptions. If he decides to leave the Army (or if he is injured or something else that forces him to leave regardless of his wishes) I would be fully supportive of that - it would make the whole coordination thing a lot easier. In the meantime, though, I have to plan for the "worst" case scenario. I am sure there are a lot of road bumps that I haven't even considered. Do you have any experience as an academic making a life with a military person work that you would be willing to share?

If it's Army, you might want to check out Officer Families.com or Army OCS.com

Both are manned by current and former Army officers and NCO's who will give you real answers, not Army PR (it's like the CHE Fora, but for soldiers).  They can answer many of the questions you will have.

Thank you for those resources. 

That said, you might be able to get an MA, but most bases aren't near great schools.  IOW, you can get a masters, but it won't be from Princeton unless your husband gets stationed at West Point, or does recruiting duty in a city with an R1 university.

I suppose I didn't make it clear in my original post, but in my chosen field, an MA will not be sufficient. I have applied to Ph.D. programs only. Fortunately, my number one choice, and the one most likely to accept me with a TA/GA/RA offer, is also a mere half hour from the base at which my fiancé will be stationed upon his return from his current combat tour. And, as I mentioned, I have no particular vested interest in working at or studying at an R1 university. Research is not my first priority.

Also, I think he'd have a heart attack if he had to work at West Point. As an ROTC graduate, he's something of an anti-WP snob. ;)

[temporaryname]

You're assuming two big things:

<snip>

Two, that he'll move all the time.  You will move a lot, but an officer's career is different than an enlisted soldier's.  He may change assignments but remain at the same base.  This is less common than it used to be, but some officers would to ten or more years at Ft. Bragg, they'd just switch units.

<snip>

This is a big one, and one that you probably can't give enough information on here without outing yourself.

But if he's in the AF as a B-2 pilot, for example, he has an outside shot of spending his entire career in Missouri, with a move to the Pentagon possible somewhere in there. Similarly, the B-52s are all based in Louisiana and North Dakota (if I'm recalling correctly). Some parts of the Navy and Coast Guard have similar ties to facilities for certain types of equipment. (Of course, planes like the F-16 are all over the place, and weird assignments to weird places are always possible, so it's not like even B-2 pilots and their families are provided a consistent promise of stability.)

The Army and Marines are less tied to equipment issues like that, but you should look into whether he (and therefore you) are likely to be affected by this sort of thing before freaking out too terribly.

Disclaimer: No personal experience with this sort of situation, just family members who have had both location-stable and location-unstable military experiences.

[figee]

I am a military spouse, but not in the US.  Our relationship has only been possible because of where my job is, and what stage of career hegee is at.  That is, because he has been in for a long time, he is not moving around as much, and has a bit more flexibility in terms of postings.  However, this is not guaranteed, and in a couple of years we will be getting another posting and seering what happens.  We are not prepared to be apart, which means something has to give.

Not wanting to be pessimistic, I don't think that it is possible to get a TT job and live with your spouse.  It might be, but no military spouse I know (and I know a few) has even remotely a job or qualifications like I do, and I got these prior to meeting hegee.  You need to think very very carefully about this.